I have been with my boyfriend for nearly a year and so a few weeks ago the inevitable 'where to do Christmas' conversation came up. We are quite lucky in that his family are and always have been Christmas Eve people, whereas my family are Christmas day people. Initially the plan was for us both to spend Christmas Eve at his parents and his daughter would come up to visit as well. Then I would go down to my family for Christmas day while he spent time with his daughter. He was invited to come to my family but we are pretty easy going and I didn't mind that he wasn't coming down - as the plans were next year he would come down for Christmas day.

Anyway about a week ago his daughter said she could only come for Christmas Eve daytime, as she had other stuff to do in the eveneing and Christmas day etc. My boyfriend has to work Christmas Eve until 5pm ish so wouldn't have got to see her, so it was pretty much agreed that he would now come down to visit my family on Christmas day with me.

Fast forward to Saturday just gone, the daughter decides that she is coming up after all and will be spending Christmas Eve and Christmas day up with the grandparents, and also the BM will be coming up and staying. My boyfriend phones the BM and says that is fine with him and his parents but now he has other plans for Christmas day so will only be able to spend time with his daughter on Christmas Eve as we are leaving early the next morning to get to my family. Apparently the BM was ok with this....

A few minutes later he gets a text from his daughter basically going off on one, how she hasn't spent Christmas with him in 10 years (they have spent every Christmas eve since the relationship breakup, 15 years ago, with the daughter the BM and her new husband spending time at the grandparents with my boyfriend. then the BM, her husband and the daughter would go back home for Christmas day), how she never wants to speak to him again and how she 'hopes I'm worth it'.

I told him that if it hepls keep the peace he doesn't have to come down with me on Christmas day as my family would understand. He thinks about it and about an hour later he says he's decided he is not going to reward that sort of manipulative, entitled behaviour and not only will he still be coming down with me on Christmas day but he is going to phone the BM to tell her that this stunt won't work and tell the duaghter off for being an ungrateful brat (his words).

Before he phones the BM he phones his Mum to let her know the stunt his daughter is playing, but the daughter has already spoken to his Mum and playing the martyr has said they won't be coming up till Christmas day - basically so that she can still collect her presents but not have to deal with her father's wrath. Anyway, Grandmother has taken grandaughter's side - how can boyfriend be so mean, oh woe is grandaughter, she has such a hard life with her parents broken up.

This is the first time boyfriend has ever taken a girlfriend home for Christmas Eve as it has never been serious enough before for him to want it to impinge on family time with his daughter, but we are planning on moving in together so this time he thought it was important for his daughter and family to spend time with the woman he is going to be spending the rest of his life with.

So while I am happy he saw through her manipulations and chose to keep our plans, I am worried that I will be made to look like the bad one in all of this, because although the grandparents know the grandaughter is a manipulative brat they overlook it and let her get away with anything.