I have one SGS16. Do I 'love' him? Sure I do, but not in the same way I feel connected to GS12. I also have a GS11. GS11 is almost on the same level as SGS16. I 'love' GS11 too, but the bond and close connection is not the same as with GS12.

It's not that I favor GS12. It's not an intentional thing. I just see GS12 all the time and I had him daily from 4wks old until he was age 4 (I was his daycare while his parents worked). GS11 has a a$$ for a father (my SIL) and I'm not allowed to see him often. SIL thinks I'm being 'punished' , I see it as a loss to GS11.

SGS16 lives halfway across the country from me now (instead of the couple hours he use to), so I don't have a chance to see this one like I use to. Even when I did see SGS16 more, I didn't have the bond with him as I do GS12. Sure, I'm overly generous with all the grandkids (step and bio) and I'm sure if you asked their parents, I spoil them a bit.

So based on my own experiences as grandma, I guess I don't see why your DH expects you to go gah-gah all over Gskids. Especially if you have no real connection/feeling for their mother. I assume you're not 'mean' to them or totally ignore them. But why should you burst with excitement just because Dh thinks the little darlings are the best thing since sliced bread?

What is DH expecting of you that he do not think you're doing? I assume if he gets some news of them and he shares it, you politely say something along the lines of 'oh, that's nice' instead of 'who gives a sh*t'. But if he's doing something like expecting you to babysit for two weeks while their BM goes on vacation and smile and sing joy about it...well, no way.

I have absolutely no interest in SD22's two children. No interest in being call Grandma, either.

3 SGs - I've only seem them on FB. Pathetic losers like their late father (the criminal gang member). Well maybe the younger 2 might be salvageable but the teen - following in his father's footsteps.

DH has GK4 who lives out of state. She's pretty much just a random kid to me.

I guess I made my efforts, despite the awkwardness, to be grandma years ago after ss had called me grandma once. When those efforts were returned with downright hostility and rudeness by SDIL (w/MIL leading the way) I lost what little ambition I had. Now I simply am focused on my little family. I don't feel close to them because I never was able to spend time with them even when I was with them (men played with the boys (step grands)). I have no hostility for them and pray for them.

Unfortunately I think you are as close to most kids as you are to their moms (unless it's a very close relative). I have a young son the same age as grands, but the mothers of step grands have shown no interest in him. Despite this I'm sure I'm the one who's considered to have all the responsibility because of the dubious title of grandma (which for yrs I was told I was not). That's why I don't like the stepmom thing, all the responsibility, none of the privilege. No thanks!

I have one step grandson. The first year of his life I wasn't allowed to even be around him. I wasn't allowed at the baby shower SD24 had -- invitations were sent to everyone else in our household (individually) except for me and my daughter. So My DH got an individual one, and her two brothers and sister all got individual invites -- but not for me. I was LIVID. Then when time came for the birth, she wanted her dad there, but I wasn't welcome. He asked if he could bring his family -- she says "you mean SM?" He said yes, and my daughter also. She says "I'm not ready for that yet."

So the first year of this step grandchild's life I was completely excluded. My DH would go over to her house and not tell me, was sneaking around. And then I would find out about it-- it pissed me off because I felt like he was acting like she was the other woman. It was ridiculous. I told him I didn't like that he was sneaking around. He felt like he had to.

She told him that he was "out of her life" -- when he told her he wasn't going to go to the babyshower because I wasn't invited -- so she then told him he was blocked out of her life.

So fast forward a year after child's birth and she and her boyfriend break up. I told my DH that no way in hell was she welcome in our home after everything she had done to me over the last 6 years -- to live that is. So she finally decides now that boyfriend's family is not talking to her, now all of a sudden I'm ok to babysit he baby. I had hoped that she would warm up and maybe start treating me better, so I did start babysitting the baby. It was great to be able to see him, but to be honest, I feel guarded because I know at any minute she could change her mind and cut me out of his life.

So apart of me doesn't want to get attached to him -- so that I don't get hurt all over again. I've actually managed quite well to stay detached, but also loving on him while he is here. He's a neat little kid - I just don't like his mom! She's nuts!

I did stop agreeing to babysit because she was using me and if I said no, she got pissed. It was ridiculous. So now she doesn't call me, she'll call her dad. So my DH babysits the child, and I play with him while he's here. I do tell Dh that if he offers to watch grandchild -- then he's watching him. None of this falling asleep and then I have to watch him -- none of this no changing diapers thing. It's actually been a good thing. We see him maybe once a week now. And I don't feel taken advantage of.

I have 4 sgskids. I never met the last two. I was very close to the two oldest. They called me g'ma. Then their personality disordered mother decided to punish her father and myself by with holding them from us for 3 1/2 years. Broke my heart beyond belief. Now, she is trying to re insert them into our lives. I too have my heart guarded now because I don't ever want to hurt like that again.

20yearsasastepmom. I feel the same way. I really was all for being the sgma and when my husband and I first got together. I invited them over to make cookies visits and so forth. Then it turned into parents just calling and wanting to dump the kids on us. Many times this has happened the kids are off the wall one is 6-and the other is almost 9 they jump on the furniture,dont listen,and basically do whatever they want. Even when their parents are there they dont watch them. After 5 times of telling them not to stand or jump on the couch I told them to get off my furniture. DH did stick with my decision. But come on the parents should of said something to them. They also send texts to my husband stating kids want to come over and spend the night. Last time was the day before easter. I was on high alert. What kids in their right mind would want to come over the night before the easter bunny comes. So when the kids got here I asked them if they had wanted to come over they looked confused they had no idea until their mom told them they were coming. Of course my SD knows if she pulls on DH heart strings he will say yes. These are just a few examples..

I am a step child and my daughter is a step child. As a step child my SM was never interested in me even though i thirsted and hungered for a woman to mother me. When my daughter came around I accepted my SM as my daughter's gmother because my own mother was deceased. My SM lost interest as soon as my DD was no longer a baby. She has a thing for babys. She's not interested in any of the SGkids other than to send (with my father's money that he makes- they do a his/her money deal) gift for holidays. My DD really has no connection but just performs like a robot towards SGma. I feel badly but she has her own bio kids and bio g'kids. My in laws feel that my daughter is not a g'daughter, they always tried to conquer and divide. my MIL wanted to be THE WOMAN in my husbands life. The family split up and my husband and I are together by a shoe string. At least my SM did not come out and say "she's not considered a grandchild because she's not blood". My in laws did, they did worse. They would spoil SD in front of DD and smile. I removed myself and my DD from their lives. I think you HAVE to at least give equally and fake it if you have to, its OK to feel differently but these poor kids are paying for the sins of divorced parents. Just my humble opinion.

My DH has a SD25 from his first marriage. I dont have a relationship with her. If she is his SD that means she's even more removed from me right? She had a kid last yr and at 40 my DH took on the role of grandpa. Being only 35 I have absolutely no interest in being called grandma - its a weird situation for me. Up until recently DH and I were contemplating having a baby of our own...how can i be happy about the whole grandma thing?! weird! Since I dont have a relationship with his SD25 I tried with the baby for a bit due to DH's pressuring me but after continuusly being ignored and disrespected by her mother i gave up. I really dont have anything to do with her child. I have other babies in my life, my own child and a neice and nephews whom I adore and shower with love and attention instead. when my own child has kids that is when i will be called grandma and take an interest