They do not have to be tied together for life just because they made a baby together. Someday that kid will be old enough to learn how to compartmentalize her relationships... as we all do. I have very close relationships with people who will never know each other. Social circles don't have to overlap. Ridiculous.

It is up to him to start ignoring this woman and set some firm boundaries for your sake.

My dh despises bm so thankfully their interactions are nill to none. I am the one who controls the phone to which all of bm's calls/texts go to and you KNOW I sure as hell am not entertaining anything from that wench unless it is SOLELY skid related.

DH told me that one time when he went to watch his son's karate class (way before we got together) BM tried to sit near him and DH just got right up and walked away and sat elsewhere, she got all pissy and was like why can't you sit with me blah blah blah and he pretty much said we aren't a family I am here to watch him and thats it! I am so thankful to have a DH with a backbone who won't and doesn't put up with skid or bm bullshit.

Your fiance might have a pushy, nosey, bm but HE is the one that needs to put her in check. He needs to stand his ground and be consistent with her, much like you would with a child, as long as he is then eventually she will get the picture.

I agree with this way to approach it...

"Phone calls and texts about the child ONLY, he doesn't respond to questions about his money, his life, his relationships. If they're on the phone and she asks those types of questions, he needs to repeat over and over again: I will ONLY speak to you about matters pertaining to "Sarah". Is there anything else? If you insist on talking about anything OTHER than "Sarah", I will hang up."

The only thing I would suggest is to keep ALL communications with the bm either in text or email format only. But if phone communication is absolutely necessary then he NEEDS to handle it as such.

I don't know whether there is a lot you aren't mentioning but on the basis of this post all I can say is that BM doesn't sound that controlling and I can't see how she's 'not letting go'? One phone call from SD herself to ask about the uniform for an activity she wants to start doing again is not exactly an oppressive level of intrusion. Had BM sent a barrage of texts or called repeatedly, or made some unreasonable demand about having the uniform delivered instantly to her door then I could see a problem, but that's not what seems to be happening here? You say yourself that BM has a partner and a new baby, she doesn't sound like she's hanging around causing problems all the time. I think it's unreasonable to insist that neither BM nor SD make ANY contact with your fiancé on his non-visitation weekend.

As for the money enquiries - realistically when a couple divorce and there is a continuing financial arrangement for the children there is an ongoing interest in each others finances until the children reach adulthood. The custodial parent always wonders if their ex's child support assessment is up to date, and signs of new affluence in the other home will often provoke concern about whether they are entitled to more CS. Meanwhile the non custodial parent who is paying CS wonders if it is being used responsibly and if the custodial parents circumstances may have changed. This is all just human nature, so I would see the odd enquiry from BM in that light - a bit annoying and nosy but par for the course.

You say:
"should I be policing the stupidness that happens so that she knows I am the boss?"
Well no. Because you're not the boss of your fiance, are you? You're not in charge of SD or her Dad's relationship with her and if you try to be you will set yourself up for a whole lot of problems. You have every right to expect that your fiancé be considerate and supportive in managing his relationship with SD and arrangements with BM, and that your opinion is respected, but it is overstepping to assuming some kind of management role in which you 'police' your fiancé's interaction and attempt to have the final say on what he is and is not allowed to do.

Overall, given the lack of evidence of BM's controlling and intrusive behaviour, I did get a sense of some insecurity on your part - that anything she does looms very large in your mind and sets you up in defensive mode. You don't comment on how your fiancé handles things with BM, but I can't see anything 'sick and twisted'. It seems like you are jealous of BM's having ANY presence in your fiancés life, but unless you can come to terms with it and pick your battles it will cause a lot of stress and upset for you and for your partner, because realistically, with a 7 year old SD, BM is going to be a presence for a long time.

This is your BF's issue more than BM's.

A lot of BMs want to control the lives of their baby daddy(ies). The only way this works is if the guy LETS them.

After a very short time of me being around, my DH went to court to have HIS parenting time spelled out in a CO. Because of BM's actions and harassment, he also asked for a No Contact order. Except for a few times of her breaking that order, they pretty much went to nothing for communication besides written.

Both skids are over 18 now and it has been over a year since BM reared up her ugly head and that was even by text only. It has to be over 4 years since BM called up and screamed at DH.

YOUR BF ONLY ALLOWS HER TO RUN THE SHOW BECAUSE SHE MAKES HIS LIFE MORE HELLISH THAN YOU DO! }:)

adding to echo's thought: in this post you ask if you should be policing this stupidness to his ex knows "tour boss"

the boss of who? your fiance?

take it from the older members echo is right.

i currently have freshman in highschool and my ex is still tied to me.

not daily but we share children.

she questions your fiance abiut money? ask yourself WHY?

because he answers. how tied his ex is to him is within HIS control. NOT YOURS.
if your looking for her to have less involvement then you need to look at HIM.

I agree with BSgoinon. In case of the bm not letting go, I know tons about that. Until my DH started repeating the phrase, "I am not interested in conversations that aren't about ..." and then walking away, it was like nuclear warfare every time they talked. Yet, she would never leave him alone. Because I too, had trust issues, he shared all these chats, text messages, conversations with me so that I never had to find out after the fact or another way. And we let a lot of things go to voice mail, then decided which call backs needed to be made. She once had a fit because he wouldn't take groceries (that he had bought for his son) up to her apartment for her. She started to fight and call him names, he told her that he wasn't responsible for "helping her out". That his responsibility was to his son.

There are support groups and community counseling groups that might be able to help. I understand that she is not your bd, but it might help you move beyond the resentment if you take another mantra to stand by. That mantra may be keeping you stuck in the way you are feeling, and it sounds like you don't like the way you are feeling.

Just a thought.

Good luck