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6 Year Old SD Suddenly Wetting Her Pants

mama4u3's picture

So my 7 yr old SD has suddenly started wetting her pants at least once a day, sometimes more. She has been living with her father and I for 9 month, and this issue just started 2 weeks ago. She went to visit her BM immediately after the final divorce hearing (parents have been separated for over 18 months, and mom was the one who moved away), and when she returned she was a different kid! We've discovered that BM discussed a lot of things that should never be brought up to a 6 year old, but the main thing is blaming BD for the divorce, although mom was the one that moved a few hours away. The first week after SD returned she had serious behavioral problems at school, her after school program, and at home. She has been on Miralax most of her life for chronic constipation, so the first problem was that she did not receive her normal dose the weekend she was with BM, but we got the problem fixed after a few horrible times in the bathroom. We thought that maybe the accidents were related to the chronic constipation, but previously the accidents were few and far between, so we also thought maybe it was that she just didn't want to miss out. Last weekend, BF, my teenagers and I went out of town to see family, and BF had to drive about 30 minutes further to meet BM for her weekend visit. BM did not make it to the meeting site after 2 hours so BF said since it was late and the weather was bad she could meet him where we all were and take a safer route home. Well, no shock to me, BM did not want to make the effort to drive the extra little way to have her daughter for the weekend. Since that time, SD has peed her pants once or twice a day, but it was definitely not due to her not wanting to miss out on anything. We spent the weekend at the cabin with quite a few family members and once she literally stood in the middle of the living room while we all watched the spot in her pants grow, this was 30 minutes after I had sent her to the bathroom to pee! Watching this child go through hell because of BM is killing me, and SD has lost friends at school, and will loose more, if the behavior and pants wetting continues. Any advice on how to deal with the pants wetting would be greatly appreciated!!!!!

mannin's picture

Wtf?!

stormabruin's picture

Uhhh...yeah, you nailed the "SMH" part, but YOU are the one I'm SMH at. They're doing exactly what you taught them to do.

***SMH***

Tuff Noogies's picture

oh the pee jug... MIL has tried to force this one many times for nighttime use, and dh has put his foot down every time- "they will NOT piss in a damn jug, they can drag their sleepy little asses to the bathroom like every other human."

that's just teaching utter laziness

Anon2009's picture

Wetting pants is sometimes a sign of abuse, stress and/or a medical issue. Can you imagine the resentment this child will feel if one of those things is going on but this is handled in the way you suggested? Many kids don't feel comfortable talking about medical issues and/or abuse (if that's what's going on here).

Generic's picture

Oh, no. Bless her little heart. My heart hurts for this little girl. I think it's time for a doctor visit. Maybe it's a bladder infection or maybe it's something more sinister. Not to alarm you, but you do want to make sure there's no sexual abuse first and foremost.

mama4u3's picture

UTI or bladder infection did not occur to me until I started reading articles this morning. Unfortunately, although she only sees her mother every other weekend (on a good month, sometimes it's 4-6 weeks between visits), we still have to have her approval for any doc visits, so I have to wait to get permission to make an appt. But I do think it's a possibility and we definitely need to see the doc! I try really hard to tell her that she just needs to go when it's time, without reminders, I'm honestly terrified it's going to happen at school. We live in a very small town, and she moved up here this summer, so although she's still getting to know everyone in her grade, peeing her pants at school will follow her around socially for years to come.

mannin's picture

My first thought was abuse or trauma of some type.

Can't an appt be made without BM's permission if abuse is suspected?

mama4u3's picture

I honestly don't know exactly how DH would feel about it. SD is always so open and honest about how much she doesn't like the rules, structure, healthy diet here as compared to chocolate cereal at bedtime at BM, and no set bedtime there. And she is always tattling on everyone (including the pets), so I would hope if there were any type of physical abuse she would have slipped and said something to someone. But now I'm starting to really freak out about the possibility, so I think I'm just gonna have to push to be allowed to make the appt. We're still fighting to get paperwork from BM for me to be able to take SD to counseling appts, all I need is a signature stating I can arrive with the child, pick up the child, and make and change appts. Since DH works out of town, it's all up to me and BM is being insanely difficult about giving me any type of control at this point. I'm really worried if the word abuse comes up she'll make our lives hell again. Its sad, she really doesn't want much to do with her daughter, but she sure likes to try and control everything we do to help the poor little girl!

mama4u3's picture

I have actually raised 3 boys that are teens now, and somehow I forgot how to mother a 6 year old in the past 7 years. As hard as I try, I end up talking to SD like she is far older, so I'm still working on relating to her on her level, and teaching myself how to talk to a 6 yr old without seeming like I'm interrogating. But I do think talking would be our best bet, she's a smart cookie and realizes more than her father gives her credit for most days.

omgsaveme's picture

My SS10 had never wet the bed but only started after a short summer visitation with his "dad" that caused my son to have some issues. He started wetting the bed almost every night, once we got him back on a schedule it was fine. He wasn't being abused cause he was having some issues with how his dad treated him and the environment out there. Needless to say that was the last time he went for visitation.

This is definitely some emotional issues, I would have her talk to a counselor. BM needs to get her head out of her ass.

mama4u3's picture

You hit the nail on the head about BM!! She has always been insanely selfish and life is all about her, not her older children, not her daughter, all about her and what she wants. We are really hoping to start counseling in just a few days, as long as I get the dang paperwork back from BM. On the bright side, yesterday was accident free, so that definitely made me feel a little better that I'm doing something right!

mama4u3's picture

I just wanted to thank everyone for their thoughts on this subject! Although the only permission I received from BM was to make/change appts, and to transport to/from appts, we are cleared to see the counselor tomorrow. I'm hoping that within a few weeks my poor SD will begin to be able to deal with her emotions and BM's emotional manipulations and we will begin to make progress with her instead of our normal 1 step forward and 5 steps back after visits with BM. We also have a court time for final orders, which if we're super lucky will include a solid every other weekend schedule for SD to see BM, and no makeup days (as BM wants her makeup days to be during the week and since she lives 5 hours from us SD would miss school days). The support I've gotten here has been wonderful, and I want to truly thank everyone! It's great to know that there is somewhere to rant and rave and know it won't come back to bite me in the ass!! The school counselor, and outside unbias adults all agree that this was definitely an emotional issue and are ready to testify in court if we need in the future. For now, BM is still being insanely selfish and unconcerned with her daughter's well being, but at least we know that we are doing everything in our power to help her get through all of this. Thank you all for your support!!!