Hello everyone. I am going well outside my comfort zone by posting here, as I have finally reached a point where I just feel that the glimmer of hope is fading quickly, and I just need the ability vent, gain perspective, and maybe validation (if I deserve it :? ). I have committed to myself that I will create a series of posts so I can get the things that eat me up inside out. I think it will be best for those following my ramblings to provide a little background/context and I still don't know where I'll begin with the issues I face, so I'll start with my family makeup.

I call us the vitamix family because we are very blended, although maybe one of the blades are broken, because nothing about our family is smooth. My DW and I have been married for a little over 9 years, she brought 4 kids into our family, and 3 years later we had 1 of our own. The first 2 are now SD16x2 twin girls (fraternal) from her 1st marriage (BD1), SS13 from a another man (BD2), SD10 from her 2nd marriage (BD3) (which ended in his incarceration), and BD6 with me . Her 1st marriage ended while the SD16x2 where still infants, but BD1 is a decent enough guy who has since remarried. BD2 is a diagnosed bipolar and has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) that we've been told is hereditary... leading to issues surrounding SS13. BD3 is disgustingly enough the perpetrator of carnal abuses on the now SD16x2, they were 6 at the time, his parental rights have been terminated, and I have all but legally adopted SD10. This wonderful menagerie is why I describe our blended family as vitamix.