Loving Husband/ Bully SD
My DH is one of the last true gentlemen. He treats me so well in every situation not dealing with one of our children. He is thoughtful, caring, patient, funny, kind, deferential and generous, not to mention sexy as hell & very romantic and demonstrative. We have an awesome relationship- then there are the children.
DH has an on-again, off-again thing going on with my BD, 8yrs old. He will be nice and loving and playful, even though he is somewhat strict about her "attitude", her "listening", etc. There are several issues. When DH's daughter, my 15 year old SD comes around (which isn't often even though she lives locally) he will shut down towards my BD, to the point of being loud, harsh & rude. SD eats it up and eggs it on. When SD is not around, all is well and good and going smooth and then *BAM* out of nowhere we go into Jekyl/Hyde mode. He can sometimes go off (really, really loud, really mean and nasty, bullying type language) about the smallest of things. My daughter is a really good kid. She is loving and kind and into everything, just as an 8 year old should be. She is tiring and exhilarating, all at the same time. He will berate her, out of the blue after a really fun day, belittle her, make her cry because he has hurt and confused her, then call her a crybaby for crying. Most of the time, I hear conflicting stories, different details from each of them.
I am heart-broken for her and fighting mad that ANYONE would treat my daughter this way.
I am heartbroken for myself because I love my husband, so much. I respect him in every other aspect of our lives, yet I do not know how to deal with this. If he treated me that way, I'd be gone in a heartbeat--how can I allow him to treat my daughter that way? (I have even told him this.) I have talked to him about it, he says I exaggerate and baby her too much.
I am heartbroken for my DH because his BD, my SD refuses to see him very often. (She gets to decide, which is part of the problem.)I don't know what causes his bad behavior. It normally happens at good, happy times, not when my daughter is mis-behaving??? At a loss. I don't know how to talk through this with a man that thinks he is right and doesn't even want to hear my opinion...see above, this isn't normal, just with this issue. Anyone?
"If he treated me that
"If he treated me that way,I'd be gone in a heartbeat" You would never put up with this, yet your poor daughter is forced to endure this treatment.
What happens when she tells her dad, family members, teachers...and someone calls CPS (emotional abuse)?
Your husband isn't a gentleman. If he were, he wouldn't bully an 8year old little girl.
Don't let her think this is
Don't let her think this is normal and this is how she is to be treated. I'm sure that is not how you want her to grow up. Please protect your daughter.
Do you think this will get better on its own?
He needs to know in no uncertain terms that you are not going to tolerate it.
Are you prepared to leave him on that, or have her live with her father, or withholding sex or whatever to get him to anger management?
Maybe leave the house immediately with your child every time he starts on her. Do you have a place to go temporarily?
Do not leave her alone with him. She needs you.
Thank you for the input, most
Thank you for the input, most comments are the same things that run through my head over and over. It sounds so easy to say, yet harder to do. I do stand up for her, we argue, all is good for a few weeks or a month or so until the next incident. StepAside, you are right- he would never put up with this for his own daughter. Episode last night that I will be addressing today- (sigh).
(BTW- her BD is out of the picture. He goes months and months without even calling her. He is not going to be anyone's hero.)
Heading out to saddle up my own white horse.
If her father isn't in her
If her father isn't in her life then it's even more critical that you not allow the man in your life to abuse her like this. If this emotional abuse is from her only male figure growing up, she's going to inadvertently seek out the same type of emotional abuse from male partners in her life, and that will be on you. You need to protect your child above all else. Just because he's nice to her sometimes isn't going to neutralize the torment.