SS likes my daughter but will not acknowledge me at all.
Hi, my SS6 and SD4 visit every other weekend.
my parther and I have an adorable 4.5 month old daughter. My relationship with SS6 and SD4 is haphazard. Sometimes it works, usually it doesn't. It's really hard when you're dealing with such young kids but I think they know exactly what they are doing in some cases.
When they walk into the house for visitation I greet them, they don't respond to me. They only respond when their dad says hey **** is talking to you! Even then they don't look me in the face and sometimes dad has to say take yourhand out of your mouth so **** can hear you or can you look at **** when you are talking to her.
My newstance is the less effort I put in, the les hurt I feel. Honestly I spend every weekend grinning like a cheshire cat talking to brick walls.
They have kinda warmed up to their half sister which is sweet. Only problem is my SS6 refuses to accept that the baby has a mother and that mother is me. If i leave the baby on her activity mat he will rush over to her and play with her, as soon as i come back he gets up, gives me a greasy look and won't come anywhere near the baby until I've left her alone or his dad is holding the baby.
These kids have engulfed everuy aspect of our relationship and my baby and being a first time mum is the one thing i have but they want to be close to my baby and shut me out on that too!!! Unacceptable.
I hate the kids for it, especially SS6. Am i being unreasonable?
He likes to hold every now and again and he will never ask me to hold the baby - he goes to his dad. I've said to him, if you want to hold the baby why don't you ask me. His dad encourages him to do the same but it's always half hearted effort.
This same SS6 will sit outside the toilet door clawing the door asking his dad to give home a snack or a teaspoon for his yoghurt. His dad who takes ages on the toilet tells to go to the kitchen and ask me. But this boy would rather sit outside the toilet door and starve rather than talk to me.
At first I would take the initiative and walk u to him and say would yo like a cracker with cheese and he would just nod - words to me are to o much for him. But now I just sit back and wait for dad to leave his toilet seat or for the boy to talk to me.
I wouldn't do it either. He's
I wouldn't do it either. He's plenty old enough to verbalize what he wants. Let him. Or your DH will soon be tired of it and get on his case. Also, if you have the baby and he wants to hold it, next time simply say, "I'm holding baby right now. If you want to hold, play, etching with baby you need to ask me, not daddy because right now, I'm the one with baby".
Hope things calm down for you.
It sounds like, with kids
It sounds like, with kids being this young, BM is behind it. They may naturally believe you are the monster she is spinning. And coupled with the confusion they may feel to like you is to betray her. You think that is where it is coming from?
Of course where else would a
Of course where else would a 6 and 4 year old get such an idea? Even if she's not deliberately coaching them bio-mother can make it clear that step-mother is not a good subject to talk about. Extending that thought to seeing the step-parent as someone bad is a easy jump.
Don't have any more children as its going to get really rough as they age. Below I've placed a link to a article I hope you will find useful. Fully implemented both of the adults in your family will suffer a lot less stress with any thoughts of one big happy family firmly set aside:
http://steptogether.org/disengaging.html
It sounds like, with kids
It sounds like, with kids being this young, BM is behind it. They may naturally believe you are the monster she is spinning. And coupled with the confusion they may feel to like you is to betray her. You think that is where it is coming from?
I have told my partner
I have told my partner repeatedly that i believe BM is behind the kid's behaviour. Before I moved in with him, she used to come to his house and pick up the kids. I was stupid then and my partner would ask me to leave to avoid confrontation. This went on for about a year until I called him on his BS.
Now that she knows I'm a permanent resident in the house she refuses to pick her kids so he has to drive to her house twice each visitation. He is so scared of her he wouldn't dare bring it up - another post. It's obvious the BM has been influencing the kids. He is super naive nd says things like why would she do that, or I doubt she would do that.
It's so difficult when your life is turned upside down every fortnight by 2 kids who won't talk to you. I feel I should protect my daughter from them. Why should these kids and their mum have everything including my daughter. she must have told them, oh the baby is fine but don't talk to the mum.
There are days I just want to drive on. For now they are getting away with a lot because i moved into their dad's house. When we buy our own house together i feel I'll have more power to tell him I don't want his little shits in my house. (He calls them little shits sometimes :-))0
You are in for a rough
You are in for a rough ride if you think you will be able to ban young children from their dad and your home. How would you feel if it was your child - banned from coming to your home by your spouse??
I am all for disengaging and banning, but only one they are MUCH older.
Good luck.
I agree it's impossible to
I agree it's impossible to ban such young kids from their dad and our home. However, i want a life too where my life doesn't revolve around anticipating the visits and then recovering from them.
I've known them for 2 and half years and what I've learnt in that short time is I'm ever in the BM situation where my daughter is the one visting her dad and his new wife I will teach her to be respectful. It's probably easier said than done as who knows I may turn into a monster BM.
to all BMs out there, most of us SMs do not want to be mothers to your kids,but it sure as hell makes life so much harder when you turn the kids against us.
These kids mum is French and the kids speak the language. They didn't know I understand some French. She taught her kids to call me a petite vache(little cow).
I finally called them on it and told them it was very nasty and they have since stopped.
It can only get worse from here!
Yup, once a fortnight is very
Yup, once a fortnight is very lucky except for school holidays when we have them for longer.
It creates more tension in our relationship when I take the baby away and leave the house. I know they are kids but how can she think her kids can play with my kid in my house and totally ignore me. I'm doing my best to tell them what i like and don't like.
it doesnt help when dad wants to be the fun weekend dad...so he's the fun guy and I'm the party pooper.
I try to be friendly to her because I wouldn't want another woman spending time with my kids when she absolutely loathes me their mother. I try to be decent and i should be able to ask her what the kids like to eat - I no longer cook bcoz they don't eat anything I cook or other little things about the kids that will make visitations smoother and more enjoyable.
I'm starting to think I'm naieve and idealistic in this blended family mess. Being a total biatch seems to get you further! BM seems to have more respect from my man and yet she is rude, spoilt and destructive!!