Normal for teen to be jealous of younger brother?
I have a SS13 that has been living with my family since February. I'm wondering if it was a mistake to allow him to live with us. My DH is 100% on board with making decisions together. But I'm still afraid to bring up whether or not it was a good idea to bring SS here in the first place. He has obvious issues, but counseling did not do any good. He wouldn't talk much to the counselor. My BS6 has issues that we are currently trying to diagnose, so I cannot handle another child who is so jealous of my 6yo boy. My husband went to court bc BM did not want SS to live with us. Now I'm wondering if it was a mistake. I'm at a loss because SS was not in the best situation back home with BM. How do I handle a 13yo that acts like a bratty child? I would like to go to grad school in the fall, but in order to do so, this has to be under control.
Yes it is normal. Before
Yes it is normal.
Before you go to your DH about this I think you need to ask your self a question. What if DH came to you and said that BS6 has issues so he needs to go live somewhere else because DH only wants to parent SS.
at 13 and 6 both are in
at 13 and 6 both are in school right? So it's just after school and weekends? Does he see BM at all? You could spend one on one time with each of them (DH and you take one each then swap) to separate them a little bit and build up your bonds. Might help him relax. My SD is about to turn 6 and her sister (BMs) is 13... there is a bit of jealousy there, ok a lot, based on different things including that SDs dad is involved and her sister's isn't. 13 year olds are absolutely capable of jealousy and 6 year olds have a lot they'd be jealous about.
Yes I agree about the
Yes I agree about the jealousy and also managing it with separate time. I have SD18 and son of 5 and at the start when she was 14, she was jealous. In her case she was behind in her maturation so it probably made it worse. The separate time is a big part of the way to manage it. Your husband taking SS for assigned times to do something. Every child is different but we found with SD that when she has certainty of time with her dad then she settles down. My DH has been a bit slack on that lately and SD is playing up again. Like clockwork.
Hope these ideas help.
Thank you for your support.
Thank you for your support. It has been an extremely rocky start with all the issues going on. I am having a very hard time bonding with SS because we have nothing in common. Nothing. And as for spending time together alone, it still makes me uneasy. I still haven't put my finger on it, but I do not like it. I know he would like to replace his mother, but I cannot. Mentally and emotionally, I cannot do this. I have a hard time expressing emotion as it is. As a response to my husband wanting only parent SS, I would be totally fine with it. The dynamic of our relationship is not typical. So him telling our son to live somewhere else would not work. Lol, he would have to leave then! We live with my family.
Do not beat yourself up with
Do not beat yourself up with respect to having a funny feeling about your SS. Your gut is often right on these matters.
Now that I think about it
Now that I think about it further, there are reasons why I feel uncomfortable. He used manipulative tactics to get his siblings in trouble or get his way. I believe we have put a stop to it (for the most part), but I'm still working through lingering feelings of being uncomfortable.
If you don't feel comfortable
If you don't feel comfortable spending time with you SS alone, then you shouldn't. You have to remember, his unwillingness to speak with a counselor probably has a lot to do with his situation at BM's. When you bottle up things so much, and for so long, it becomes a habit. It takes time to feel comfortable in a new situation and to feel like you can open up. Moving a new child into the equation full time is an adjustment for all involved. You get into a routine that is suddenly disrupted and changed. Like all new situations, it just takes time. Maybe you can find something that your SS likes that you could tolerate and build from there. Maybe you can find time as a family, but you specifically interact with your SS, while your husband interacts with your BS, and vice versa. This way you aren't alone with SS, but he also sees that he is getting attention also.
These are great ideas. I will
These are great ideas. I will definitely try some about spending time with SS. Thank you again.
What kind of boundaries did
What kind of boundaries did you have to set?