School Decisions (Tech vs "regular")

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So, fiance and I think SD13 should go to the tech school for grades 9-12. her mother and all of her mother's family went to this tech school - they know of its caliber and offerings. the one here is excellent. i think deep down BM thinks SD should go too, but of course SD doesnt want to because she wants to stay with her friends so BM will side with SD's wishes rather than whats in her best interests. SD is a horrid student; she doesnt do well with a structured classroom environment. the tech school here (maybe they are all like this?) does one week of classes, one week of hands on work experience in the selected trade. we really think SD would thrive. at this point we dont see her ever getting into a college except for maybe a CC. the grades and motivation just arent there.

SO here is my question. the divorce decree states that both parents must agree jointly on a school. otherwise, if they cannot agree, the local school wins by default. are we pretty much screwed if BM wont agree to send SD to tech school? or is the tech school considered a local school? if a judge were presented with the grades, etc. in theory he could rule in fiance's favor for sending her there right?

the local HS is top notch.

the local HS is top notch. but what good is it to have a top notch school if the child doesnt benefit from it? :?

see the problem is BM would

see the problem is BM would be more than happy to have SD live at home with her forever and be dependent on her. BM is 42 and has lived with her parents for her entire life (when she was married to my fiance, they lived with her parents for all but the first 2 years of their marriage). so sadly, BM doesnt want to prepare her child to be independent. in her mind a man is a financial plan. :O

>SD is a horrid student; she

>SD is a horrid student; she doesnt do well with a structured classroom environment. the tech school here (maybe they are all like this?) does one week of classes, one week of hands on work experience in the selected trade. we really think SD would thrive. at this point we dont see her ever getting into a college except for maybe a CC. the grades and motivation just arent there.<

Back in my day, tech school was considered the secondary option for students who were failing in the "classic" classroom environment. These days, aspiring electricians, plumbers, mechanics, welders, special needs caregiver etc, go straight into the tech program and thrive. The key word there is "aspiring". If your SD's only aspiration is to be with her friends, then a tech program won't help her except maybe expose her to a "possible" career choice.

My advice is to have your fiance, BM and SD speak to a student councilor. Maybe have SD take a proficiency test as well. From there you will all have some direction. It may not give you guys the answer you are looking for but at least you'll have a direction.

Sounds like a neat school.

Sounds like a neat school. Not like anything we have here. I would push for it with BM. DH has input and should use it. I do think by this age, you can tell if they are college material. The jury is still out on that for my SS15. Definitely not for my SD17, but no one will tell SD that, instead BM will spend a ton of money for her to flunk out next semester. I think this option would have been great for my SS.

I would go to the BM and have DH have a sit down with her and SD. They need to be parents and do the right thing for their kid.

my hope is that the school

my hope is that the school counselor will encourage it - BM may listen to her.

jsmom, i totally agree that you can tell if a kid is college material by this age. there is no shame in going into the trades, although society today has made it shameful. too bad, becuase college is not for everyone and i truly beleive that as much as 60% of hte kids in colleges today have no business being there.

draco - i hear you on this: "The key word there is "aspiring". If your SD's only aspiration is to be with her friends, then a tech program won't help her except maybe expose her to a "possible" career choice."

if you asked BM if she'd rather have her kid be prom queen or valedictorian, she'd pick prom queen. every.time.

its times like this that i really wonder why the heck my fiance married this woman in the first place. she herself has no college degree or aspirations at all. complete opposite of my fiance (put himself through undergrad, and is now working on his master's while working FT). they were both very young....that must have been it.

>if you asked BM if she'd

>if you asked BM if she'd rather have her kid be prom queen or valedictorian, she'd pick prom queen. every.time.<

Ah. She's one of those...

*sigh*

One of the hardest lessons we learn in life is that high school gives us many opportunities to ascend to greatness where our achievements are exalted by our parents, our teachers and our peers and we are celebrated for being who we are; young, talented, pretty, smart, and special. But once we graduate, it's over.