Does it get any better?
I have a SD (5) and she is super cute. That being said, she thinks she can get away with anything. My boyfriend (her father) and I have been talking about getting serious and getting engaged/married. I'm terrified! He's a perfect, sweet, amazing guy but his little monster kills me. I'm a worrier and I keep thinking about the future. What about when we have kids? Is he gonna drag our kids all the way down to his daughter's like we currently do for christmas (We live in OH and she lives in AL). I don't see her that often and I feel awful that I dread it. I used to love christmas but because I have to spend it with a needy, badly behaved child and her controlling grandmother. Gah! It's so frustrating. I get upset that my bf is so hypocritical too. He gets pissed if I talk to anyone I even kissed but he talks to his ex-wife all the time (and not always about SD!) Please, somebody tell me it gets better or something. I love him but I don't love his little monster (and I don't think I should have to)
These are exactly the kind of
These are exactly the kind of things that you and BF should be discussing prior to becoming engaged and married. BF has this little girl in his life and she isn't going away.
No, you don't have to 'love' her, but your BF does love her and he isn't going to stop just because you and he have kids someday. So I take it the Alabama trip every Christmas is to BF's hometown and where his mother lives? If so, it's not unreasonable to think he will be going down there occasionally. Discuss it now. How often would be agreeable to you? How would the years BF doesn't go work so that BF has some visitation time with his daughter?
Why are you just concerned over Christmas in your posting anyway? Doesn't BF have regular scheduled visitation periods with his daughter now at times other than his annual trip to Alabama? If not, why not?
Whatever is intolerable to you now, will likely become worse as the child grows older. Cute and five is very different than cute and 13. This girl will be sibling to your future children. You need to discuss your feelings about the girl and the other areas that concern you with your BF now. Why continue to get serious if you don't think that BF already having a child might be a deal breaker for you. What you can't do is 'pretend' and then smack him with the reality after digger deeper into the relationship. That wouldn't be fair to any of you and by that time there is perhaps additional children involved.
Visitation is difficult for
Visitation is difficult for several reasons. First, the distance. We don't have very much money so the trip isn't something we can afford frequently. Secondly, the BM makes things difficult. She is super controlling of SD and only lets BF have her when its convenient for her. BM doesn't even let BF mom take the child without a lot of pain and arguing. BM takes joy in making things as difficult as possible. I understand that she isn't going to go away. I also understand that he an I need to talk this out and I try. Every time I try he gets upset because I don't love her. I don't really like kids and his daughter is a monster. At 5 she is already rolling her eyes at me and back sassing.
Wait a minute. You don't
Wait a minute. You don't really like kids yet you're planning to have one of your own?? :?
I know people who have
I know people who have trouble tolerating other peoples kids, but love their own dearly, it's weird, but possible.
Your original post is all
Your original post is all over the place, you start off by saying SD is super cute and BF is a perfect sweet amazing guy... then you proceed to rip into their characters :? Your emotions are all over the place, take a deep breath and really search within yourself, are these really people you can see yourself living with for the next many years??? Fixing your situation will have more to do with changing YOURSELF, your expectations, your tolerance etc, because, that's all YOU CAN change.
Step situations ARE HARD, they do not magically get better, that relies on too many different people to work together at fixing problems... in MOST step situations, that is EXTREMELY RARE! What ends up working best for the SM, is disengagement! Disengage from SD, disengage from BM.
If you and your SO can't
If you and your SO can't discuss these things openly, honestly, and calmly then you are not ready to get married. Easy peasy.