Ahh, your expectations are a wee bit too high. Most of us were like that once--usually in the early years. We think we can make everyone happy only to find out that loyalty conflicts are at every twist and turn.

Read "Stepmonster" by Wednesday Martin. Many of us, myself included, have BMs who COACH their children to be unhappy and disatisfied when at dad's and SM's. It gives them a sick thrill to know they have taught THEIR children to hate us and act up when in our presence. Sounds like your BM is off down this road. As others have posted, google "Parental Alienation" and read up on this. It is essential that your husband recognize what is going on and NOT just look the other way in an effort to asuage conflict and keep "everyone happy" (TM)

you didnt do anything wrong. your BM is in the wrong for getting mad over something so petty. unfortunately, a majority (it seems anyway) of BM's are bitter, angry and dont put their children first, btu rather put making their ex-husbands miserable, all at the expense of the children.

its almost certain that BM made you out to be a bad person to your SD. that's what they do. all you can do is be yourself and hope that someday your SD sees through her mother's delusions and distorted world view. sometimes they do, sometimes they dont. someone else mentioned it in your other post - google "Parental Alienation Syndrome" and you can get examples of not only how BM's do this, but how your SD will react towards you adn her dad when its taking place.

You meant well and can't change the past. In the future you two do things that are enjoyable but won't result in anything physical going back to BM's.

Enjoy these months and years while they last they'll be shorter than you think.

I wouldn't do nothing. If SD talks to you about it, I'd tell her it's a shame that BM made her feel bad but you thought they were nice gifts.

I don't know if this will be a popular answer or if it's even the right line of thinking... let it go, eventually SD will figure out what she should and shouldn't tell BM.

In the beginning SDs really liked me and were excited about my bios and would tell their mom of all of the fun we had. This is what an overheard phone conversation of SDs with BM sounds like these days...

Hi
Uh huh
good
yeah
spaghetti
yeah
math and science
ok
ok
love you too
ok bye

Kids are perceptive. She will either love you and learn to keep that from her mom or push you away and use it to bring she and her mom closer (twisted but true) all you can do is lower your expectations, be yourself and be there for her if she needs you.

Don't worry about it, but I do think your expectations about your relationship with BM are setting you up to be very depressed when something happens. BM's and SM's relationship generally don't work. Their seems to be some correlation to when they figure out that their ex has moved on and then things go from nice to toxic.

I had great expectations too, until the day I asked for some fancy shoes that SD had to take on a cruise we were taking the kids on. That was the minute I knew she was not going to be a help but a pain in the ass.