Dude... This is horrible. Maybe you should work on your approach when you talk to DH. My therapist and I have been going over different ways I can talk to my DH in particular because he tends to fire back at me if I come on too strong or if it seems like I'm trying to be controlling or aggressive. If you bring it up with an opening that tells him that you want to find a solution so you all can have a happy family and your marriage can be where it was, he might be more suseptable to listening and finding a solution. Explain that if things don't get better then you guys could eventually one day get a divorce because you are so miserable and that's the last thing you want.

I think that treating sd badly outwardly, when he is clearly so attached to her, is going to make him resent you and the baby and might be the cause of this separation. It's not right, or fair, but you can fix it and hopefully over time of building a stronger foundation between the two of you, the foundation won't be broken so easily. Try to remember that you aren't responsible for the person that she ultimately turns out to be. Her parents might screw her up with all this babying and it will/is! But YOU won't do that with your son and he's not going to do that as much with him because he's a boy and will be doing boy things. DH sounds like he has a lot of love in his heart though. My DH is loving to SD's, but when he's off work he's kind of lazy and would rather they play with each other. He doesn't really do things with them too much and maybe it's because they have siblings. When my DS is here alone I play a lot and I am also attentive to his SD's.

Anyways, it's important that you two communicate. But try to keep it unemotional, he might take it more seriously. Start showing her some love first, then explain also that when the baby gets a little bigger you are going to expect changes to be made and discipline will need to begin but there are ways to do it that won't interfere with his relationship with her. In fact, that bond can't be broken even through discipline.

Cheer up, seek counseling with him. It really helps. It allows a third party to back you up and also allows a set time where you two will be able to openly communicate without having to initiate it. Look into it and contact your insurance company! Xo and congrats on your pregnancy

Everything you've posted here and in your other posts screams that your husband is an awful father. Why would you have a child with a man who has shown that?

You resent a 5 year old, but continue to love the person who is doing all of the damage to SD, your son and you :?

You need to go talk to someone, it seems like you are so overwhelmed by your feelings right now that it might be hard to turn things around all by yourself. Yes, it sounds good to say you should start being involved with your SD again but when you're feeling this way, it's almost impossible. Just get all your feelings out there and you can start to sort them out. But you have to get a good therapist who understands a step situation.
I understand the focusing your resentment on your SD even though it should be your DH that you resent the most. The other advice is true, it's your DH who is the problem and if he doesn't start discipling his daughter and saying "no" there are going to be bigger problems ahead.
So happy for your upcoming baby. Try to enjoy this most wonderful event in your life. It is amazing!

Im in this same situation but SD is more than a brat and Im due in 3 weeks.
You may need to leave even if its just a threat or kick him out. I did and things still aren't great but they are a lot better and even though he still wont sort SD out he will back me up (not that he likes it lol)
As for the money maybe re do your budget and give use both pocket so that way once he has spent his its gone. It doesn't have to be a lot just what use can afford.
That's what I do so everything gets paid and if he wants to waist his money spoiling SD it wont affect me and once its gone its gone then he has nothing. Amazing that he doesn't wont no money for himself so all the extra treats have stopped.
Getting baby stuff is a 1st priority and I have had to do most of it myself as well hence why I started our budget so their would be a little money their.
As for food hun hide some. Make a stash just for you and if need be don't buy any kid food so their wont be anything yummy for her to ask for.
I know when money is tight it can make it very hard but if he wants to blow money on crap then he needs to get a really good job.
After I had told my FDH it was over I was done he got very upset and suddenly wanted to talk so I laid it all out had thought about everything I was going to say before hand and what needed to change. I might have not gotten everything I wanted like him growing a pair but at least the money is sorted and I have more say in my own home.

bio dad perspective... I have been accused of the same type of behavior. I do realize that there is guilt involved in my BD feeling as part of the family when my second child (wife's first) was born. I also realize the "expected" joy and experiences of the first child of my wife was stripped away from her in her mind. It is a horrible feeling to think it is your first and the dad does not seem interested and also seems to be spoiling the other kid. You need to express those feelings to him and also realize that your child is not his first and what you are excited/anxious about, he may not be as much. a few things from dad's perspective. Not everyone is like this but it would have made things better in my case. 1) include your SD and you automatically include/excite your Hubby. 2)Ask for his help/advice when the child is born as he has "been there/done that" in some cases. Also...most men see the first 18 months as breastfeeding, sleep and diaper changing time. Very little ways to get involved. As the child gets older, as his kid is now there will be more oportunity for him to get involved and interact. I would suggest you not give up. observe what you like/dislike about the way he is with his kid and express it to him because he will probably try to be the same with your kid. If he accepts your observations and constructive criticism it may go a long way to raising the kids as a team. Just a few thoughts... hope it helps and good luck

I understand how you feel.
I was a childless 29 year old naïve woman when I married DH. I had dreams of having my first child with the man I love. Well, SD8 (Then SD4) has ruined everything.

My husband has put my feeling into consideration, I will give him that. But since he has been there, done that, I don't think our son gave him the first time dad surprise at all. I think SD8 as the first born shared the unique bond with her father and nobody can replace that place for her.

My first childbirth is one of those times I wish I am the center of my family's universe. Although Dh was doing the best he can, his daughter was always there to ruin it for us. I feel guilty for feeling this way because if she was my bio daughter, I perhaps would not resent the situation as much. But since I have nothing to do with her, I just feel she was such an intruder.

You need to take care of yourself physically and emotionally. I know it is easier said than done, but once your bio child is here, your world will be so much better.

Men will never understand this. TO a woman, her first childbirth is such an unique experience and it is also once in a life time experience. She wants to be pampered, cared for, her feelings are mixed with anxiety, excitement, nervousness, happiness and she also is dealing with crazy hormone. I feel as a woman who married a father, I don't have the luxury to enjoy my first time with my husband. He still belongs to somebody else.

Something we just have to deal with. God knows how long do we have to deal with until one person just cannot take it anymore.