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summer vacation planning and the CO

AmIWicked's picture

Submitted by AmIWicked on Wed, 01/22/2014 - 1:08am

Forums: 
General Discussion

Some background:

My husband and his ex have joint legal custody, but he is designated by the court as primary physical custody. So the kids live with us.
His ex is a troublemaker. As in, she will cause a scene even if there is no scene to be made.
We have gone on vacations before, states away, and given his ex a print out of hotel info-she has never had an issue. We have always planned vacations on our time.
Nothing in the court order says anything about taking the kids on vacation, except something like:
"Both parties shall provide means of contact to the other party should either party be absent from their place of residence for an extended period of time." ~ I paraphrased.

So here is my situation and question:
My husband's sister,the kids aunt, just told us she is planning her wedding in the us virgin islands.
So, the U.S. virgin islands are a U.S. acquisition, still not a foreign country, not even a passport is needed to go there.
But I'm wondering, if the CO only says he has to give her the information, can she stop the kids from going because she technically has joint legal custody?

sixteensmom's picture

Submitted by sixteensmom on Wed, 01/22/2014 - 1:15am

If it doesn't say anything about taking children out of the state, you ought to be able to simply say you're going on vacation and tell her to use your cell phone if she needs to reach you.

SAHsigh's picture

Submitted by SAHsigh on Wed, 01/22/2014 - 7:23am

Our BM went on a cruise with her brood and SKs/5. She needed a signed notarized document that she could take them out of the country and promised to bring them back by x date. They didn't really need a passport for where they were going either; the notarized form was standard for the cruise line. (Sounds like they've dealt with this before...)

Maybe you could do something similar if you're that concerned. Otherwise I'll echo what's already been said: no passport needed, no need to worry. They are, after all, called the US Virgin Islands. It's not like you're taking them to Cuba.

The Virgin Islands sound like a wonderful idea! I hope you have fun!

simifan's picture

Submitted by simifan on Wed, 01/22/2014 - 7:29am

Legally - no but realistically possibly. If you are worried about it, then i would let her know after the kids are with you - hey, we are going out of town - call my cell if you need anything.

Calypso1977's picture

Submitted by Calypso1977 on Wed, 01/22/2014 - 7:50am

count your blessings you dont need a passport.

we want to get one for SD13 and BM refuses to sign the papers. imagine denying your child the opportunity to see the world!

guess we'll take her in 5 years when she's 18 and we dont need parental sign off. hopefully fiance's extended family who live overseas live long enough to meet his daughter! (BM would never get on an airplane and refused to allow fiance to ever take his daughter overseas by himself during their marriage).

Calypso1977's picture

Submitted by Calypso1977 on Wed, 01/22/2014 - 8:51am

in looking at this again, it does look like we could get her one at 16 with just one parent. i guess waiting 3 years is better than waiting 5.

the majority of our vacations are abroad. weve never been able to take her with us. i wont lie, i enjoy vacations alone with fiance, but i know SD feels left out. i told fiance to tell her straight out she cant come with us because of her mother's refusal to sign the paperwork.

SMof2Girls's picture

Submitted by SMof2Girls on Wed, 01/22/2014 - 9:31am

I don't think she could stop them from going if there's nothing in the CO specifically requiring her permission for them to travel (I can't imagine that would be the case) and the trip occurs completely on DH's time.

Our CO states we have to give 7 days notice of any travel plans and a general itinerary (flight times, where we'll be staying, and contact info). If yours doesn't require that, I would let the BM know just before you leave, or right as you land at the destination, via email with some high level info.

While you may not be REQUIRED to tell her where you're going, I think as a parent she has a right to know when her kids will be out of state, or out of country (even if it is a US territory). Just think if the roles were reversed and something happened on the trip .. wouldn't your DH want to know where they are and how to get a hold of them in an emergency?

I would just be very careful about how/what/when you communicate to her. Tell her at the latest possible minute so she can't interfere with travel plans, and give her a number to reach that you can control (you don't want her harassing the skid or your DH the entire trip).