She forgot it again!!!!!
Forums:
I posted yesterday because SD8 forgot her bookbag and SO called me to ask me to leave work and pick it up and drive the 30 minutes to her school and I refused. Last night he sat there with her and sweetly told her how important it is to remember her bag for school blah blah blah. They left before me and my BD11 did this morning and guess what? Skid LEFT HER BOOKBAG AGAIN! It was right beside the door she walked out to go to the car! WTF. Since he was hateful to me for saying no to taking the bookbag to her yesterday I didn't even bother texting him to tell him it was still at the house. FREAKING MORONS!
Shouldn't "he" go home and
Shouldn't "he" go home and get it ???
You are not the lackey ~ or is that how he sees you ??
Two solutions ~
One HE should go home and get it so he knows what an inconvience it is for you to do it. Step up Daddio ~
Or you could explain to her teacher how this is an issue and it's her responsibility to remember and have her not have recess bc she forgot her backpack.
Well I'm really working on
Well I'm really working on disengaging so that is why I have stepped back and not reminded her of everything she is supposed to do over and over. I've been letting him handle her and we can all see how awesome that is working out LOL. My kid had her bookbag without being told and I got to work on time and in a good mood. Sucks for him.
I'm sorry, but he is just as
I'm sorry, but he is just as bad as she is. Come on, he's the parent here. It's his responsibility to do a final check before walking out the door.
Maybe she should put the bag in the car before she goes to bed.
I absolutley agree with you.
I absolutley agree with you. I am a very organized person and I raised my daughter to be that way as well. I don't forget stuff because I plan ahead.
Lol ~ especially since she
Lol ~ especially since she forgot it yesterday.
Check list b4 you walk out the door ~
Wonder what tomorrow holds for her ??
I just don't get it?? My
I just don't get it?? My BD11 and I are so organized, very routined, and he and SD8 are just the total opposite. I don't know how they find their own asses sometimes.
Maybe they don't. Do you do
Maybe they don't. Do you do their laundry?
No I'm trying to disengage
No
I'm trying to disengage but I can't stand clutter or things piled up and I still do all the laundry.
Is he like the frazzled mess
Is he like the frazzled mess type of person ??
Or just completely careless type ??
He is responsible about being
He is responsible about being at work and doing things around the house IF I have him a list made. But he does come across as a frazzled mess on the weeks SD8 is with us. But when she leaves he seems to relax and do better.
I guess he knows not to call
I guess he knows not to call you today, asking you to pick it up and take it to her.
Can't wait for the update.
Oh hell to the NO! He better
Oh hell to the NO! He better not call or text me about that bookbag unless he wants me to shove it up his ass when I get home hahaha
I would have taken a picture
I would have taken a picture of it from my phone and sent it to him ~ with a comment ~ Day #2 obviously she's on the ball ~ NOT
Oh I like that! I wish I had
Oh I like that! I wish I had done that. But I bet I have the opportunity to do it before the week is out!
I wish I could get DH to make
I wish I could get DH to make SS do his own laundry but I don't see that happening - and since I had requested it so much I had to rig the knob as it was broke during one of the times they did a load and it was overfilled and now I'm scared SS will mess up the knob. So I still get to be claimed for dirty clothes but try to ensure he always has enough or at least something in the dryer.
I also have to wake up SS and throw his clothes to him - if it is in the dryer he will be sent downstairs. My DH gets woke up at work and has worked offshore for 8 years. It sometimes seems easier to just wake SS up as DH as just as bad as a child waking up and he won't get smart or made if SS touches him with cold hands.
I guess I just pick my battles lol. I do not take things to the school unless it will affect my personal time with DH, I don't make lunches anymore, I don't do homework, or pick up toys and try not to pick up dishes and wait for them to bug DH.
I've been working with my
I've been working with my 9-year-old as far as household chores go, and he's getting really good at doing laundry.
DH thinks it's unfair of me to "expect so much out of him." I want to say to him, "DH, the days of having to lug a big bag o' wash down to the crick and scrub it all on a washboard are LONG GONE. All he has to do is sort it, toss it in the washer, then the dryer, then fold it and put it away. It's NOT THAT HARD."
He only thinks it's "cruel" because he doesn't want to be expected to teach HIS kids how to do it (and he doesn't). His kids can't even get it in the damn hamper! They just leave it on the floor wherever they take stuff off.
I'm disengaged and LOVING it. DH can clean up their piles of laundry and take care of it. I'm not about to touch it, and neither is my son!
Now THAT is funny. Tee hee
Now THAT is funny. Tee hee hee
Although it sucks, you are
Although it sucks, you are right.
Wow that is just pitiful.
Wow that is just pitiful. Yeah I wouldn't be driving back to go get it either.
I like your approach. I don't
I like your approach. I don't even take stuff to the school/BM that they forget when DH goes to work - this time SS forgot his jacket mind you we are in Texas so it is starting to get warm and BM asked several times if I could drop it at the school which is essentially on my way to do anything and I refused not my problem. I did take it once but that was because DH and I had a date night and it was supposed to get chilly again and I didn't want my time affected but if it doesn't directly affect my time not my problem.
DH has gotten better at them remembering things.
You mention in yesterday's
You mention in yesterday's post that SD is annoyingly hyper and 'bounces off walls'....instead of being angry at you for his forgetful daughter and his lack of paying attention for her if she will not/cannot remember, Has SO ever thought of having this child evaluated for ADHD? You mentioned you constantly had to remind kiddo (before you disengaged). Just my 2 cents based on a few words in a stranger's blog, but there sounds like a chance SD may be an undiagnosed, untreated child of ADHD.
Just something to think about as if so, your home life might be drastically improved and the child able to function better if SO discusses the issues with her ped dr. If nothing else, get it ruled out so SO/you know exactly what you two are dealing with. In the meantime, I'd start with putting a stop to the hour 'bounce off wall' time. Once a child is wired for sound with so much unconstructed lengths of times it can be very hard to settle it down and have the child be able to focus. SO can start by structuring this kiddo's morning routine and having a more consist to the task (dress, eat, pick-up supplies and walk out door). But of course that means a real effort and patience on his end (not yours, you have yourself and your own DD to get up and going).
I have thought she was ADHD
I have thought she was ADHD the whole time but he says she's not and he went to her parent/teacher conference with BM and came home and said the teacher said she doesn't think SD8 is. So is it that she does that to get attention? I mean bad attention is better than no attention? I have to CONSTANTLY say SD8 stop bouncing in the house, stop touching the walls, stop hopping and skipping in the house. We have a huge yard go outside and play if you are finished with your homework and chores. I mean she looks like a little crackhead sometimes to me. And have I mentioned that she goes to bed at 9pm but is ALWAYS up by 4am? ALWAYS! My BD11 goes to bed at 9 and will sleep until 9 if I let her. SD8 is just a freaking weird kid.
It might be worth it to get
It might be worth it to get her assessed. My SS was very similar at that age. It was so bad, he would forget conversations that HE started.
SS: “Hey Drac0! Do you like Futurama?”
Me: “Oh yes I do! My favorite character is Bender. What’s yours?”
SS: “Who’s Bender?”
Me: “Bender is the smart talking robot.”
SS: “What robot?”
Me: “The robot on the show!”
SS: “What show?”
Me: “Futurama!”
SS: “Oh yeah! So do you like Futurama?”
I thought it was weird but my DW thought I was exagerrating (which, if you follow my blogs, is a running theme between DW and I). Lo and behold, I was right. My SS has ADHD (inattentive type) and was immediately put on an IEP.
THIS is hilarious! Get your
THIS is hilarious!
Get your popcorn ready and enjoy the show.
blayze you know I am really
blayze you know I am really struggling with this! LOL I'm so ready to throw in the towel and say I tried but yall gots to go.
A stinging butt tends to
A stinging butt tends to close the missing connection between the brain and appropriate action. SD-8 needs the disconnect between her brain and her behavior to be resolved. Daddy needs to step up on this one.
If DH won't take positive action to address this crap then SD must be left to suffer the consequences of not turning in her work.
It took a while but we were able to get this message effectively delivered to our kid. Probably the most poignant lesson was to listen when you are told to take reasonable action to prevent a problem. We were on vacation to Hawaii as a family and my SS (then 15)decided he could hike 2-miles across a lava field in flip flops to watch the lava pour into the Ocean at Kalapana. We told him to put on his shoes. He gave us the snarky teen look and headed off across the lava trail. We let him go. By the time we got the water his feet were a shredded bloody mess. He asked us to go get his shoes. We told him nope. His choice not to listen, he could deal with the consequences. So about midnight we made it back to the car. We stayed with him while he hobbled the 2miles back to the car. The kid definitely used his head much more effectively after that and would take our advice much more seriously.
Eventually kids learn, some more easily than others.
Nice story. I only wish
Nice story. I only wish something like that would happen to my SS. Not that I want him to suffer any bodily harm, but I truly think that is the ONLY way he’ll learn. Just this last weekend, as we were leaving my in-laws place (I’m backing out of the driveway), SS announces “Mom? Do you have my sweater?”. Sure enough, he had left it inside the house. The whole time we were packing and saying goodbye and nagging at SS to get his sh*t together, he’s just sitting on the couch putzing around with his iPad.
I put the car in park and just as I turned my head to give SS an angry blast and to go into the house to fetch his sweater, DW jumps out and runs to the house to fetch it for him...
*SMH*
I love my wife, but she is never EVER going to be able to teach SS how to be responsible.
Why didn't she tell the SS to
Why didn't she tell the SS to go get the sweater? She didn't forget her sweater so why should she have to go back in?
Why is the economy in the
Why is the economy in the state that it's in?
Why can't my company follow good management practices?
Why can't schedules be followed?
Do aliens exist and if so, have they visited earth?
Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?
Why can't my wife get her son to be responsible for his own actions (or lack thereof)?
There are many answers to these questions, but nothing truly conclusive, and therefore they remain a mystery that will stand the test of time in the hopes that maybe a future generation may solve them...
BAHAHAH my bad! I guess
BAHAHAH my bad! I guess things just seem so outright obvious to us and yet to the our SO, it's just not.
Yeah, I can see it now. Me:
Yeah, I can see it now.
Me: "Hey guys! May I direct your attention to the pink elephant in the room!"
DW and in-laws: *BLINK* *BLINK*
Me: "So? What do you think?"
SS's uncle: "Hey! You guys notice how tall SS is getting? Isn't it great?"
SS'S aunt: "Oh yeah! So great to be nice and tall!"
FIL: "My father used to be a tall person! I remember one time he took me to the bakery and bought me and my sisters an apple pie. As kids, we loved apple pies! It was sooo good! Hey speaking of apple pies. Who wants some?"
SS: "I hate apple pie!"
FIL: "Oh that's okay grandson! All kids hate apple pies."
Drac0: "But you just said...."
FIL: "Do you want some pie Drac0?"
Drac0: "Uh....At first I did,...now I am not so sure."
Why should a child get
Why should a child get spanked for making the same mistake the adult in the picture is making?
I find it amazing that we expect an 8 year old to do what a grown ass man can't do.
I'm not an expert, but I feel
I'm not an expert, but I feel I can answer this because I have read a dozen books on the subject.
First off, NO psychological diagnosis will straight out say "this kid has ADHD". There are certain symptoms that a child can exhibit but nothing will be 100% conclusive (which further fuels the debate).
As a parent, there are signs you can watch out for.
1) Does the child have trouble to stay on task? For example, you just prepared your child his favorite dinner. He's excited. YOu ask the child to go wash his hands before dinner. Child nods his head (he heard you), you see him run off to the bathroom excitedly. He goes inside and then just stands there. His mind was so proccupied with the excitement of the meal, that he has completely forgotten what you asked him to do.
2) Are complex tasks impossible to complete without constant supervision? For example, you tell the child to go clean his room. He goes to his room, he makes his bed, he starts to organize his comic book collection. He starts placing them in order of comic books that he has read and those he hasn't read. Naturally he can't remember what books he's read and hasn't read so he just lies in bed and starts reading....Tasks like "clean your room" are far to complex for the child to process. They have to be broken down into simpler steps; make your bed, clean your desk, pick toys off the floor and put them away, ect.
3) Is the child so easily distracted, he doesn't seem to hear you or acknowledge you? You are speaking to the child but his back is to you. You end up shouting, but he still doesn't seem to hear you. The only way you seem to get the child's attention is if you are standing face to face maintaining constant eye contact and screaming at him. You are clearly frustrated but the child is now upset because in his mind, he hasn't done anything wrong. Some children need to be told to stop whatever it is they are doing, and focus ALL their attention on you before they can even begin to process information you are trying to relay to them.
4) How consistent is the daily routine with the child? If the child is being shuttled back and forth between the mother's and father's homes, the lack of routine because the rules at one house (like bed times) don't apply to the other. This makes matters 10 times worse for a child with ADD/ADHD. They will never remember what rules apply to which household.
5) Deduction is impossible. Problems or questions with very simple solutions are not analyzed at all by the child. My SS once asked in the middle of class "Are we Saturday today?". It didn't dawn on him to consider the fact that if it indeed was Saturday, he wouldn't be in class. "When are we having supper?" 15 minutes after you have just eaten dinner and left the restaurant. "Are we going to Grandma's house?" after you have dressed him into his baseball uniform and told him you are taking him to baseball practice.
If OP's step-daughter is
If OP's step-daughter is anything like my three skids (ages 9, 8, and 7), her main problem is that she's never been expected to keep up with anything. BM and DH always took care of everything, and still do, and they don't have a clue when it comes to making sure you have everything when you walk out the door. They just walk out, la-dee-da, like they're going for a stroll, leaving all their bookbags in the house. DH schleps the bags out to the car for them, never expecting them to lift one of their precious fingers to carry anything. It's pathetic.
So with my skids, I'm pretty sure it's not ADHD or anything else, beyond simply never having had to learn to keep up with stuff because somebody else always has, and apparently always will.
Imagine how I feel. I have a
Imagine how I feel. I have a step-son WITH ADHD and DW never, not once holds him accountable for anything! The one time he was grounded, SS "forgot" he was grounded the very next day!
I used to give little reminders to DW (even to the point of grabbing her to make her stop what she was doing), to stop enabling SS but I don't see the point in doing that anymore.
How did they do today ???
How did they do today ???
She didn't forget it this
She didn't forget it this morning and she made a point to walk up to me and tell me, LOOK Accordn2L I have my bookbag on. I really wanted to slap her shitty little face too. I really used to be a nice person but this kid sucks the nice right out of me.
"I really used to be a nice
"I really used to be a nice person but this kid sucks the nice right out of me."
Oh, I can totally relate to that every other week when the skids are with us. God, every two seconds it's something with them - clothes piled up everywhere, wet towels on the bathroom floor, nasty unflushed toilets, wetting the bed and not telling anybody, expecting DH to do everything short of wiping their ass for them every minute of the day, not remembering where they put anything...it NEVER ENDS.
That's why I checked out - disengaged - almost immediately from these kids. They're just...God, they're more than I can handle.
I used to think I was a nice person until I had to live with them for a while. Turns out I'm not. Not in every situation, anyway.
I can only imagine the
I can only imagine the earfull my DH would get if he even THOUGHT about calling me to take one of his kids' bookbags to them at school! HELL NO!
SO and I have barely spoken
SO and I have barely spoken all week because of this. I come to work just to have peace and quiet and be away from him and skid. I dread the thought of being home with them all weekend.
Mine are going to be gone all
Mine are going to be gone all weekend since it's Mother's Day weekend. That's an awesome present for ME!
DH has finally figured out that I will NOT be bothered to step & fetch for his kids like he does. He doesn't like it, but I think he's finally started to accept it.
I'm so jealous! That is what
I'm so jealous! That is what I want for Mother's Day, him and her to go somewhere for the weekend and leave me the hell alone. Two days of not listening to her talk non-stop about BM and the new baby due anyday and other stuff that I care nothing about, constant calling out for DAAAAADDDDDDDYYYYYY, running to her room and slamming the door when she doesn't get her way when playing with my BD11 and crying about how mean we are. That would be the best present EVER.
Oh, I wish you could have
Oh, I wish you could have that! I'd give it to you if I could! I'll be thinking about you!
(((HUGS)))
Is there any way you could just go somewhere to get away from them, even if it's just for a short time? I've started doing that whenever possible, and it's made a BIG difference! I feel so much less stressed out! I can't do it as often as I'd like, but I take every opportunity I can get!