Is it wrong to hate your stepchild, because I do and would not care of she fell off the face of the earth.
Is it wrong for this to happen between my SO and my SD who is nearly 11. She follows him around the house barely leaving his side, and heaven forbid he might actually want to talk to someone else, then its "Daddy, Daddy Daddy I did this etc". She does the Daddee Daddee baby voice when she wants to act cute, but then her voice will lower and change like she's posessed, Ive never heard anything like it to be honest. She physically pushed me out of the way and will divebomb onto the sofa in order to get there before me to sit with him. She has been stealing from me, and I mean personal stuff, like my deceased Grandma's ring, and when I challenged her she blamed my Daughter. I have a list as long as my arm of the the things she has taken. He covers for her too, I found my new shirt in the airing cupboard screwed up with what looked like a cut in it. SO said he has snagged it by accident, snagged it on what? a towel or a bedsheet because that's all that's in that cupboard. She is grossly overweight, (I no longer cook for her because I have disengaged completely) and her Dad feeds her basically junk, and sweets, she has no boundaries which is why SO thinks she is such a sweet kid, yes because she's getting everything she wants. I've seen the flip side, when she does not get it and she turns into her nutjob of a Bio Mum. I have searched the mini wife thing and she is definately a mini wife down to a tee. She clings to him and drapes herself all over him like a fur stole, it really is sickening to watch sometimes. I came downstairs the other day and they were under a duvet on the sofa, and he was spooning her, OMG I wanted to be sick, they seem to find it all very amusing. I have tried to warn him that she is getting worse, more possessive and was very tempted the say to him the other day "well don't blame me if the next thing she does is climb into bed with you" and hey presto she did just that this morning. I heard her sneak in there. I am currently sleeping in another bed as our relationship is basically non existent. I spend my time upstairs when she is here as I cannot bear to be around her. I find her and her behavious repellant. It all looks wrong, she is a large child, she has to wear adult clothes in the same size as me so she cannot get away with the little girl act, but he does not see it at all. I used to come home from work on a Saturday and find them on the sofa together watching what they wanted to watch, and then I would be "invited" to join in their film night. Should it not be the other way around, should the child not blend in with what the adults of the house are doing. He has blatantly given her alpha female status in the house, and she loves it. Seriously this pair are surgically attached to each other at the hip, it's just gross in my opinion. My SO is also a very big Mummy's boy, sees his Mum every day and they are on the phone at least 6 times a day, talking about crap, and I believe he is taking his Daughter down the same path in a sick circle of codependence. I would value anyone's opinions please. I want to leave but cannot as he owes me alot of money, and my salary would not come near to getting my own flat etc.
Oh and I forgot to say that
Oh and I forgot to say that when she is here at the weekend they stay up together under the bloody duvet on the sofa until the early hours, probably having completely inappropriate conversations. I nearly lost it at 2am today, they were still down there until I kicked off then they eventually went to bed. The very very late nights have been going on now for several months. He justifies her behaviour because she's "only 10 nearly 11" but yet feels that she is old enough to stay up til the early hours listening to her Dad swearing and talking about politics. God knows what else they find to talk about.
Sorry just to add too, my
Sorry just to add too, my soon to be ex SO made my own Daughter's life here so difficult that she ended up leaving to live with a friend. She committed the crime of being a little bit messy and forgetful, typical teenager so I've been told. Anyway he gave her so much grief that she just left. I look around the house I live in, and all I see is SD's crap strewn all around the house, I've stopped cleaning now too, let him deal with it, but for example, she took off her jumper, screwed it up and left it on the lounge windowsil, it's still there 6 weeks later. If my Daughter had done that he'd have been down on her like a tonne of bricks, the whole thing just seems so one sided and unfair.
Why in the world would you
Why in the world would you allow him to treat your daughter so bad that she felt she had to move out???
He forced your kid out of the house, now you want his kid gone. Why can't the two adult say this isn't working for our kids and just end this?
Maybe it's a sign that he
Maybe it's a sign that he isn't happy with the relationship
Men (and sometimes women,
Men (and sometimes women, too) will often make a relationship so bad that *you* leave them because then *you're* the bitch. I'm sorry for your situation. *hugs*
Oh my, I am practically in
Oh my, I am practically in tears for you and your daughter. I agree with your assessment his mom, and doing the same thing with his daughter. It is emotional incest. My bf is similar with his mom, and passing it to his son (but definitely not to the same degree you are experiencing!) The only thing you should be focusing on right now is your exit strategy. You will be amazed at how it changes your perspective...looking ahead with hope rather than despair. Find a place for you and your daughter, even if you have to share a place with a girl friend. Either kiss the money he owes you goodbye, or talk to someone to see if you can sue him for it. You don't call him your husband, so you aren't married? That would be a plus. I can tell you that your SO's relationship with his daughter is not going to change without years of therapy. You can't just ask him not to do x,y, or z, which I'm betting you tried at some point and gave up. It has nothing to do with you not being good enough or something being wrong with you. It is 100% him. Get out asap. The stress you are under is taking years off your life and he is not worth it.
Oh, I do think that you might
Oh, I do think that you might need therapy for the fact that you let this piece of crap push your daughter out. You need someone that will help build up your self-esteem and help you stand up for yourself. I think that is the only reason you are still there!
Thanks for your comments. I
Thanks for your comments. I shall suggest that he allows the BM'S husband to spoon his little princess too, see how comfortable he feels with that. I get a feeling he won't be so comfortable with that, but family is family and what's good for the goose and all that.
I am at the moment 300 miles
I am at the moment 300 miles away from the insanity and staying with my parents over Christmas. No doubt his Mummy will be occupying my room while I am away as she always does, and basically the three of them will be doing the dance of codependence around the Christmas tree. Luckily I have kept my sense of humour.
And yes Taushalove I do
And yes Taushalove I do believe you are right, I think the dirty little mare will be promiscuous and probably pregnant before the age of 16. Some of the filthy things she has written and hidden away have disgusted me. I showed her Dad he was in denial and threw them away. I did warn him. Stupid fool.
omgosh. I will be living your
omgosh. I will be living your life in two years if I don't get the ef out of dodge.
You seem to have been pushed out of your own home. Really talk with those who love you to get some kind of idea on what to do and weigh out the pros and cons. Him, his nightmare, and his mother don't get to run your life! And they don't give a flying sh*t that you have to leave your own home!! Find your backbone.. I am trying too. lol
Who do these spawns of satan think they are!!!!!! My foot is down now and it ain't budgin' I'll tell ya. and if he don't like it, i'll be outta there faster than his head can spin... so tired!
I think all of us downtrodden
I think all of us downtrodden women should get together, bring our bio kids and form a massive commune where we can all support each other and live our lives in peace. Skids, and overbearing MILs would be banned. OMG that idea sounds,like heaven right now. I am so glad I found this site.
See, shit like this is why
See, shit like this is why when I was dating I would have NEVER considered dating a man with daughters.....
Little did I know that boys can suck just as bad.
Hell, let's face it. Most skids just suck shit no matter what the gender.
}:)
My parents tell me to find
My parents tell me to find someone else. I really cannot be bothered, and the thoughts of someone else with kids makes me want to puke, and this comes from someone who was one of the most maternal women you could find. Him, his venomous princess and needy Mother have knocked the stuffing right out of me. It is comforting to know we are not alone in all this though, hence this forum LOL.
Strange thing is my DD never
Strange thing is my DD never pulled any of f those stunts, it was my SO who was totally shitty to her and she kept forgiving him. She is older 18 nearly 19 but always took his crap. I reckon he was jealous because she lived full time with us and princess did not. What an immature way for a 43 year old man to behave. Mummys boy down to a tee.