My husband and I were married in Aug 2013. Between the two of us we have 5 children. I have two girls (14 & 12) and a son who is 7. My husband has two sons aged 14 & 12. And a very bitter, vindictive, jealous and manipulative ex wife. They have been divorced since 2006. My husband and I have primary custody of both sets of kids.

My oldest SS often causes issues with behavior problems and often I feel does things to try and drive a wedge between my husband and I. And often it works. My husband isn't good at discipline and allows my SS to make excuses and manipulate through lies to make my husband feel sorry for him rather than hold him accountable for his behavior. He is also a serial liar.

We struggle with his behavior, usually after being at his mother's for her scheduled visitation time. She bad mouths my husband and I. Has flat out told the children lies about both of us. Instead of being a parent, acts like their friend in attempt to win them over and get them to say they want to live with her. She works limited hours because she chooses too. She pays $80/month in support to my husband and is behind on that. She gives no effort to support the boys and has had the nerve to tell my husband that we are supposed to help her out! Asked for groceries. Socks. OTC allergy medication. Won't pay for half of their extra curricular activities like she is supposed to, Because she has no $$. But has plenty when she is out in the bar.

The other night my stepson had his cell phone confiscated because his schoolwork was poor. That is the rule in our home. My husband was looking through his phone and saw that he was referring to his 12 yr old stepsister as "the slutty one". My daughter is very much a tomboy. Plays hockey, very athletic and only recently has been in to fixing her hair and such (like within the last month). My husband went to talk to SS when he saw this to ask why would SS ever talk about his sister this way. (Our children have a wonderful relationship, call each other siblings without us ever having told them to do so and have before the marriage and have always seemed very close so this was shocking to my husband). My SS told my husband he didn't My husband said I have your phone, I saw you say this (to the SS's gf which is another issue in and of itself...I don't approve...too young for such things...8th grade), it's here in your phone! So SS, after being somewhat forced into discussing what this was about by my husband, told him "because she touches me". My husband was confused and couldn't believe it. He asked what are you talking about? Like on accident when you are all playing around? My SS said no on purpose. She touches me. My husband said in your private area? The answer was yes. My husband came down and said we have some problems. Said I saw this on SS's phone and went to ask why he would call his SS slutty? He told me she touches him. I immediately called for my daughter (they were all in bed as it was bedtime) and said I want to talk to you. My husband said call SS too. So we sat at the table and I said " we seem to have a problem and we need to discuss this and get this taken care of". SS would not repeat what he said. Just looked at the table. My daughter asked what is going on. I said "what is going on? You're brother says you are touching him. Is this going on? SS tell me what she's done and we need to talk about it" he wouldn't look at either of us. Daughter said "what?? What are you talking about?" I explained what SS said and she was appalled. She asked him when did this happen and what are you talking about? He said I never said that. I said your dad just came downstairs saying you told him this. My husband said "you told me she is touching you when I asked why you called her a slut." SS said I guess it didn't happen. I looked at more messages on his phone. He was telling his gf my daughter was talking about things they (him and his gf) would do. Sexual things. Asking if she does that. And then oh I think she is going to touch me again. And that she touched him. And how. And that she would ask if the gf did that. I kept the kids home from school the next day and my oldest daughter as I found out through SS's phone that when this happened was when the three of them were together (SS and my two BDs). Apparently when it supposedly happened was while he was hanging out with my daughters in their room and all three were there. Other daughter was shocked to hear this. Younger daughter started to cry. Oldest daughter started to cry. The children all seemed to be very close. The girls love their stepbrothers and were so upset he said this. He wouldn't look at anyone. He changed his story to be that it was when they were all playing but she did it intentionally. Then it changed for grabbing his one is to well I guess it was she pinched my butt to well she sat on my lap. I didn't say she said things about me and gf. (I had screenshots of his messages) I said "SS" these are your messages. This is what you said. He admitted he lied. Actually he said " well maybe I made it more than it was and said a couple things that weren't exactly true". Needless to say, my girls were devastated. I told my husband that this was the last straw, SS will get counseling!! I have been saying he needed it for over two years because of anger issues, lying, lack of remorse and other behavioral issues, but husband would never agree to it. I told my husband I don't want him around my children ( aside from this allegation he has been physical with my 7 yr old. Choking him, shaking him, pushing him to the ground and holding him there, etc) and he needs help. He needs it and we do as a family to help work through this most recent issue and how to help SS. My husband doesn't want to send him to his BM as it would be detrimental, and I agree, she is a nut job, so I gave him the option of going to stay with his mother (my MIL, 1 mile away from home, and the MIL is a whole other issue) or I would take my three and stay at my parents (15 miles away). He brought the boys to his mother's. I felt he should take both stepsons in the event the BM hears about this and tries to cause issues ( she filed an abuse charge against my husband stating he abused his kids and mine and me physically, just two months ago. After an investigation we just got the letter two weeks ago that the complaint was found to unmerited ) that it would be best that younger SS wasn't here.

Husband seems so angry with me that we need to be apart. I don't like it either but I don't know what else to do. SS jeopardized my children's lives also. And is unremorseful. Husband and I have an appt with a counselor Thursday and SS the day before. We are starting with my husband and I but intend to involve the family.

This is driving a wedge between husband and I. SS told MIL while he was with her (because husband was with other SS and me and my three) that he struggles with the divorce (it was in 2006), that they sold the house (it was 2 bedrooms and wouldn't fit all 7 of us), the bonfires they would have in the yard (my family has a camp on the lake that we go to every weekend in the summer and bonfires occur each night, and in the 2 1/2 yrs DH and I were dating there was maybe two fires in the back yard) and the time that was just his brother, him and dad. He wishes it was that way.

I'm at my end. He has caused so much turmoil. So many arguments. Inhave always treated them the same as my own. Held to the same standards but rewarded in the same way. I'm actually at the point that if he had to go live with his crazy psycho mother I just don't care anymore. Maybe that's where he needs to be. I feel terribly about it, but I have done so much for this kid only to get issue after issue.

DH called and asked me to come and pick SS up and take him for a ride and tell him what I want from him and need him to do. I refused. Told my DH that it shouldn't be what I need to do to make evil SM happy, but what WE need him to do to try to repair the damage. That WE are UNITED. My DH doesn't see how having me do it makes me the bad guy with SS. I can't wait until Thursday. It's going to be a long three days!

Am I doing the right thing by having them leave until we get to a counselor? My BDs want nothing to do with oldest SS. But my BS asks about his brothers and where they are or why oldest SS isn't here but younger one and stepdad are home (after school, for dinner, to say goodnight). I don't what to do.