Would you be upset?

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Hi everyone,
I'm slightly ticked about some nicey-nice messages that I discovered between DH and BM. Absolutely nothing chicka chicka bow bow; they were all concerning SD5. BUT, it was text after text of ¨tell SD that I miss her!¨ ¨She misses you too!¨ And, ¨I can't wait til (SD name) grows out of this phase, lol!¨
We don't talk to BM for reasons to numerous to list here, so I feel hurt that DH is playing family behind my back with her. Especially since we are ttc.
Am I just being sensitive or would this cutesy talk bother you?

I think it sounds cutesy and

I think it sounds cutesy and unnecessary. If they're such good friends, they should have stayed married.

If she treats you like shit and he's communicating with her behind your back, I'd have a serious problem with that.

Exactly! Agreed...

That's exactly it, like I

That's exactly it, like I explained below. I know DH just wants to be a part of his SD's life, I just wish there were a way to do it without dealing with the bitch.

i would be pissed....the

i would be pissed....the end..... :sick:

I know that's the case for

I know that's the case for DH, but for BM it's just another game to get her way. She plays nice, DH drops his guard, she goes back into bitch mode.

They were never married, nor

They were never married, nor good friends. I won't get to know BM enough for her to treat me like shit. My problem, as usual, is with DH playing her game in order to have a relationship with SD. BM sued for full custody out of the blue a couple years back and won, presumably so she can threaten to take SD and move out of state. I just wish DH wasn't so weak sometimes.

Ha! I've asked the same thing

Ha! I've asked the same thing SD is a little mistake from their highschool days, and I'm sure she is DH's. You're right, the man is a pushover when it comes to avoiding BM's craziness. I guess I'm glad that's the worst I have to deal with. So far.

Thanks NoDoormat - I know no

Thanks NoDoormat - I know no one's history is perfectly sqeaky-clean, but it's still tough to deal with sometimes, especially with skids as a perpetual reminder. I know there is nothing between DH and BM as they are now both married and living an hour apart, and are typically hostile to one another. Still, no one likes to feel that their partner is sharing their life with someone else, either. Thanks for replying.

I would be equal parts pissed

:sick: :sick: :sick: :sick:
I would be equal parts pissed off and nauseated. If you trust him fully, I guess this isn't a huge red flag that he's being shady, just really annoying an unnecessary. If instinctually, you feel there is something more behind the cutesy talk, that's a different story.

Nauseated is more like it. BM

Nauseated is more like it. BM just loves to make everything so damn difficult, DH was probably dumbstruck that she was acting like a human being. Not giving him a pass, but I know how much it sucks to deal with this woman. Definitely nothing 'funny' going on, just a bump in the skidroad.

There may not be anything

There may not be anything funny going on but
"Tell Skiddypoo I miss her."
"Skiddypoo misses you too."
Could easily enough turn into, "Are you sure we did the right thing by separating?"
Why even put yourself in that situation, KWIM?

Ugh. I cannot unsee this. I

Ugh. I cannot unsee this. I really have no fear of it though, as DH and BM really do hate each other. He once said that he wished she died in a car accident. I think his attempt to relate to her on some level came after he realized I would never love skid, that it was something we would never share. I think for his part he just wants someone to understand the love he has for skid, and that's her BM. Still incredibly inappropriate but I'm just trying to see where he was coming from.

"I think his attempt to

"I think his attempt to relate to her on some level came after he realized I would never love skid, that it was something we would never share. I think for his part he just wants someone to understand the love he has for skid, and that's her BM."

That actually makes a lot of sense.

I hear ya, I know it wasn't

I hear ya, I know it wasn't done to hurt me and that DH just cares about SD. But when they have to go through each other, which of course they do since SD is 5, they're not engaging with the kid but with one another. That's what is so icky about it, it's the two of them making fuzzy memories together, not with SD. They already had a crack at that and blew it, so why pretend now?

ALL OF THIS. My DH is also

ALL OF THIS. My DH is also blinded by BM into thinking they are starting some kind of working relationship. Funny, because the only reason that they don't is beacuse of her, and he still falls for it!

My BM is a smart one too, very passive agressive. She invited DH to SD's birthday party this year, saying she knew how much SD would like it, despite the CO specifying they are not allowed within a certain number of feet on eachother's property (CO devised by BM, of course). I woke DH up to her scheme on that one, but guess who's the bad dad for not showing up to SD's party?

We can't win with her, and I'm tired of having to remind DH of it.

I'm in the same boat. DH

I'm in the same boat. DH isn't perfect, but he didn't do anything to warrant this kind of behavior from BM; e.g. the custody agreement. They meet at a halfway point eoe for pickup, and when DH was late due to a traffic accident, BM turned around and drove back to her house instead of waiting. She then texted him, ¨per the custody agreement I only have to wait for 10 minutes after the agreed upon time before leaving the exchange point...¨ And then she will ask if we can keep SD a few extra days so she can have celebrate her anniversary child-free! These BMs...

We have a rule that all

We have a rule that all communication is to be forwarded to me. There was an incident where he bad mouthed me to BM and I found out about it. All communication should be transparent. I raise skids all year long with skids dad since kids were 3and 4 they are now 13and 15. I feel BM has nothing to say but thank me for doing the job she chose not to do.

Oh yeah I would be furious,

Oh yeah I would be furious, but you know what.. I can imagine my DH doing something like that!

We are not supposed to be on good terms with BM due to all the crazy bs she has put us through over the years (trying to break us up, making up lies about us, threatening to kill me, etc) but DH is still nice to her because if not, she will freak out (she has mental problems & is a drug addict) & who knows when/if he will see SD or what she will do.

He does it to try to keep the peace & avoid confrontation but it pisses me off to no end!!!

Having to compromise with

Having to compromise with toxic people is the worst, especially since I don't tolerate this bullshit under any other circumstances. The reminder that BM is here to stay, and with her the crazy, sometimes I just...UGH.

Cozy, your picture is really

Cozy, your picture is really scary, what is that?!

my DH would be in deep sh*t if I found text messages like that between he and BM. That's beyond being cordial, it's *almost* flirty for a man to be so sweet to a woman. No way. Not gonna happen. There's no need to text.

I put a stop to texting between DH and BM, though he was glad to oblige. he told her he would not accept text messages from her! easy as that! Email for communication, and calls in an emergency is plenty. Text messaging is informal, hard to track, and not appropriate. People say things in text that they might not say on the phone, they can send it impulsively too. Plus, it's intrusive to our lives. IF we're in the middle of something and she calls, well he can avoid the call without having to know what she wanted or whatever. He can heck emails at a certain time, like not during our date or dinner. But, if most of us get a text, we look at the phone and has to see what it says... immediately. Personally, DH and I don't want to give BM that power in our lives. She can't just say something and be heard/ responded to immediately. B*otch can wait until DH wants and is available to speak to her. BM doesn't get that sort of space in our lives.

I'd really like my SO and BM

I'd really like my SO and BM to communicate via email, I've tried it before and she point bank refused and now texts MY boyfriend. Any ideas on how I could approach the subject with him without causing an argument?

Snowdrop, the picture is

Snowdrop, the picture is actually just a hallway that looks like a skull when viewed from a distance. I enjoy visual puns

That's a great idea, and also good insight on text messaging and why it is so inappropriate. You touched on some things that I hadn't considered. In a way I think he prefers texting so that he doesn't have to hear her voice, and the e-mail idea solves that issue. Thanks!

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