Does anyone else out there consider themselves an "unblendable" family?

Dh and I were both looking foward to seeing our OWN adult children last week for Christmas, but NOT each other's, so the pre-Christmas weeks were stressful. He has 3 sons (ages 21, 30 and 31)and I have 4 daughters(ages, 22, 26, 28, and 29). I kick myself for marrying a single father where there's no BM in the picture, so his sons have nowhere else to go. SS30 (who lives out of state) stayed out our house all week, his 5 year old son also, along with SS21 for 3 nights. Needless to say, MY 4 DDs (ages 22-29)stay at their father's house since he still lives in the marital home and has plenty of bedrooms for everyone. (We don't.) Long story short, dh was fine with my DDs although he disappeared most of the time when they were over and barely talked to them. (My DDs aren't overly fond of my dh nor he of them.) I did the same with his sons. This worked for us although I wish he would have made more of an effort with my DDs who the older 2 live in other states and have since we've been together (5 years), so barely know him. Alot has gone down with all our kids in 5 years which has brought us to this point. His sons stayed in the basement most of the time and hardly talked to my daughters and vice/versa. I confronted SS30 Christmas morning about being anti-social with my kids and he said, "What was I supposed to say?" True. Dh's kids have done horrendous things (drugs), so what WOULD they have to say to my kids who have done all the right things.

I took many pictures with my girls on Christmas Eve and dh refused as he doesn't like them and he knows they don't like him. (He hid out in the basement while the picture taking was going on.) I got angry as LAST Christmas I was forced to be in a "family" picture with his degenerate sons and none of MY children. I was thoroughly depressed and uncomfortable yet HE wouldn't do it for me. We are THE most unblendable family one can imagine. MY DDs are college educated and hold good jobs, HIS sons are drug addicts who have done nothing with their lives, although SS30 seems to have turned his life around in the last year. The oldest is actually mentally ill and dh only let him come over on Christmas Day when my DDs weren't there. SS21 lives in a halfway house and dh says he already sees the writing on the wall that HE, like the oldest, is mentally ill.

My daughters and I have had many problems since their father decided to end our marriage in 2005, but things have gotten better as they have matured. They were raised around their father's family, so are still part of the family which was also "mine" for over 25 years. (I was closer to my ex's family than my own). I was kicked out...not them, so Christmas Day is still difficult for me with no extended family of my own here and not fond of dh's kids. Since I have no family here, I feel like when we divorced, my ex got "custody" and I got "visitation" of our adult children yet I was the one who raised them (I was a SAHM). They also like his wife, but not so much my dh, so Christmas is really hard for me. They all made a real effort this year to give me almost equal time (which will never be since they don't stay at my house)which was something they haven't always done. It made me feel good though talking to my ex-SIL who I am still close to and she said the holidays still aren't the same without ME there. That helped plus knowing that although my ex got rid of me, he will always have a "mini me" in his life. DD28 looks and IS just like me in every way. lol

It's hard to have the other parent right in my own backyard. I told dh (who is unemployed at the present time) that I would actually LIKE to move somewhere else so my DDs would have to split their time evenly and choose which parent to spend Christmas with and actually STAY at our house. Dh though doesn't WANT to move, so this will probably be "my life". I have accepted it, but admit, it will always sadden me.

Again...is there anyone else out there who considers their family "unblendable"?