Handling my emotions
My step daughter is now 5 years old with the brain of an 8 year old. Smart wonderful beautiful little girl. Lately when she comes over she picks on her two younger half sisters. I know part of this is her age but this past weekend she kept telling me how much money her mom had and how her mom had so much more money than we did and her mom had all these things that we didn't have. She said at "her house" and "at home" and "where I live". It just took me back. She also talked about how everything we had for her was trash. TRASH!! Now I don't have a ton of money but the things I buy are not TRASH especially now the warm winter coat or the nice tennis shoes or the thick blanket...you get the idea. I blew up on her this weekend only to realize OMG she is only 5 years old. I had just had enough. Her mom does not have money. She lives in a double wide with her mom and dad and her grandmother. They all smoke on her all the time. She does not own a winter coat at that house only the one we bought for her. She has every toy that Walmart sales but her clothes always smell like smoke. She wears leggings to school almost every day of the week and sometimes her hair is not even brushed.
How can I handle this better? I felt so terrible for blowing up on her like that but I can't take the ungratefulness all of the time. Seriously...her mom could buy her toilet paper and it would be the best toilet paper you ever did see but we buy her a $50 coat and it's trash.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
I would just say something
I would just say something like, " I'm glad Mommy provides you with nice things. Daddy and I always do our best to give you what you need. That's not nice to say your things are trash here. Where would you ever get that idea?" Maybe someone said something to her or she feels less than for some reason. I know it can be hard not to take things personally, but try to be patient and see where that came from...
^^ This ^^ She's 5. Find
She's 5. Find something to do until you settle down. You would hear much of the same if she were yours and she went to a friend's regularly. Really.
Sometimes I feel like this is
Sometimes I feel like this is the case. Almost as if she is trying to defend it. The things is I don't think it is some horrible hell hole over there. However...it is no Disney castle. She did better this weekend but I picked up on some of the stuff she was saying where she was just repeating something she had seen me do for the other two girls and inserted "my mom" in the place of me. Example: one of my girls had chapped lips so I tried to put chap stick on it (the medicated kind) and it burned so I said that's fine I will just put it on her when she goes to sleep and she will never know. My SD then responded by saying "yeah that's exactly what my mom did the time that my lips were really super chapped like that she put it on me but I didn't like it because it burnt so she put it on me while I was asleep then it was all better." haha I realized then that she kind of just made stuff up.
Totally worth checking out
Totally worth checking out borderline personality disorder and how to live with one - not because your stepdaughter is a person with BPD, but because the tips and tricks of dealing with BPD's are really effective when dealing with children who lie! I promise you it will arm you with some tips and tricks to help you get through the next 15 years
Put yourself in time out.
Put yourself in time out. Seriously.
I do it to myself whether it's going for a walk, to the store, or anything to get away from the situation to calm down.
You're right I need to find
You're right I need to find some time for just me. I've decided to start waking up early and going to the gym that way I can clear my head first thing in the mornings. No one ever regrets a workout.
I would step through the Fact
I would step through the Fact inventory with SD-5.
1. Do you have a warm winter coat at your grandparent's house? - No.
2. Do they smoke at your grandparent's house and expose you to unhealthy stuff? - Yes.
3. Does your mom have a house or does she live with your grandparents? - No she doesn't have a house and Yes we live with my grandparents.
4. Why do you stink like smoke?
5. etc.....
Facts, they tend to put things in perspective. Share them with your SD in an age appropriate manner. That is the only way you can prepare her to protect herself from the shallow and polluted end of her gene pool.
No need to point out the superiority of the situation at your home. Just share the facts.
IMHO of course.
Good luck.
I would take her to a second
I would take her to a second hand store and buy her the ugliest stuff I could find and replace all of her nice stuff with it until she could learn to be more appreciative.
Not bpd. She's acting age
Not bpd. She's acting age appropriate. I'm guessing she heard her bm and bgp talk trash. She's probably picking
It up from then. She's five. You should tell her she's not being nice and tell her she needs to take space.
Take her from community or you take space(go into other room) chill and come back
To a five year old. Five year olds compare stuff. Kids do it at all ages. Mine is better than yours etc.
If I were you, I would get
If I were you, I would get her to pick out some of her toys from your house that she doesn't play with anymore and bring it to an orphanage or homeless shelter near where y'all live. This way she can see that other people don't have nice things and she could have it worse than what she is complaining about. She can feel like a big helper and it will teach her it's important to give to those in need when you have extra to give. And if she isn't a fan of giving away her toys then do it anyway so maybe next time she won't complain about them being trash in the first place. However, if you do go with this idea, just make sure you uplift her and praise her for giving and sharing. It will encourage her self worth which is probably what she is trying to gauge with all this "my mommy" stuff.