See this is what our DH's and their children don't get...if they were to treat us nicer and try harder to include us, we might be more inclined to say yes to some of these things.

But our H's fail to support us and their kids are nasty, so we disengage, then our H's miss out on doing things they would have liked to do with everyone, and their kids miss out too because the event doesn't happen

My H's eldest daughter will invite "us" to things all the time these days where SGS is concerned. Except she will tell it to DH not I or DH & I. I can be sitting right beside DH when his daughter will say "Dad, blah blah blah is happening, it's on the whatever date in case you guys want to come etc... etc..."

She doesn't address me at all, completely ignores me, knowingly excludes me even from the discussion about it.

Well, DH forgets about it almost as soon as someone says something else (unless it's a milestone, big event, etc..)

Now, if his daughter had been nice to me these years and made a point of letting me know about these things, talking to me, making me feel welcome believe me we'd be going to these things. I'd keep track, remind DH, and so on

But since she doesn't I say nothing, do nothing, never bring it up. We don't go

I think what stupid behavior from her really. If she wasn't so bent on trying to get to me she would have her dad at a lot more events as his wife would make sure of it. But since she gets her satisfaction at trying to belittle me, I guess I get mine in how she is really just hurting herself :jawdrop: and sadly her son

Too bad for your SD that she doesn't get it. She will miss out on her happy little trip with dad because she hasn't realized yet that she needs to play nice with his wife :?

I can tell you on my end of bring a SD myself. I always wanted my father to engage with me ~ I wanted him to acknowledge me n me alone. My mother passed away n Dad remarried ~ as I grew older I realized. My mother meshed our family together. My mother remember dates n gifts n such. My father was way out of his element ~ didn't know how to be both mom ( remembering everything ) n my fun loving Daddio.
His new wife stepped up into that position n yes it was awkward cause it was new ~ I decided it wasn't new ~ it was just different.

Is it that these DH are so out of there element that they don't know how to function ??? I know my situation was different cause Mom passed ~ n Dad was trying to be someone he didn't know how to be. My father was one of the hardest working men I will have met. The hours he worked to give us ~ what he wanted us to have. The 3 part time jobs along with his police officer job. My mother made him completely different to me in my eyes ~ my mom was fun loving ~ a caring loving woman. N dad was my hero ; my audience for my humor. I was his baby.

I think they don't know how to be who they need to be. They do love us n feel lost without us. But seriously don't know how to function.

Just a thought from being a step daughter ~ but my position as SM is completely different.

Sounds like SD expects her father to act n do certain things as females do. He doesn't know how to do what she wants him to do.

You and you DH have a love language ~ he instantly knows by even a look what that means. He knows how you like your coffee , how maybe you like a glass of wine by the fireplace. That you like to watch Scandal in Wednesday night n maybe like to put your cold ass feet on the back of his knees to keep warm at night. All your little quirks ~ he can read you.

They don't know how to speak daughter language. And we as daughter think it is easy ~ just be thought , n caring n supportive. Come to numbnuts basketball game next Tuesday at 8.

I don't know if I explained this how I want this to sound.

I am so impressed with the "NO" concept and even more impressed with using it. When I try to opt out of anything, then the whole thing falls apart and I am to blame so I go along because he wants me to and it is uncomfortable and quite frankly boring.

This site is helpful so I think next time I feel like i am being trapped, I will put the scenario up here and take guidance. My DH has also done a great job of hiding when he really does not want to turn up the way SD18 wants him to. I find it really frustrating and think in the end it is damaging for SD18.

Interesting to read a SD's perspective.

I cannot help thinking that more open straight forward communication would go a long way towards improving our situation. The term "Arrested Development" keeps playing in my head. I think SD18 still thinks of herself as mini-wife because DH has not taken the care or time to help her transition. Leaves the SM stuck in the middle.

I wonder if every time a skid would reminisce about the past "on purpose", we should just say "OMG yeah, I remember it well!" If they say "You were not there", say: "You describe it so well, it feels like I WAS there too"

Exercising your NO muscles!!! Yay!

Good for you! But you know that in the end, this will be your fault no matter if he goes or stays. Maybe you can enjoy some me time, when he changes his mind to go cause you and me both know that dear ole daughter will get her way in the end. Good luck.