This really is my last resort. I am on the last strand of any patience I have left trying to deal with my life as a step mother and all of the people it involves. First off let me just say that I enjoyed and loved to be around my step kids in the beginning. I felt like maybe I was the wave of stability they needed because their mother is in no way stable. This all went down hill about a year into my relationship with my husband. My husband had been living with his parents for a while when I met him. His visits with his kids always included grandma and grandpa. When my husband met me and we started doing our own things, his mother did everything in her power to turn his kids against wanting to come to my house. She would even BRIBE them to come and stay with her. I feel like she felt threatened. I don't know why, other than the woman is extremely insecure. Anyway, my husband and I have a child together. We have a Hers, His and an Ours. The kids blend OK. They don't really fight or anything but they don't get along. That's not the problem. The problem is that this keeps reoccurring. The problem consists of the sorry relationship my husband has with his kids and the huge amount of involvement his mother has in their / our life. My mother in law has contacted the school in which my husbands kids attend and she gets emails on when they don't attend. My mother in law has also gone above and beyond to make sure that they get time to see those kids, even if it means throwing my husband under the bus. She will get involved with things like contacting the school about things or turning the ex in to CPS. Every time my husband gets the blame and his ex makes it ten times harder for my husband to see his kids. My husband does nothing about it nor does he say anything to his mother.
My husband had been divorced from his ex wife for 4 years when I met him. The ex has called the shots on every visit since the divorce. (now 8 years ago)
When my husband got a job out of state, one that required him to take his weekend visits two weekends in a row, the ex started making new rules. She wants 48 hours notice or she WILL NOT let him take his kids, no matter what. If she has allowed the kids to have a visit with my husbands parents, she won't let my husband have his kids for one of his scheduled visits. He doesn't do anything about it. Nothing. Here's where the problems start: My husband will make sure he contacts his ex via text message (must have it in writing) on the Wednesday before he gets his kids. He reminds her on the Friday that he is too get them and arranges the time with her. EVERY SINGLE TIME (it never fails) the second he gets off the phone with her, his son calls him. "I don't want to come there anymore. I hate coming to your house. I'm old enough to make my own decisions." (he's 11) Now my husband is partially def so the volume on his phone is turned up all the way so I (and anyone else in the house) can hear both sides of the conversation. My husband finally says "_______ tell your mom to take it up with the courts." This is the only time he has said this. Immediately following THAT phone call is his daughter calling. Same exact thing is said. Verbatim. No response from my husband. Following THAT phone call is the ex. "I don't know why they feel that way, but you'd better start listening to your kids. I have plans tonight so meet me at 6." Click. He has to drive 45 minutes (each way) to pick them up. Let me interject here. These phone calls boils my blood. My children have visits with their parents / step parents too. Neither of them have ever acted in any way, shape or form the way that my husbands two children act. No respect for anyone, or our home or the things in it.
In the mean time, my husbands mother calls, telling my husband that she is going to drive (2 hours each way) to pick up his sister's kids so that my husbands kids can see their cousins. She has the weekend planned for us. The kids get here, the tension is so thick you can cut it with a knife. My 3 year old is thrilled beyond measure to see his brother and sister. He spends every waking moment with them. The following morning the kids wake up and call their mother. "Mom, I don't like it here. I want to come home." My 3 year old son over hears this, and says "I go home too!" My husband makes the arrangements and takes them home. He drives the (again) 45 minutes each way to take them home. He said that he told them on the way to take them home that "if you can't start coming to dad's house with out throwing a fit, you'll miss out on all of the fun things that we have planned, and I'll tell grandma and grandpa that you won't get to see them either." Is it me, or was the "grandma and grandpa" part a very STUPID move? I thought, ok....we'll see how far this goes. When my husband got home he called his mom back to tell her never mind about going to get the cousins, he took the kids home. She asks him, "well do you care if I go get them?" REALLY??????? Thankfully he said "yes. I don't feel like they should see their cousins if they can't come up here and spend time with me." She asks, "well do you care if I call them? We really wanted to see them this weekend." He said he didn't care. I thought the topic was snuffed UNTIL...the very next morning his mother calls. "We have a family reunion coming up in a couple of weeks. Can I take the kids? (meaning his two from the previous marriage only) My husband tells her of course. So basically, they're getting to spend time with grandma and grandpa. I feel like everything that he tried to do is now undone because he can't stick to any sort of punishment. Am I wrong for feeling this way? This happening every two weeks is killing me!!! We've sought counseling but my husband refuses to do any of the things the counselor has advised him to do. I am on the verge of an ultimatum here. Either he FIXES the problem (or makes strong effort to do so) or I can't stay in this relationship anymore. I can't have his mother running the show, and I can't have him sticking his head in the sand every single time crisis arises! These kids and this situation is setting a HORRIBLE example for our 3 year old son!