Being portrayed as SUCH a monster...

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I need to rant a bit. My SD16 and I had a huge blowout a bit over a week ago which resulted in me apologizing to SD16 and my DW for me losing my temper over my SD telling me to go screw myself and DW exploding on me for yelling at her poor little girl(I received no apologies in return from SD or DW). I'm not permitted to govern the SKs in my home, but neither does my DW, so it gets nasty between all parties from time to time. Ultimately, I sat down with my DW and explained to her what "disengaging" is all about, and informed her that I would be doing so with her daughter. I also (as recommended) explained the portions to my SD16 that she needed to be aware of. I was optimistic, and things have been going smoothly, until...

I decided to post something funny on my SD's facebook page. I've been blocked and unfriended for months now (which makes no difference because I carefully monitor all activity and every keystroke made on my computer through spyware anyway), so I asked her if us being FB friends would be too awful under our new relationship agreement? She didn't think so, friended me, and I posted the funny meme I thought she would enjoy. I knew better, but I scrolled down her wall, and immediately found her sob story the night of our big argument. She played victim to the max, and painted me as this HORRIBLE monstrosity of a stepparent, taking no responsibility for her actions at all. I was immediately infuriated. I'm the ONLY adult in this child's life who supports her. I clean, cook, and pay the bills in my home. I'm concerned with her educational, emotional, physical, and spiritual well being (nobody else is). Her father threw her out of his home at the behest of his wife (terrible woman)a few years back, yet my SD worships the guy. It makes me want to puke on my shoes. This dickhead is a holy roller piece of shit that MIGHT contact his daughter on her birthday, and usually gets her nothing for Christmas. He stands her up on dates when she's attempted to establish a relationship with him, and otherwise belittles her in every way. I'm the one who comforts her when she cries. It's tough being a stepdad when you love your SD but a relationship seems impossible. No help from my DW to create a bond between her daughter and I either. Disengaging (while a saving grace) is very depressing. Rant end.

LOL, I got a good chuckle out

LOL, I got a good chuckle out of that Spacekadet. Yes, perhaps I'll be a complete schmuck of a stepdad and then she'll warm up!! Seriously though. My SD16 needs good parenting. When my DW allowed me to lay down the law, set rules and boundaries, and dole out punishment when necessary, our household (while not perfect) at least ran more smoothly. I was also adamant about letting my SD know that I love her, I'm proud of her, and that I like her for her. There's a lot to be said for consistency, routine, and balanced parenting. My DW just doesn't stand her ground or back me up at all anymore, and it's been getting worse over the course of a year or so to a point where I have no authority at all, and neither does my DW. I wish I could be a positive influence on my SD and be the parental figure she needs, but nobody in the equation is willing to afford my SD the opportunity to have as close to a normal childhood as possible. She's developed some bad habits, and it's only getting worse. Disengaging seems like the only way to hold my home together.

If you're going to disengage,

If you're going to disengage, then do it completely. This "oh we can be FB friends!" is just silly. .

I think that no matter what

I think that no matter what the step parents almost always are the A-holes. All you have to do is look at the kids the wrong way. In blended families it is loyalties that are always in question with the kids. The kids are loyal to their biological parents first and we step parents come second. However, over time things can change as the kids get a mind of their own. My SS just doesn't get it and he would do the same to me. Rant and rave, invent and lie and come up with all sorts of lifetime drama nonsense that doesn't exist. My SD is easier. She accepts and lays low cause I think she sees the issues with her mother. She just wants to be happy. Some kids are just constant pains in the rear!!!! Teen are tough.
Less effort with the kids emotions - more just doing your own thing.
Disengagge and get off the stupid facebook.
I HATE facebook.
NIGHTMARE!!!!!
My SD just got on it and now her SD is posting on it all the time and it's purpose is to post her real dad. We have learned to ignore and not let buttons get pushed cause a lot of people use facebook for personal dramas and dog and pony shows.

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