Half time SS12 becoming full time!!!!!???? Help!
Since I've been married we have had about half time, maybe less. This week when my SS12 came over he announced that his mom and her boyfriend wanted him to talk to us about living over at my house full time!
How do I handle this? I'm 27 and I'm selfish, he is a handful and my husband is always very busy...I think I will be spending most of the time with him and driving him around anyways how do I handle talking to this with my husband? It's his son and I don't think he understands necessarily how I feel about this...we have talked about me wanting my own kid but he doesn't think it's important and that having a kid isn't some magical thing like people say and that his life is the same...and the same concerns about having SS12 live with us full time (less us time, and just free time) are the same concerns he has with having a kid with me.
He has a vasectomy and is 35, he doesn't want to have a kid with me, and I think this makes me more upset now that his son may be living with us full time...to be quite frank I don't feel like its fair I have to be mom to his kids and take care of them while he is at work and they are over wanting to be entertained etc but yet he doesn't want to have a kid with me....
I'm not 100% sure I want my own kid because honestly the SKIDS drive me nuts a lot, but lately I have felt the way I look at babies, kids has changed, and I don't want to look back at my life an regret that decision...and if we have to have a full time kid, why not have a baby!
I'm bummed, and upset, anyone have any insight or advice....
He's 12 years old. He does
He's 12 years old. He does not need a nursemaid like a 5 year old. He doesn't even need a babysitter except for overnight events.
FACT: You do not have to be "mom" to this kid - even if he is living with you. You need to be pleasant and kind. That's all.
How nice that your DH thinks that having his kid living with him won't affect him very much. He's planning on dumping everything on your. Your relationship might not survive this because you will grow so resentful.
You need to have a heart to heart with your DH NOW about what will be happening with the child there. He truly needs to understand that he and BM are the parents. You are his partner but that in no way means that you have to do every task that he doesn't want to do.
This kid is about to go thru the teen years which are almost always trying no matter what the marital situation.
In an ideal situation your DH will handle most of his kids stuff, support you unconditionally, be available for "dates" with you, and SS will help around the house. Nothing is ever perfect so there are going to be blips but the part about supporting your needs unconditionally is not negotiable.
Also - BM must provide CS. I don't care how much money your DH has and how little she has. Even if it is just a token amount it is necessary. You need visitation locked down. Also what happens when as a teen he gets mad and wants to go back to his mother? Teens are notorious about wanting to switch back and forth depending on which parent they are mad at.
Ladyface, he changed his mind
Ladyface, he changed his mind while we were dating about being open to having another kid with me...at that point I was 22 and in love and thought it would be ok, but now that we are married it has definitely come up a lot, ALOT! And you and oldone are right! Resentment can arise, my husbands great, but doesn't relate to the feeling I have of wanting my own. And, oldone, I have two skids, the SS12 and SD10, it would just be the SS12 that would come live with us....
he is a handful and my
he is a handful and my husband is always very busy...I think I will be spending most of the time with him and driving him around
If your husband is too busy to have his kid full time, I would have to say, "No, that's not going to work."
He is going to have to arrange his schedule so he can be the one driving his son around and spending time with him.
It's his kid.