Pls comment, I will print out responses and give to DH.

The issue is my SS19. (he will be 20 in Sept) He has been living with his psycho BM for 3 years. DH had sole custody of him until about 16. Up until 16 he lived with us. While living with us, he hated my existence. He flat out told his dad many times he wished I wasn’t in his life, he couldn’t give me common courtesy you give a stranger, would ignore me when I’d walk in the room and say a general, “hello” to everyone.

I bent over backwards to try and get this young man to like me, I walked on egg shells around him and I treated him better than I treated my own boys! Nothing I did was good enough… he treated me like shit on the bottom of his shoe. I know a lot had to do with his insecure BM. When he was 2 or 3, she abandoned him for a life of drugs and partying, but started coming back into the picture when I got involved with his dad when SS was around 13. I think she couldn’t take the fact that a decent woman was going to be involved in her ex’s or her son’s life.

Three years ago, SS published something on line that was disrespectful to me and my mother. He happened to be at his BM’s house for the weekend when I saw it and DH told him he couldn’t come home until he apologized to me and my mother. Needless to say, he argued with DH and didn’t apologize. He was content where he was. At 16 going on 17 he was at a house where anything went. BM would allow him to drink, do drugs, cuss around her and at her, and would allow him to have his gf spend the night.

Now, 3 years later, he's too out of control for BM and shedoesn’t find his behavior acceptable any more. She is tired of his laziness, disrespect and ungratefulness and wants him out. He’s been fired from 2 jobs within one year. He’s on his 3rd job now, but has only been on it about 2 months. She is frustrated because all he does is sit around, drink, get high, and play video games. She has to pay someone to cut their lawn. She has mice and insects in her house because he leaves food and crap in his room. She asks him for help around the house and he tells her to “Go to hell!”. Now she’s serving him with an eviction notice.

DH is doing everything he can to get the kid and his buddy into an apartment, he’s even going to co-sign even though he’s already co-signed on a car loan and a school loan for his son, both of which DH has already had to cover more than once in a year. DH has found a place or two for them, but there is a 7-10 waiting list.
The eviction notice his BM gave him is a 7 day notice so there might be 2-3 days SS might need a place to stay. DH has asked me if he could stay with us and I said “no” because I would feel uncomfortable having him stay with us. (This has come up once or twice before and I had let my feelings be know, I feel I get anxiety attacks at just the thought of it.)

His son right now hangs with the wrong crowd, some of his friends have served hard time for drug dealing. He also has direct connections to a serious biker gang. His best friend’s dad is a convicted heroine dealer and he’s spent many a nights at their house.

He’s a liar, a manipulator, he has a very short temper, a foul mouth, doesn’t respect anyone or anything, and he’s a pot head (maybe more). I have 2 sons that are both underage who are totally the opposite of him. They are both respectful and responsible and are both still minors.

Am I wrong to stick to my guns and say his son is not welcome to stay at our house?

Even though his son has hated me for some time and made his hatred known, I’ve always tried to help DH look out for him. I won’t help him directly, I don’t feel comfortable dealing with the young man directly, but I still do care about him because he’s DH’s son. I want to see him do good for himself. I feel bad about saying “no”, but I get a horrible feeling at even the thought of this young man being under my roof, even if it’s only temporary.

Am I being too hard headed?????? It is DH’s son, and that I feel bad for, I hate hurting him.