Puzzled Seeing as I feel like I am the end of my tether I thought writing everything down may help. I have read a few stories on here and would like to say thank you. Reading all the advice on other peoples situations has helped me a lot.

I am a step mother to a thirteen year old boy and a fourteen year old girl and have been for five years. I have a twelve year old daughter that lives with myself and husband, while my step children live with their mum two hours away.

We have had our ups and downs over the years but all in all have been a very happily merged family. I met my husbands kids at 8 and 9, we got on brilliantly as did they with my daughter.. one big happy family.

My step son had a few behavioural issues, stealing lying and him and his sister were very physically aggressive towards each other, we over came all this. My husbands and my relationship is very strong and we discuss everything. we don't (or didn't) treat any of our children any different. Everything is equal when his children are here, they stay here in our home, every second weekend and most of the school holidays. we got on so well together that the kids even asked to still come here on weekends that their dad was away due to family issues abroad. Then their mother started taking advantage of this, and even my husband in many ways, the children were left in my care all the time, this was also fine although did leave me feeling rather taken for granted, as my husband has been working really hard lately and not had many weekends off. Since my step son has got older his behaviour has become very bad, to the point my family, have pointed it out. He is extremely rude to others, isn't good at social interaction, cant sit still and is always moaning, nothing is ever his fault, he doesn't help around house, dumps everything at his back side and basically treats and speaks to everyone like rubbish, has absolutely no manners. More so when his dads not about. I've always been ok about looking after them as if I didn't my husband wouldn't get time with his children and that would break his heart. so I put up and shut up. Its got to the point he makes me feel like an intruder in my own home, so I basically let him walk all over me when his dads working. One day I sat through in kitchen from the moment my husband left till the moment he got back as he had completely taken over the living room and I knew if I went through I would get angry at the mess and his lack of consideration towards the others in the house by taking over the TV. My husband and I spoke about it when he got home and he advised me I needed to start putting my foot down. My house my rules, this I started to do, all I got in return from SS was rudeness and aggression, he is much taller than me and quite big built now so it can be quite intimidating. his behaviour is so appalling, its embarrassing to take him out anywhere now, so I have stopped as I don't see the point in wasting lots of money treating him when I get it thrown back in my face. He's fine if its stuff for him but if its something the girls like he ruins it. I must admit reluctantly that I don't like him anymore Sad. He was such a sweet kind caring cuddly boy.

I make excuses for him all the time as I know his life with his mum isn't easy. She has a very close relationship with my SD and she seems to get everything she wants where as my SS is basically ignored and sits on his Xbox all day. He notices that SD gets alone time with Bio mum and so he expects that with his dad, we did try that, I felt it was important he got that time with his dad so encouraged fishing films etc. SD came to me one day after a big argument with her dad and said she felt that SS took over her dad, I sat back and observed the situation and she was right, every time she tried talking to her dad about school SS would but in "dad dad dad" over something trivial so SD just shut up and my husband gave SS the attention he was craving. SS would start arguments with SD in the car, husband would tell them both to stop she would SS would carry on till SD exploded and it was her that ended up getting it in the neck. I finally discussed it all with OH and we decided that just because of the way BM treats her children his relationship with both of them has to be equal. SS doesn't like this at all.

Anyway its all come to a head this weekend. My husband was working on Sunday and I had a very important meeting on sun afternoon. I asked OH to see if BM could pick her kids up earlier on the sun so I could attend my meeting, this request was refused as SHE had plans. obviously this infuriated me, why should I give up a very important meeting to look after her children. However as usual I did it and consequently lost out on the opportunity's that meeting would of given me ( meeting was in my home, couldn't risk SS behaviour so cancelled). Did I get any thanks NO. My SS got bored and with boredom comes attitude and aggression. He asked me if he could have his birthday money from relatives here to take home with him ( kids money from here is kept here and money from home is kept at home) rules his parents decided before I was on the scene, it saves arguments apparently, in response I said he would have to talk to his dad about that and got a dose of attitude from him, yes I could of ignored it and in hindsight I should of but I wanted to explain to him that they weren't my rules and quite frankly had nothing to do with me so he cant talk to me like that. I was strong and firm and made my point not nastily but colder than I would normally speak to him. Quite frankly I felt used and abused by BM OH and now SS. Anyway it didn't work I just got a torrent of hate and attitude to the point I walked away. He then went to the park (no apology) with my daughter and pretty much as soon as he got back his mum turned up and beeped outside. She doesn't even have the decency to come to door and say thank you.

As I breathed a sigh of relief my husband arrived home and I told him about days events. crying also I may add because I am at the end of my tether. I said I was no longer looking after them myself, he agreed as didn't want me put through all this anymore. he was disgusted by his sons behaviour. In the past, when we have had days like that I get SS to sit at table with us and tell his dad about goings on and then I give my version so he feels that hes involved and doesn't feel like I'm bad mouthing him behind his back, this time we couldn't do that. Yesterday BM called OH and they discussed the situation, her saying that she had spoken to SS and he said that I speak differently with him when his dads not about Puzzled the only way I'm different is when OH is home all aggression bad behaviour is aimed at him, when he's not here its aimed at me, am I supposed to just take it??? allow my daughter to see him get away with treating me like that??? I had in the past until I was told by OH to stop letting him walk all over me. She also said during call that SS missed his dad and he wanted more one on one time again, getting spoilt i.e. fishing etc. etc. his behaviour was so much better when he got that Shocked no it wasn't he used it against his sister and spoilt things that we did if it wasn't all focused on him.

I have done so much for him in the past five years, treated him like hes my own and that was a kick in the face, that really really hurt. I feel I must point out his mum is having a baby with another guy that she doesn't live with and since splitting up with my OH and moving kids two hours away from friends and family she has had two other relationships. One whom they moved in with when OH and her split up. The children have been through a lot and in a few months when babies born they will go through a lot more. I just don't know how to handle all this anymore. I have tried my best.