I don't want to be harsh as I understand you're in a bad place but WHY did you go back? Nothing, not earthly possessions nor empty promises can make me return to a place where I am not only unloved but abused.

Stay with one of your granddaughters or your children, but get out. Who cares if you need to give up on your things, your health and safety are worth more than any material things you have in this world.

You need to request a police escort to help you take your things. Don't say a word to anyone else. Just go. Have the authorities with you for your own protection. Please, please get out of that house!

You need to go back to the people at the women's shelter, tell them you want to get out and then LET THEM HELP YOU do it!

Coming on this forum will do nothing for you unless all you want is people to feel sorry for you. You may not get a lot of that here, because many either have been in, or know of someone, who has been in abusive situations.

You made a decision and CHOSE to go back to this situation - WHY??

The people at the shelter should put you in touch with mental health professionals who can deal with your mental state, including your depression.

Anyone who goes back to an abuser will only get more of the same. And that's exactly what you've gotten.

First you need to treat your own underlying personality/mental health problems finding out why you CHOSE abusive people, before your life will change. Oftentimes victims of abuse are much like addicts - they can't seem to resist the abusive environment and go back to it over and over again. This is just as serious an addiction as alcohol or drugs. You need to find out how to overcome your own "addiction" to living a degrading, abusive life with this guy and his family.

I wish you all the best in doing so.

So get your things over to your daughters house up the street or storage and get out. Hanging around is not going to bring back what is already gone like your files and antiques. They're gone. Write them off. Stop spending more time there complaining about how things are and leave.

I think you are your own worst enemy because your depression is mentally paralyzing you. Once you get out of this situation permanently you'll start to heal and in time you'll look back and wonder how you could have been so foolish to return and stay as long as you did.

I'm not saying this because you're a bad person or making mistakes but because I want you to understand that depression has you held tight and you've got to stand up and force yourself to act. Literally stand up and throw your arms wide and picture the depression being thrown off like a coat. Swing your arms around with the new freedom and get to work. Then you'll get to feeling better and soon enough feel normal again. Go and do it now.

So you are 60 and your SD is 50. Got it.
Stay where you are. They are treating you badly and hurting your feelings but this is what you are used to. So do what you can to stay healthy, work at getting your car roadworthy and do not expect anything from anyone.

Or...

Stop whining and do something about it. Do not drive your van until it is fixed. Do not move 4 doors down from your husband. Accept the loss of your treasured possessions (I know how you feel, my parents were burgled while my mother was in hospital and my late grandmothers jewellery and my mothers communion cross were stolen. And 2 years ago my best friend was also burgled and her late grandmothers jewellery was stolen)and resolve to clean up your life.

What you are missing is your SD sees you as her equal due to your closeness in age. This is what pisses her off.

Last time you left you could not anticipate the nasty revenge they would take on your belongings. This time you are forewarned, you can leave and prevent that happening again, you can prepare and begin collecting your belongings together and taking them to your daughter's and into storage. Don't warn him, don't discuss it, quietly do what you need to do so you can leave with everything you want and never go back. You are not alone, you have family, you have support from the shelter, if you feel so low you don't even know where to start ask them to help. Perhaps your lawyers advice is based on some misplaced emphasis on securing your position financially, but that is the wrong priority for you right now and bad advice in the context of an abusive relationship. And in any case the fact that you have already left the relationship and been forced to go to a women's shelter is clear evidence that you are not abandoning the marital home, you have been forced out by abuse. Please try to take the first step.

I am concerned that some of these replies are too harsh for someone who is clearly suffering from depression. For a person in that state, living with someone who is cruel and abusive on a day to day basis, advice of the 'stop whining' variety can just come across as more of the abuse they are already living with, and be the last slap they can take. Sometimes a 'pull your socks up' dose of fresh air can help, but not when you're so low you can barely pick yourself up off the floor and stop crying. Chickadee all these posters mean well and want better for you, but you need to reach out to the real people in your life who can help. Please do it.

Chickadee - Can you slowly (a few things at a time) take out the belongings you wish to hold on to and move them to your grand daughter's or your storage facility? Is it possible to do it so that no one really notices until you are ready for them to notice?

I can understand how depression makes it difficult to get the ball rolling. And venting helps. It certainly is not easy to just pick up and move.

But making plans may also help to alleviate some of what you are feeling. So perhaps you could just look at your current situation as temporary (to yourself only) and slowly but surely start making plans of what you need to do this time that you didn't the last time you went to the shelter. Get your ducks in a row... take care of yourself... and move when you are ready to move.

The worst part will be taking the abuse until you are finally ready to go. Not letting words hurt and biding your time can and probably will hurt you. But nothing can happen until you are really ready to make the move

chick, you may not find it ideal to leave now, but protect yourself emotionally and start to detach. once you cease to be emotionally invested, you cannot be hurt. people you no longer love or care about do not have the ability to hurt you.

you are hurting because you still still care. it is never too late to leave a bad relationship.