Honey the issue isn't the skids, it's HIM. Aggressive and controlling? That's not going to change because his kids grow up, the two don't really have a lot to do with each other. I wouldn't go back, ever. Why would you want to be with a man that bullies you into doing what he wants you too? That doesn't make sense to me. This has bad written all over it.

The kids are not the issue here.

Cut your loses and stay family away from that man. Men like him are dangerous. He will say all the right things to get you back. He may even change for a short period of time. As soon as he feels he has you where he wants you,(unemployed and with a kid) it will be business as usual.

RUN! He doesnt want a wife and a partner to share his life, he wants someone to do the job of parenting because he cant be bothered too!

My OH used to moan blind about missing his kids, wanting them with him etc...BM told him he could have to the 2 sons who were 14 and 16 at the time but not his 3 yr old daughter (BM use to use her as a weapon against dad cos she was (daddies ickle' princess"), and he s**t it! Refused and said no, he would have all or none of them! Even MIL admitted to me that she thought he didnt actually want the responsibility of them. He eventually admitted that his view was that kids should be with their moms as thats the best place for them as dads cant connect in the same a mom does.

Please leave and try to find the way back to yourself. It doesn't get better. It gets worse. I just finished answering a private message to someone on this sight, and I told her I lost myself. I am finding my way back. But I will never be the same. PLEASE DO NOT have a baby. Your mental health sounds like it has taken its toll…read more threads, most of us end up with a wine bottle or anti-depressants if we are lucky. What goes next is your physical health. It only gets harder as you age. It only gets worse as the skids grow up. You sound like Cinderella, and he is NOT your prince charming!

Controlling what you wear? Unless you are a member of the Taliban, that is absolutely not acceptable. RUN AND DO NOT LOOK BACK.

He pretended to be someone he was not because he needed someone to take care of his kids.

It's not going to get better, this is who he is.

As far as the kids, he is not letting them grow up so they will be dependent on him forever. And he will expect you to be there for them forever, also.

Save yourself.

I agree. Save yourself. You dodged a bullet. I would stop talking with him continue treatment and move on. It's not being a step parent that was your issue it sounds more like a DV relationship. Go out and get a better person. You deserve it.

Oh HELL no. Do NOT go back to this man. Your real problems have nothing to do with stepkids, and go beyond anything related to everyday bitching about what stepkids do.

I was married to a man like that. I couldn't wear makeup, jewelry, nice clothes, or go anywhere alone except to work, and he was suspicious about that, too. He would've taken me to work and picked me up every day if he could have, just to keep an eye on my comings and goings. I NEVER gave him any reason not to trust me.

It wasn't that way at all when we were dating. He lavished so much attention on me, made me feel like a queen, and everything was great until we got married. Then, slowly but surely, everything changed. He was controlling, manipulative, and downright mean. Never around other people - everybody thought he was a great guy - but when we were alone, he became a completely different person. I couldn't even look in the direction of another man without him going apeshit on me. He'd randomly search my purse looking for "suspicious things," search the call history on my phone, search my car, whatever he felt like doing because he was convinced I was a slut who was whoring around.

If I went to the grocery store, he'd check the time on the receipt to see when I left the store, just to make sure I didn't spend any "extra time" getting back home.

I became a prisoner in my own home, and a slave to his three kids.

This man just wants a maid and chauffeur for his kids, and someone he can abuse. DO NOT go back. It took me six years to get enough of a backbone to leave that horror of a human being (he threatened to kill me if I ever left), but finally I decided that risking death was better than staying in that situation any longer.

I'm sure he's being nice now, trying to convince you to come back, but if you do, it'll be twice as bad. RUN! RUN FAST! RUN FAR! You deserve SO much better than this!

My ex didn't kill me, but he has done everything he can to make my life as hard as possible in the five years since I got away from him. I still watch my back everywhere I go, and every little noise at night wakes me up. These men are monsters. The kids aren't the problem, and NO, it doesn't get better. It just gets worse. DO NOT GO BACK!

ETA: I did leave my ex-husband once, for about a month, after a particularly bad explosion he had after I "was gone too long" (in his opinion) getting groceries one morning. He was convinced I was laid up with some other guy the whole time. (Yeah, with my 2-year-old in tow! Right!) My ex called me every name in the book, screaming and yelling right in my face, right in front of our 2-year-old son. Our son was terrified, and yes, I left that day. But my ex was SOOOO nice to me after that, showering me with gifts, apologies, crying and begging me to please give me another chance. He promised to go to therapy, change whatever I wanted him to change, blah blah blah. He swore everything would be sunshine and rainbows if I gave him another chance, and for our son's sake, I finally did after a month of us being separated. Boy was that a mistake. I wanted to see if we could make it work for our son's sake. Otherwise, I probably wouldn't have gone back. As soon as I had my foot back in the door, everything went back just like it was before, only it was MUCH worse. The abuse got worse and started straying over into physical abuse, and he started doing it more and more in front of our young son. I made a promise to myself that if it ever got bad between us again - for whatever reason - I was going to leave, once and for all, and that's exactly what I did. Even after he threatened to kill me, I left anyway. NOBODY deserves to live in a hell like that, and neither do you!

Now that his laundress, cook, cleaning woman, chauffeur, babysitter and sex worker is gone he really needs your to come back.

Block his cell phone (call your company for help), emails, Facebook and other social sites. If he mails a letter return it unopened and if he shows up in person tell him you'll get a restraining order. Do all of this nicely but forcefully. It's over.

Agreed with others here, you have done the hard thing by leaving why on earth would you go back to hi?
You have no kids, no reason to ever communicate with this man again.
Do not go back, get your divorce and get on with your life. You will find someone who loves and treats you right

Yuck. Even if he downgrades to "irritated and grumpy" which he probably won't, but let's say he does for argument's sake, who wants to live with that?

The book "Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft changed my life. It was written by a man who dealt with abusers as a therapist, but the book is written from the victims' perspective. It gives a very different outlook on why some men (and women) act this way. It's a deep-rooted sense of entitlement, and sadly, no amount of outside intervention can make any long-lasting improvements a lot of the time.

About all you can do is get away from the abuser, and STAY away.

Check out that book, though. I swear it was written by a person who know my ex-husband. It describes him and his behavior to a T!

I have barely read any of the other comments so sorry if I am repeating.

It is not worth it at all. Why would you want to be with a man who clearly tricked you??

I will say I deal with a severe adult ADHD DH that can cause many anger issues. I know there are some stories I could tell including me holding up a ATV that he was working on while he took a hammer to his work bench screaming and yelling about I believe it was money issues that would make people ask why I stay. This is just one story and most of the time anger happens in private though has also happened in front of MIL, BIL10, SS and several other people who quickly put DH in his place. Is it worth it for me to live in these conditions? Yes and No. I say this because DH was upfront that he had issues, he even went on to tell me stories about his and BM's fights that make me realize that though she was not the best wife she went through some things she didn't always deserve. My DH was honest from the start and I did many nights of research to see how to cope with his outburst. Since we have gotten married he has calmed to as calm as I think he is going to get, he no longer throws things, and is quick to say he is sorry after he knows that he is in the wrong. I am choosing to live this life because I know my DH is on medication, I know that he knows he control, and he is always even from the start been remorseful. We have our roles, but never has he tried to control them or tell me what to do, and if he did I would be running to the courthouse. And trust me I know after reading this people will wonder why I stay but I have someone actively trying to fix a RELATIONSHIP not a JOB (meaning having you do the job of taking care of his kids and the house).

You deserve better. You have no children with him, you have a place to stay away from him and that's what I would do. He tricked you and you deserve better, and it is not the SKids fault and honestly they deserve to have their father not show him how he would treat a woman because no girl/woman deserves to grow up thinking that it is okay to be treated that way.

I'm glad your confident. Ii wish you the best. Key is to stop communication even if it's hard and he's being nice and sorry. The second key is to tell a friend or family member so if your convinced to go back they can remind you. Good luck!