Need opinions here. BM stupid bitch DH pushover!
Ok let me lay this one out for you. I want honest opinions whether I like what you have to say or not because I don't want to be over reacting here. First piece of background is that when SD8 had her school pictures made she was with us so I paid the $35 for the package. When the photos came in BM said she didn't have the $17.00 to pay her half of the package (pathetic). Me, SO, SD8, and my BD11 had our family portraits made on Saturday. As per usual I set this up, paid the photographer (not cheap), bought both girls beautiful dresses, sandals, and headbands to match their dresses. Also bought my own dress and his outfit as well. His daughter acted like a F-ng brat as usual and didn't want to smile in the pictures so I had to pay an extra $150 to get the photographer for an extra hour to make sure we got some with her stupid ass smiling. Of course SO didn't say a word to her. That is the background. So here is where I want your opinions.
I have not made it a secret that I have access to look at his texts online and I periodically check them because he likes to keep the fact that BM constantly texts him for stupid sh*t. So I was being nosey today and I see that she has text him. She has SD8 this week. She says, SD8 told me you had pictures made, can I have one? He texts her right back and says ok.
WTF???????????????????????????????????????????????? WTF????????????????????????????????????????? WTF?????????????????????????????????????
I sent him a text and said I was trying to check the phone bill and came across your texts,. I saw where BM texted you about a picture. Lame I know but I had to start the conversation somehow. This is how it went down:
Accordn2L: Why would she want a family picture of us?
SO: No, she wants one of SD8 that was taken alone?
Accordn2L: Why didn’t you just say it was a family portrait?
SO: I don’t know, I was just trying to keep the peace and be nice
Accordn2L: I paid for the session, I paid for the dresses, sandals, headbands that the girls wore, and have paid in advance for the printed portraits. So I can go ahead and tell you right now that b*tch isn’t getting a F-ng thing from me. She can take her monkey baby (she just spit out baby #3 with baby daddy #3 and it has a huge amount of hair on it's head and back resembling a moneky) and go have her own family pictures made. I will say this once and don’t forget it, she will NEVER get ANYTHING from me, EVER.
He never responded back to me...
Am I a nutjob or am I justified to feel mad about this??
Yes you absolutely are. But
Yes you absolutely are. But you appear to be trying to do the blended family thing, which is really admirable of you. I bet the photos look lovely.
asks me for it herself, not you, (b) pays me upfront for the copy first. I will then send it to her with skid, next time skid goes to her.
Is there a photo of the skid on her own? If so I would say to DH (if I wanted to be blended), sure honey BM can have a copy of the photo if she
If there is not, I would simply say, But there isn't a photo of her on her own so no, BM can't have her with any of my relatives, BM is not in my family. You should have told her that. Go tell her that. Then get skid and tell her the same (in a child-oriented way).
Poodle-To be clear, yes I'm a
Poodle-To be clear, yes I'm a nutjob or not? LOL
I am trying to make this work even though it's about to kill me! Why would he be nice and say sure, no problem! I'm the one who paid for EVERYTHING! And yes their is multiple photos of each of our girls, but I certainly didn't offer any up to my ex-husband. It pisses me off SD8 runs back and reports back to her mother every single thing we do on the weeks she is with us too! GRRRRRRRR I'm so pissed off right now. I tried to do something nice and do a family photo for us, my parents, and his family. And somehow BM finds a way to get herself involved and with her hand out like always.
I wonder if we are married to
I wonder if we are married to the same man. Although he is not typically a pushover with BM, he often says things to "keep the peace" (with his Ex, his children, and his mother).
Every time I hear him say that I want to drive my fist down his throat. I swear men dont think some times.
He's an enabler and is doing so by avoiding the issue. Why cant they just be honest and to the point. Give the truthful answer, and if the bitch starts a fight, ignore her. No one said anyone had to argue.
Oh and as for crazy...??... no... just frustrated. I get it. We all get it....
Completely agree with
Completely agree with rx2_loco and my reaction would've been exactly the same as yours! NO, you're not a nut job!!! lol. Instead, I would send a nice big family pic to her and tell her there werent any individual ones
Actually that's a great idea.
Actually that's a great idea. THEN when SHE squirms over it and makes snide comments, it exposes HER jealousy to
SD. BM'll hate you.. }:)
It is a great idea except
It is a great idea except that I have forked out a fortune on this damn family photo thing and I just don't want to give her ANYTHING.
Yes this!! Haha! Send a
Yes this!! Haha! Send a family pick }:)
You aren't crazy but your BM
You aren't crazy but your BM is.
I have always gotten along with my exH and his DW (bios SM). In the past 15 (17?!) years they've been married, I have never once asked for a picture of my DD25 or DS23 they had taken on their time/their dime and they have never asked me for any I've had taken.
Who does that? :?
Thing is, if you are trying
Thing is, if you are trying to be blended, you have to consider how it would look to SD at her young age if she were not allowed to give a photo of herself solo, to her mom. She just wouldn't get it. I remember at about that age I began to disengage from my skids and it all started over precisely the issue of photos. I had taken a photo of my OSD in a bathroom in what she thought was a too embarrassing situation. My toddler son was in the same photo. BM made an immense fuss on her behalf and to cut a long story short it ended with me giving the photo to my DH so that OSD could ostentatiously tear up the photo -- including as it did my darling son. (Had a little cackle to myself as I retained the negs). Anyway thereafter, I never took another photo of her (and I'd been a real snapper).
These things are very emotive. You may perhaps be disengaging as we speak. I don't know your situation. But I do think that she could find being "deprived" of a photo of herself (a situation which the BM has slyly set up of course) to be a bit of a game changer. Just warning.
I do not believe you are a
I do not believe you are a nut job at all.
Last I believe July I got pictures done for myself, DH, SS, MIL, BIL10, Grandma (MIL's mom), MIL's boyfriend and his little boy. Mind you I did not pay $150 but then again no printed pictures were involved and I got a graduating photography student from out local college but no one offered to help pay.
I arranged for it to be at our home and MIL's boyfriend which meant extra or me going to get the photographer so that SS could have pictures with his ATV and just so it would be a more relaxed environment for the kids - no thank you nothing. It was disaster as SS wanted to be in every picture DH was in so I think I got 2 decent ones of DH and I one with goofy faces looking at each other and one of of us smiling but you can see a kids hand on the swing.
No one offered to pay but wanted me to get pictures printed which I didn't mind for myself and MIL/Grandma but I wasn't going to print extras to be passed out other than what would be shown in the respective homes. SS told his mom about this and she asked for one of him on his ATV even if DH just text it to her which he didn't do as he knew it would aggravate me - however DH decided to give one to SMIL to which she made sure BM got a copy which pissed me off to no end.
My DH at least stood up for it but now I debate when if ever I want to be in-charge of family pictures again because I know SMIL is close with BM again....I do a lot of stuff in our house including making sure clothes are nice to have BM still them because DH doesn't think and lets SS pick out the shirt he wears out of any pile and not just the BM I don't care if we lose it Tshirt pile.
I feel your aggravation and you are not a nutjob sorry for my rant but I feel your pain.
Tabby Yabba Do: That is
Tabby Yabba Do:
That is exactly what I said? What level of tacky is it to ask if you can have a family picture that your SD8, SM paid for and had made? RUDE!
Did BM get the school
Did BM get the school pictures, even though she did not pay her half? That would be enough.
I had to laugh at the "monkey baby". My husband says his oldest niece was very hairy when she was born and he called her monkey baby.
Hell no! That heifer
Hell no! That heifer wouldn't pay $17.50 for her half so I sent her stupid ass a wallet and it was one where SD8 had a stupid look on her face.
That's all she'd be getting,
That's all she'd be getting, then.
BM can get her own photos
BM can get her own photos taken on her dime. She would not be getting one from us. Nope.
I heard my BD11 tell her dad
I heard my BD11 tell her dad over the phone we had photos made and how fun it was, he texted me later about the next visitation and he didn't even bring it up because he is not a tacky moron and knows better. Well he is stupid but he knew better than to ask could he have one!
Bm's request was way way out
Bm's request was way way out of line. She is not in your family. You took the picture for your family ~ she is the "ex".
As far as you confronting hubby ~ there was no way other than how you addressed the situation.
Your reaction was normal for her "chin hanging request" ~ would she like a picture of your wedding day w the girls as well.
Again, the question BEGS to
Again, the question BEGS to be asked...
Why the hell is this bitch still allowed to interrupt your man's day with her texting?!?!?!?!
CUT. THAT. SHIT. OFF.
That's the hill to die on.
That's the main problem here.
He's giving her airplay, allowing her to put him in ridiculous situations and she's taking advantage of it. She DOES NOT DESERVE THE RIGHT TO TEXT HIM ABOUT ANYTHING since she has PROVEN that she's an attention whore who doesn't have the best interests of her child at heart.
No. No. No!!! Put an end to this!
Ok you know I have access to
Ok you know I have access to his phone account, should I just go ahead and block the bitch? I totally agree she shouldn't be contacting him unless the kid has a arm missing. Otherwise the CO is 100% concrete.
No. You need to MAKE HIM do
No. You need to MAKE HIM do it. Ultimatum time. WHY IS HE BEING NICE to a woman that you have had to get a restraining order against?! NO. Mine did that, too. He needs to realize that there's hell to pay if he doesn't cut this communication off now.
You say that she's "not getting anything from you ever." But she gets more of your man's attention than you do - at least during the day, while they're having their little text relationship. DEMAND RESPECT. Your man is disrespecting you by continuing a relationship with this woman.
Please make HIM stop. You don't have to deal with this...at all!!!!!
I made my man change his phone number and NOT give it to the ex within the first 6 months of us being together...for this reason! And I am NOT jealous at all. She was trying to pull the "Mother of your child" BS after stalking and harassing me for a month and filing false charges against him - which landed him in jail for a night...and then she got a restraining order against HIM. He was still accepting her calls because it *might* be "The kids". EFF THOSE DAMN KIDS being held hostage by an abuser who put you in jail! When I saw him get manipulated by phone after that, that was it. CHANGE YOUR NUMBER or I'm gone! Period.
Recently, a year and a half later, she tried to weasel back in - calling him at work. I FLIPPED MY SHIT AGAIN. For three days, I yelled more than I spoke. I couldn't believe he allowed her to open the door. I told him to move out because he was nice to her when she called about SD's school pictures. She doesn't deserve nice! She doesn't deserve his time or attention. EFF THAT. SEVER THE TOXIC TIE. Oh, "she just wanted to tell you the website where you could order SD's pictures", but she didn't have the decency NOT to move your kids away from their loving father? A year really changed her, huh? NOT.
When she called, my man said "Thank you!" to her instead of "Bitch, why are you calling me at work?! I don't want to talk to you...EVER." He said he was caught off guard. Well guess what? Never again will he be caught off guard because he realizes that he will LOSE ME if he feels that he needs to have ANY TYPE OF PRIVATE RELATIONSHIP with her.
This dirtbag whore did not respect him...
Manipulated him before he and I got together...
Used his kids as weapons/pawns...
Stalked and harassed me and him...
Cursed out his mother...
Filed false charges against him...
Moved his kids across the country...
Wouldn't let them call him - at work - like she was doing...even though they begged!
Told lies to his children...
Made them call her bank robber boyfriend "daddy"...
Threatened to change their last name...
Acted out in mediation...
And then she has the gall to call him at work about some fucking school pictures?! I told him that she called because she wanted attention and give it 2 weeks and she'll call again.
Well, guess what?! A week later, she called him at work...again. Trying to ask another question about "the kids". You could see from FB that there was trouble in paradise with her boyfriend. And this time, he said the right thing... "Don't call me at work. You think I want to talk to you? Send me an email. And if it's an emergency, call my mother."
Her fat, ugly, disgusting victim-playing ass then went on FB (publicly) talking about how it's such a "shame that parents can't communicate on OUR kids"...then she insulted him and his mother. Funny...her other THREE BABY DADDY'S can't communicate with her on their kids either. What the hell is the common denominator? Yes, folks, you guessed it. The giant pale ass red-headed, ghetto-talking elephant in the room who shits out kids and PAS's them from their fathers.
Whew. Breathe, Blayze, breathe.
Accordn2L...it's time, for you my dear, to go off on this man and let him know what type of relationship you would be okay with between him and his ex cum dumpster. Flip your shit, sweetie. You should have saved your picture money and kicked his ass out until he got the message loud and clear. He won't understand unless you ACT mad as hell like you're not gonna take it anymore.
Blayze The shit hit the fan
Blayze
The shit hit the fan last night. I kept thinking about what you said and how I have basically been a little doormat and allowing my SO and the Cum Dumpster to have control over my life. I sent my BD11 to my aunts house for the night because I knew it was going to get heated. I let him get home from work and get a shower and then I poured myself a stiff drink and told him we had to talk. He swears up and down "he hears me", he is going to go ahead and let her know no contact unless it's an emergency and by emergency a limb is missing, etc... I told him it was time to chose if he wants this life with me or if he wants his old life being at that bitches beck and call. I threw in some things about how she threatened me and my kids life and the restraining order, court, probation, and that I honestly couldn't believe he would even allow her contact him no matter what, but you know the standard response, but what if it's about my daughter? I felt somewhat better about things when I went to bed. But I just checked his phone and as I imagined he has not texted her shit about no more contact LOL. I knew in the back of my mind he wouldn't because "he wants to keep the peace". I guess he is going to be keeping the peace when I throw him and SD8 out on their asses.
That was so very brave of
That was so very brave of you, sister!!! You were on my mind heavy last night. Probably right around the time you were having that talk!
Good for you! Really. You did great!
There's some impatience in your words today though. haha
If he's anything like my man, he might need a couple of days to figure out how to pass this message along to her, so don't be discouraged by his lack of action today. I think that guys need time to process things that we say to them. They also need to have a deadline and a little guidance about what would make you happy with this situation...
Like a little kid begging to get a new toy, stay on him during his "processing" of this. "You SAID you were going to cut this off...when can I expect it?" No dinner. No sex. No favors to/for him until he gives you a satisfactory answer about how and when he's going to handle this problem of his or when he's moving out. You've just returned from a long trip to crazy town...it's time to go back to normalville.
They should be parallel parenting because his ex has PROVEN that she can't play nice. http://www.hcmmlaw.com/blog/2012/03/31/parallel-parenting-play-nice/
Anything short of parallel parenting with a woman like her means that your man is not protecting his REAL (fuck "new") family...the family that he has chosen to commit to: his woman, his daughter, and his woman's daughter. If he wants to keep the peace, he should be ready to go to war with anyone who robs HIM or his family of peace. That bitch does, so she needs to go.
And I truly don't get it either. His BM is an emotional terrorist. Why let her into his world? She wreaks havoc on your family... he saw you having to take time filing papers, going to court, dealing with the trauma of being bullied by a nasty person that HE brought into your life.
Because of your post yesterday, this came to my mind...it's not all the way hatched, so it might be a little out there.
Imagine this --- A year ago, YOUR ex (your daughter's father) came into your bedroom while you and your man were sleeping. You woke up and saw him get completely naked and do something sexual to your man. Yes, your male ex going up to your now man and touching him, french-kissing him, sitting on his forehead, bare-assed while resting his you-know-what on his nose...or something really gross like peeing on your man... while completely naked. Your man wakes up and sees what's going on. He's HORRIFIED and totally disgusted. Not only has he never encountered something so VILE, but he can't believe that you were AWAKE watching this happen. You shoo your ex out of the room, but your man wanted to murder him for that! He had never been so violated in his life! By your daughter's father.
Months pass, and he notices just how close you are to the creature that did this homosexual act to him. You had a child with this monster! And then, after that act, your man starts to have dreams about this offense that your ex committed...to the point of having flashbacks about it during the day. His mind is literally frozen by the violation and he can't think of nearly anything else. He has to join a support group or see a therapist...the thoughts really mess with him!
Could you imagine what your SO would say to you if your ex then continued a relationship with you like nothing happened? Calling you during work hours under the guise of "caring" for his daughter... asking for a photo of YOUR family? Would your man go completely mad thinking about WHY you would continue to have ANY TYPE OF RELATIONSHIP with a person who did this to him? Would he be able to stomach you being nice to this man? Would he insist on parallel parenting? (I know it's not the best example, but it made me chuckle as I visualized it. lol)
A severe violation of boundaries - whether physical, sexual, or emotional - causes damage. Cutting off communication with the perpetrator begins to heal the damage. Stay strong.
Nah, you're not a nut job. I
Nah, you're not a nut job. I get why you're angry. I will say though that I don't quite understand the level of anger over a picture. Unless it's just cumulative from all the other crap? I dunno, this (to me anyway) is more like someone cutting you off in traffic (in terms of rudeness level). It would piss me off, but I'd forget about it and not think of it again pretty quickly. But if you're reacting to the culmination of ALL the rude crap, then I get the level of anger.
It is the icing on the cake.
It is the icing on the cake. She has threatened my life, the life of my child and I have a protection order against her and she was sentenced to a year of supervised probation over it. She sends SD8 in innappropriate clothes and won't send anything we buy for her back. She sends her sick ALL the time and says it's because she doesn't have the $3 medicaid copay to take the child to the Dr. so she just waits until she comes to our house to handle it. She lives off the State of NC, doesn't work, spitting out babies left and right. We pay for SD8 before and after school care, clothing, copays, prescriptions, field trips, yearbook, school pictures, basically anything that costs money. And yet for some reason BM always has her hand out like we owe her something??
Jesus, you had me at
Jesus, you had me at this...
"She has threatened ... the life of my child"
Nope, anyone did that to my child and my rage at the person would be sort of never ending. Fuck the pictures, and her.
Yes BM is a nut job FOR REAL.
Yes BM is a nut job FOR REAL. It's funny because she is one of those people who puts on the fake nice in front of people but the real her is bat shit crazy and mean as anything you have ever seen.
No way I'd be donating CAT
No way I'd be donating CAT FECES to someone who threatened my life and the life of my child!
100% NO! NO! NO! I wouldn't
100% NO! NO! NO! I wouldn't friggin' SPIT on BM if the cow was on fire, let alone give her ANYTHING I paid for!! And if my SO still took BM's texts if it's not an absolute emergency..he'd find that phone shoved so far up his ass, he could answer the goddamn thing with his fucking tonsil. Screw that to the max!
ok here is the only person
ok here is the only person that can fix this mess is your husband so you should not even be mad at the ex, because is your husabnd who is letting this happen, so go off with him. first of all he should nt be talking to her about anything else but the kids well being, there should not be any text or calls of any other subject and he is the one who can stop it, what about just ingonring her text or calls, she will give up eventually, but if your husband keeps ansewering back guess what??? i guess he likes it. we have no problems with the ex, but I told my husband stright up what i wanted and he did so no drama, he just ignores her and i guess she gave up