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SO Sleeps on the couch

morethanibargainedfor's picture

Submitted by morethanibargai... on Wed, 02/26/2014 - 1:07pm

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When SD13 visits every other weekend, SO won't sleep in the bedroom with me. He's old school and thinks it will set a bad example for SD because we are not married.
She's not stupid. She knows he sleeps in our bed when she is not there. Yet he still doesn't think it's right.
Has anyone else experienced this?
I doubt we are going to get married until at least 2015. It's starting to take a toll on me, especially since SO works out of town sometimes and could be away for a week or two but home on weekends. If his two weeks of being away fall on a weekend when she is coming that is 2 weeks straight that we are not sleeping in the same bed.
It's very frustrating and just one more thing that she controls in my life!

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Wed, 02/26/2014 - 1:15pm

hmmm...I kind of did what your SO is doing. DH and I did not live with or marry for 7ish years. Not one time, did we sleep at each others house when we had the kids.

We had rare weekends that would could spend together without the kids, but not much. Does it make me a hypocrite? YUP and I don't care. lol

I wanted my kids raised that first comes love then comes marriage. Not shacking up.

Edit to add..can you just run down and get married at the JP? Then have a bigger wedding in 2015?

morethanibargainedfor's picture

Submitted by morethanibargai... on Wed, 02/26/2014 - 1:22pm

WOAH! Married at the JP? Scary!! I'm not ready to be married yet I don't think. He hasn't even officially proposed. A good idea in theory, if it didn't scare the shit out of me! LOL

Disneyfan's picture

Submitted by Disneyfan on Wed, 02/26/2014 - 1:35pm

Add me to the hypocrite list. I did the same thing when my son was a minor. DF and I live together now, but we didn't meet until two weeks after my son graduated from high school.

Willow2010's picture

Submitted by Willow2010 on Wed, 02/26/2014 - 1:32pm

Oh..I thought you were engaged since you said you were getting married in 2015...I agree with everything Echo said.

Sweet T's picture

Submitted by Sweet T on Wed, 02/26/2014 - 1:49pm

We did the same thing, we never slept together in the same bed when we were with the kids...even on vacation. BM's BF slept on the couch till the week after we got married then they started sleeping in the same bed every weekend with 5 kids under the age of 10 present.

morethanibargainedfor's picture

Submitted by morethanibargai... on Wed, 02/26/2014 - 1:52pm

See, this is why I like it here! It gives you a totally different perspective. Now I know that BF is normal and I am being unreasonable and may a little selfish.
You guys are right. It's only 4 days a month. I'm going to suck it up!
Thank you Smile

Jmom's picture

Submitted by Jmom on Wed, 02/26/2014 - 2:05pm

Well . . . . the year before DH and I got married we decided to get rid of his lease because I bought a home and we need to save money. For a full year until our wedding day the guest room was his room. My BS was 11 at the time (now 14) and we wanted to set a good example for him since he lived in the home. I really didn't give a rip what BM or SD thought since BM's house was like a revolving door of repairmen at the time.

omgsaveme's picture

Submitted by omgsaveme on Wed, 02/26/2014 - 2:20pm

Thats nice and all but this traditional crap went out when the Cleavers. Sorry, SD is 13 and not stupid. Her dads trying to sleep on the couch to present a good example cause they aren't married meanwhile SD13 is listening to her friends discuss how they blew Mark at Jaimes house last Saturday and how Marissa thinks she's pregnant oh and don't forget how shed love to shack up with Justin Bieber.

She watches TV Im sure and is exposed to ALL kinds of things. I did everything ass backwards in my life and my children know this. I lived with SO before we got married, my kids don't all have the same father, and I explain to them that just because I did this or that I still tell them you need to get married before you have children, take things slow.

It wasn't long ago that I was 13 and I drank and snuck out at 13. I had friends telling me they had sex at 13. This was a looooooong time ago, who knows what they discuss now. It is nice that DH is trying though, that is cute of him.

sbm014's picture

Submitted by sbm014 on Wed, 02/26/2014 - 2:38pm

DH and I were the worst example for SS I'd say. I ended up pretty much moving in the the 2nd time he was home after we met. And SS6 knows we shower together, he's caught DH and I both actually sleeping naked in the bed (long night and no one wanted to get up after), etc. When we shower if SS is up DH will go downstairs immediately after to spend time with him.

However MIL is a little more conservative with BIL10. He knows we sleep together but not shower. When he is in the house DH and I are a little more conservative in the our affection and also we will not shower together even if he is asleep out of respect for MIL.

I was different with my ex who had a daughter as sometimes I would sleep on the couch, and such to show her good lady like manners. With SS I hate to say it but I don't care as much.