Advise? Help Please. I just want to cry.
So, DH is livid right now and I honestly don't know what to do. I am speechless.
So, during mediation it was decided that taxes would go to each parent every other year. Due to DH living in the house (his house that he bought had her name no where on it) for a few months the year of divorce, and other tax issues that got drug out this year would be the first year DH could claim SS.
Well, he called to tell SS good night and heard something about taxes and reassured to BM that he would be claiming SS. According to him she chuckled and said "No your not look at the very last decree we took it out last minute."
Mind you BM drug out signing the decree the first 8 months we were together (we might right before the final court hearing - they went back in court for 9 months, 2 months after the split it started - so no home wrecking) so she could have insurance to try to claim SSI.
DH pulled up the second to last decree and compared them word for word...she legit got her lawyer to take out that one paragraph and no one noticed and DH is pisses. I feel like his lawyer should have noticed as he was supposed to read through each copy because she had tried to make changes in the one prior saying DH couldn't have SS a week straight mind you custody is set for 6 days at a time. I know DH was worn down by this time trying to find her changing minor stuff like that (he caught the week thing before his lawyer said he had time to read it). There is 2 pages concerning taxes still because of past issues so I am sure he was tired and didn't think she would mess with that.
We were counting on having the money for expenses that have come up that we didn't expect.
Any advice?
Anyone we live in Texas - I am pissed and DH is pissed and giving me the cold shoulder he is so mad. He is offshore and we have talked a total of 10min in the past 48 hours including the conversation about this.
Divorce lawyers often seem to
Divorce lawyers often seem to forge tho tell you things and make changes and broker deals on the backs of their own clients because ether know that they will have to work with the other attorney again. It's the good ol' boys club of lawyers. I know nothing about TX. law, but if it is not in there you will probably have to go to court to try to change it. The costs may not outweigh the benefit. It depends upon how many years you will be able to claim the ss. I am sorry for your pain. Divorce and divorce attorneys are too often the stuff of nightmares. Double check your documents, and see which version you have just to be sure your husband actually did sign the one that has no tax deduction clause. If your lawyer really did screw up, you can report to the ABA. Sadly, this will not help you, but it may save others... Best of luck to you!
I have read my copy over and
I have read my copy over and over and it is not there. Like I said DH caught the first change and not the other as honestly we were both worn down to the point of me wanting to leave because I thought he would never be divorced. His lawyer said he read over the last one but it seems he didn't though made sure to remind DH he had to give BM 40% of the previous return for that month and a half he lived in his house.
I just didn't know since it went through mediation and was in the decree the judge signed off on if it mattered.
Right now court is not option die to finances extremely tight. SS is 6 so we have a few years ahead but I don't know.
My heart feels broken as I know he is mad but his voice makes me feel punished for not catching the mistake.
I don't think he is meaning
I don't think he is meaning too. Like I originally stated we have talked maybe 10 minutes in 2 days. He got 4 hours of sleep today, 4 yesterday and then finding this out. It doesn't seem like he is trying to make me feel bad I am just not used to this voice, and have no way to comfort with him 1500 miles away.
Deep breath, it's not you
Deep breath, it's not you he's mad at. BM being a psychotic bitch is nothing new to him I'm sure. So with that said, pour a glass of wine and draft an email to his lawyer, and ask if you can get a temporary hearing to revisit the issue. Once your DH has time to process the whole thing he will probably give you a big hug and thank his lucky stars that he's with you and not the BM, and you guys can move forward. That does suck though.. My stepkids BM pulled similar crap when they drafted the seperation agreement. Thankfully it was caught in time. Good luck!
We have talked today and the
We have talked today and the love yous are much more, he even asked how my doctors appointment went all of that something hedoesn't do.
Like I said they caught a lot of stuff she drug out signing for 8 months after the judge had ruled on everything.
He has not said it was my
He has not said it was my responsibility - I am saying his anger is making his voice cold and not what I am used to making me feel this way. Mind you my emotions are high finding this out with him gone, and I didn't put in the original post I believe I have a ear infection and am in much pain but am unsure of if I can get a drs appointment in the morning.
Everything he has said he is blaming himself for not reading it careful and trusting his lawyer.
It is a one grand credit per
It is a one grand credit per kid I believe. However claim if SS he would get a higher standard deduction, along with an additional dependent deduction which would greatly lower taxable income - and as his company has pulled out for single instead of head of household he would have access put in creating a larger refund. It may not seem that big but like I said we have had several unexpected and expensive things happen that were honestly beyond our control.
Thank you. Im trying to breathe thinking of taking a sleeping pill soon and calling the doctor first thing.
I am expecting him I be mad until he can talk to his lawyer at least and then who knows. I just hate feeling like I can't even comfort him.
I took 2 sleeping pills and
I took 2 sleeping pills and slept like a baby for a few hours.
Went to dr as I walk in and sat there for 2 hours - apparently the infection is pretty bad I got ear drops and antibiotics.
NO NO NO, his attorney's
NO NO NO, his attorney's incompetence and his failure to fully read what he signed is not your fault. Shame on him if he tries or tried to blame you for this. Give him time to cool down, and see if there is an apology for speaking unkindly. I am so sorry bad news and the inappropriate reaction from your husband. I hope, hope, hope he is as stinting with his ex when she needs something from him beyond his court ordered obligations. Hugs!
He never tried to tell me it
He never tried to tell me it was my fault. I was saying the tone in his voice made it feel like it. He ended up calling back and never apologized but seemed to be calmed down and I made a comment "I felt like lately everything was going so good for us" I guess he took it as our relationship and goes "Everything is good for us, this isn't about us this about me feeling stupid for not catching it isn't your fault" so I guess in a way he semi apologized? We got to have a decent conversation but still you could tell he was stressed.
Part of me doesn't want to make excuses for him but I can only imagine some of the stress he is dealing with right now as one of his co-workers fell off a boat and has not been recovered, and this on little sleep. He has severe ADHD which also plays into anger.
He typically does not do anything out of court order obligation and has gotten out of paying several medical bills because he follows the whole if you don't give them to me within 30 days, and even gives her an extension just to be nice since he works offshore and she never does it in time. She does have the nerve to ask for some stuff though like over the summer a rock hit my AC condenser in my car and he fixed it, she asked if he could fix hers and he looked at her in front of me and said "I paid for that car, it is no longer my problem so take it to the shop."
He says that he did tell her he is almost done paying off his truck (October I believe) and that will free up money for him to go to court as much as he wants, and she can't afford a lawyer - her lawyer during divorce was state appointed due to "mental abuse claims (also how she got HUD housing saying she couldn't live in a house with such bad memories)" and we doubt she could get one as she doesn't have much and refuses to work, also the state is not obligated to give her one again unless we go for full custody. He also pointed out things were she is in contempt of the decree which he said made her back pedal a little bit.
I just hate the situation. I am hoping something can be worked out to help us, and if not I'm sure court will ensue. I just hate the stress -- and went to the doctor apparently my ear infection is pretty bad. I will let him bring it up this evening, as he is right it doesn't have problems with us I am the one who has walked through hell for him and he knows I had no say over the expenses we were surprised with or the decree.
I can understand him being
I can understand him being upset, but ultimately the blame lies on his shoulders. Considering he knew the ex had a history of trying to change things, he should have read that even more carefully before he signed it.
He has taken a lot of blame
He has taken a lot of blame and beat himself up about it. Honestly though like I said I think he was just so tired of it he wanted it signed.
Update - DH is in a little
Update - DH is in a little better mood.
He talked to his lawyer. He believes, that since they did have to present all the mediation stuff to the judge to sign off on before the decree was drafted they can revert this. Just as how they were able to catch her for the 7 day rule she tried to impose. His lawyer said he would look into how to do this, without it cost DH a butt load of more money for the short term.
I also read somewhere that he may be able to claim him over her since he makes more, and they have a joint custody and conservatership even though he is offshore for half the year. I am still more relying on what his lawyer is trying to do.
He also told me that BM pack peddled today scared she would lose CS if they went back to court as she now has a job though it is not much. She apparently told him she would consider letting him claim SS if he gave her part of the difference he got for claiming SS. DH told me is willing to tell her yes to this while his lawyer does research and if she agrees not give her anything, depending on what the lawyer says.
Seems like stress is going down a little bit and we have some optimism. I am still hoping the lawyer can get back to us today instead of dragging it all out leaving us to wonder longer.
I am just happy DH seems to be in a bit better spirits, and the caring man I know again.
Woohoo! BM has agreed to let
Woohoo! BM has agreed to let DH claim SS in hope of part of the difference he would get if he wasn't able to claim him. We already have decided she will not get half the difference but less than that but he will give her something to keep the peace UNLESS...
His lawyer is able to dig up more info. His lawyer is waiting on the courthouse to give him the full court transcript of her admitting to it as it was discussed on mediation and on every decree since DH filed (he presented her with several before being forced to do mediation and court) except the last. His lawyer says he will give DH a copy and they can look for additional discrepancies. BM has no clue this is going on and if it can turn up in our favor there will be a amendment to the decree, she will not get a portion and we will possibly start filing contempt charges for things that are in the decree she says she doesn't have to follow because she isn't the one who wanted the divorce (such as employer, address, etc) We know who she works for and where she lives but its all because of others.