hypothetically, do you think SO has the right to...
Ask BM to refrain from letting the skids come in her room and sleep with her?
BM co slept with SD7 and SO did not agree with it but since his job has always kept him from home and she is a controlling freak he didnt have any say. Whenever BMs parents come to visit SD7 sleeps with them and it turns into a nightmare because she comes here and wants to sleep with us. To the degree that she has a mental breakdown and we have to calm her down for almost an hour at bedtime. When that happened SO asked BM if she could put a stop to it due the rmotional effect on SD. Now BM has moved ss2 into a big boy bed but is allowing him to climb into her bed and sleep with her if he gets out of his bed and comes to her room... ss2 has never co slept. I have heard this can cause serious regression issues with kids his age. This is because it is a big accomplishment of independence for a child and if they go back to the parents bed it takes that from them... im not sure all the psychological theory behind it but it is specifically hard on kids of divorce. either way SO isnt happy at all with it.
I dont think he is going to say anything but hypothetically do you think he has any right to do so? I am just curious in a perfect world where BM wouldnt turn it into a huge fight do you think our SOs have the right to question exs parenting choices in their own home? In specific a co sleeping situation.
Especially when it causes
Especially when it causes their children to have emotional difficulty.
Especially when it causes
Especially when it causes their children to have emotional difficulty.
No, because it opens the door
No, because it opens the door for her to have a say in what goes on in your home.
The kids will just have to learn that there are different rules/routines at each house.
her business not yours.Kids
her business not yours.Kids are smart- just because they co sleep there they don't have to co sleep at yours.
I guess the question is - how
I guess the question is - how would you react when she objects to a parenting choice made in your home? Regardless of what many of us may think - lots of kids DO co-sleep w/no harmful effect. These kids (yes, eve at 2) are able to understand that Mommy and Daddy have different rules.
Yep, different houses,
Yep, different houses, different rules. My BS7 has co-slept with me, but does not at dads as two very different households (just me and him here, 4 siblings plus dad and GF at his).
I co-slept largely as I was exhausted with work and could not battle him every night. But you know what, in the last month he has started sleeping in his bunk bed on his own, and staying there. If my ex had complained to me it would have changed NOTHING.
I'm sorry... The poop is that
I'm sorry... The poop is that bad? That it can't be cleaned? What? How the hell do these people live?
imho, dh has the right to ask
imho, dh has the right to ask if he wants to. you can ask all day long. but he cant make her do anything, especially if she's a raging control freak as you stated!
if they've got a decent coparenting relationship it'd be a different story (as in "i'm trying to teach sd7 some independence as she's getting older, this is what we're doing here, do you think you could do the same so she can have some consistency?")
in your situation, i wouldnt bother. as pisces said "But we worked on it and have rules and boundaries and she knows now it is what it is. So she goes to bed without a fight. You don't give in." just be more tenacious about it than sd is!
Miss Kay, my DH would sleep
Miss Kay, my DH would sleep with the youngest SS until he was 7 or 8 (he is 9 now). It would drive me INSANE! I would go in there after about an hour and wake DH up and make him come to bed. I refused to let him sleep in there all night. His excuse was he didn't get to see them as much as he wanted (understandable). But I kept telling him that YSS already doesn't act his age (still doesn't, he acts like he's 5) and that sleeping with him like this, especially after he begs, pesters and acts like a baby to get daddy to sleep with him, was not good for his development and will make him too dependent (boy was I right). I finally got it through DH's head (and I think he got tired of me waking him up from a dead sleep in the middle of the night) and he stopped sleeping with him. SS9 still asks for DH to sleep with him but thankfully he says no, but SS has started something new where he says he can't sleep without "lovins" from daddy. These "lovins" are very long hugs and kisses on the lips (wwwwww). Annoying to say the least.
^^^^This^^^^^^ We tried to do
^^^^This^^^^^^
We tried to do same bed time routine and bed time. We asked BM what she does at her house so we can do the same, thankfully SD doesn't co-sleep with BM. But, BM would tell us she was doing something one way and then do it another. For example, SD is 3 and went into a big girl bed at around 2 and a half. BM told us she was doing it all week, so we set up SD's big girl bed etc for the weekend. Come to find out she wasn't doing it at all. No big deal, SD just started sleeping in her big girl bed that weekend with us, it actually went great. BUt moral of the story, BM will more than likely lie about what she is doing and you dont' have any control over what goes on at her house and she has no control about what goes on at yours. BM even tried to have get a fish tank for SD's room, because "she has one at my house and it should be the same."
That I understand... but this
That I understand... but this child has never co slept. It is not a matter of the kids being brought up co sleeping. That is to each his own and none of our business. My understanding with divorce and toddler age children is if the rever back to co sleeping or start wanting to co sleep is that it takes away a certain achievement for the child. That said I agree with you in your situation your house your rules.
Oh that would be satisfying
Oh that would be satisfying but not worth the drama that would follow. Made me laugh though!
We aren't going to go
We aren't going to go there... obviously lol she would fly off the handle. BM seems to think she can do it with us but we dont bother, just causes problems! Just more of a thought provoking post for once instead of negative whining ;). Which might come later today... we get the skids for the weekend I am interested to see what shenanigans BM will try to pull this go around!.
Lmao you are 100% correct!
Lmao you are 100% correct! This is mow why we pick our battles carefully. These are the exact same issues we are facing with now not only 1 skid but 2! Neither ome of the kids understand hoe to self sooth. I find it really sad and concerning. SD has zero coping skills and I feel so bad when dealing with emotional break downs with her it makes me sad. Now it looks like we are on the same path with SS.
My SD12 was sleeping with my
My SD12 was sleeping with my DH almost exclusively before I moved in a year ago. I told my DH that that was not going to continue. He spoke with her and put a stop to it. Well, a few days ago she showed up in our room wanting to sleep with us because she was scared. He allowed her to crawl in while I was asleep. When I woke up, I gave him a look that said “oh hell no” and he took her back to her room three times during the night. She is 12!!!!! Seriously??? It is NOT appropriate to be sleeping with a parent at that age. A child developes self esteem by learning to become independent. Also, a teacher friend who I was discussing this with said that if she went to school and told anyone she was sleeping with her father, they would be required to report it to CPS. Not sure if that is correct or not.
I know she sleeps with her BM, but realize I am in no position to complain. It’s just hard that the rules and parenting styles are different at each house.
He can say something about it
He can say something about it to BM- it's not illegal. But he should also be prepared for her to tell him to go pound sand. Co-sleeping may not be a good idea but it's not illegal.
I think he has every right to
I think he has every right to raise it as a concern and try and talk to her about it-because that's what adults do-but of course that does not mean she has to listen to him or change anything-but of course he has the right to ask.
I think cosleeping is fine in infancy. I coslept with my babies til the were between 6-9 months old-only took me a couple of nights to fully transition them to their own beds at that age. I hear stories now of 17 year old boys cosleeping with their mothers. This is gross.
To the poster that talked about unrelated kids all sharing a bed-I find this VERY inappropriate and IMO warrants a call to CPS-they may not do anything about it but they may indeed at least go talk to them and tell them to cut it out as this is just sexual abuse waiting to happen. The boy is 10, on the cusp of puberty and does not need to be sleeping next to any girls, related or not. Sometimes I really wonder what the hell is wrong with people.
Of course, he has every right
Of course, he has every right to express concerns over the way his child is being raised. However, she has the right to tell him to stuff it, as she likely will. IMHO I would leave well enough alone and, unless it is causing harm to the child, not stir the pot, especially if she is a confrontational BM.
My exH recently accused me of not taking care of our daughter’s hygiene because I let her shower in the morning instead of at night (with the exception of practice/game nights). I politely reminded him that we have two households with two ways of doing things, as long as she is bathed then I expect to not hear anything from him on that matter again. Funny though, this is coming from the man who found it appropriate to teach our young (6ish) DD to feed their pit bull a treat from her (DD’s) mouth...go figure.
Awwwwww that is kinda gross
Awwwwww that is kinda gross lol dogs eat poop! there are so many things that end up being simply just a power play. In our minds if it doesnt affect our household/the skids in a negative way we dont bring it up. My only problem right now as someone else said is I have sleeping issues and am expecting our son in 2 months time. SD has adjusted well to our rules of no co sleeping so that should not be an issue since ss is still in a crib in our home.
Lol, yea, it is kinda gross!
Lol, yea, it is kinda gross! Hopefully you won't have any further issues with her and she will understand the rules at your house are differet than at BMs. You will definitely need the sleep here shortly, huh!! Congratulations on the little one
In my case, BM goes the extra
In my case, BM goes the extra mile to do the exact opposite of anything DH brings up and undermines any discipline we do. SD got in major trouble at school, DH grounded her. She cried to BM about it, BM actually spent the entire weekend with her and actually did stuff with her for the first time in months. SD has now learned that getting in trouble at daddy's = fun times with mommy.
DH had his attorney send BM a letter about sleeping arrangements. BM lives with her mom, brother, sister and sister's 2 boys (they're about 6 - 8 yrs old) and BM's other daughter who is around 10. All 4 kids sleep in the same room. One of the boys is a bed-wetter and they never dry his mattress out - SD said the urine is dripping out of the mattress onto the floor - and the other smears his poop on the already pissy mattress. Attorney asked her to do something about the sleeping arrangements, SD does not need to be breathing in piss all night, boys and girls should not be sharing beds at that age, etc etc. SD's next weekend with BM, she was moved INTO THE PISS BED WITH THE BED-WETTER! It was bad enough that she had to be in the same room as it, now BM makes her sleep IN IT. So, in our case, saying anything to BM only makes things worse. Every freaking time.
Well my three all co slept.
Well my three all co slept. They've all grown up independent productive adults with families of their own.
But her house, her business and her rules.
Even a two year old can understand the different rules at mums house and at dads house. You two will just have to
Work out what works best at your house in order to get him to
stay in his own bed. Asking BM to change the sleeping arrangements at her house to match yours is inappropriate. If the shoe was on the other foot. If your husband wanted to co sleep with the child
and BM rang your husband asking him not to sleep with the child to make things easier at her house. I'm
Guessing you would tell her where to get off.
Get house. Get rules. Unless the child is being abused.
Unfortunately what goes on in
Unfortunately what goes on in one BioParent's home is not something the other BioParent has any right to comment on or infringe upon if there is no neglect or abuse occurring. However, that does not mean what goes in the oppositions home should be allowed to infringe on what goes on in yours.
Co-sleeping with a 7yo is not a good idea IMHO but is also not something that anyone else has any right to address within the other parents' home. All you and DH can do is set and inforce the rules in your home and let any blowback that may cause be dealt with by BM when SD-7 is with her. That is what she is doing to you with this co-sleeping with a 7yo crap.
I would suggest that your DH deal with it by taking the facts to SD-7.
1. 7yo young ladies do not sleep with their mom or their dad.
2. SD will sleep in her own bed in her own room at your home and she will not bother anyone else after bedtime. She can cry her head off in her own room with her door close. Then put her to bed and if she cries until she pukes, let her wallow in it. Freaking out is her choice.
If SD-7 or BM comment on what goes on in your home then put it back on BM and let her know that if she does not want SD-7 to be upset about sleeping in her own room and bed as is appropriate for a 7yo then BM better pull her head out of her ass and get with the program.
Set the rules in your home, stick with the rules and smack BM about the head and shoulders with reality if she bitches about it.
All IMHO of course.