wondering if i was guilt parenting...
Okay, last night we had my BD(4) AND FSD(10) at the house. During dinner my daughter ate most of her food, but didn't clear her plate, and FSD ate all of her food. Well about an hour later, we were all hanging out (me, FDH, BD, and FSD) and FSD got down a huge bag of candy and started eating it. My daughter asked for a piece and FSD gave her 2 pieces. FDH laid into me about how I could let her have those 2 (tiny) pieces of candy when she didn't clear her plate. I told him she ate enough to satisfy me....and told him I didn't think it was a big deal, she just wanted to try what FSD was having...so after he made a huge stink about my child having 2 small pieces of candy because "she would NEVER go to sleep, and she didn't eat enough dinner", he looks over and sees that FSD has eaten about 10-15 pieces. He said "wow, did u eat all that?" then he never said another word about it....am I crazy? Did he have a valid point with my daughter? I feel like he treats me and my child so unfairly!!!!!! Please tell me if I am out of line. Thanks again guys
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as long as you don't tell
as long as you don't tell your fsd that she can't have something after not eating everything, i don't see the problem. do you guys make a big deal about eating everything on the plate before dessert? are there other situations that may have triggered this?
Do you do that to him. Do
Do you do that to him. Do you get on him for allowing to do things that you both agreed were not part of the plan. ie didn't eat her dinner and gets candy? We have the same rule in our house, either eat your meal or no dessert. Truth is it annoys me when he does it to my daughter and it annoys him when I do it to his kids but that is the way it goes. If it is a rule and he comments on it I wouldn't make to big of a deal about it.
Csong40
No, there has never been an issue about eating everything on the plate...and I would never DARE tell his daughter she couldn't do something...I always direct her to her father when she asks my permission to do something. So, it came out of left field. Probably just a by-product of his bad attitude lately.
I think it's really
I think it's really important when you each have a child in the same household, to set clear rules and enforce them. That way, you or he cannot be accused of guilt parenting or picking on the other kid etc.
Is there a rule in place about no candy/dessert unless all dinner is eaten?
I think your daughter having a couple of pieces of candy was no big deal. And your soon to be SD having 10-15 pieces is a little excessive but she did eat her dinner so....not sure if this is a big deal either.
I guess I see from both of your perspectives and neither of you is really wrong. Maybe FH made a big deal about the candy consumption on the part of your daughter because she's 4 and it's just before bedtime perhaps?
I do the same thing.... but WORSE....
I give in to my bd ALL THE TIME but hold FSD's to another standard.... I only recently realized that I do this.... For instance if FSD's don't eat all of their dinner (or at least what we tell them they have to eat) then I don't let them snack.... BUT... my bd threw a fit about eating the other day and wound up not eating all (or even half) of her food.... but bf left so I let bd snack on yougart, crackers and even ice cream.... SOOOOO bad.... but I don't know how to stop! I recognize it now so I need to start addressing this pronto.... just don't know how....
Don't know how...
You just confirm the rule one more time...if you do not eat as much of your dinner that we want you to eat, you will get NO snacks. Then do it.. EASY!
Mealtimes battles have been
Mealtimes battles have been an issue in my house. You two must be on the same page with those rules and then once you both agree, there needs to be consistency and support.
Here's a couple sites though that have good advice on how to handle picky eaters but includes advice on whether it's appropriate for a child to 'clean their plate' and when 'desserts' should be granted.
I found this very helpful and now I've really relaxed on the subject. Mealtimes aren't the issue it was once. Maybe your H will too if he will read them.
Oh my GOD!
I just agreed with CRAYON!
Thank goodness it was only in my head... wait... er... curse you fast typing fingers!!!
I do not reward with desserts, if she doesn't eat...
However, my BF and I have never discussed anything about mealtime. I will admit, my daughter is a picky eater, there are not many things she will scarf down...I was a kid that cleaned her plate! But, she is who she is, and while I can encourage her to eat more and eat better, I feel that making a huge deal out of every bit will cause more harm than good. As long as she is getting nourished sufficiently, I am ok with that. Anyway, I am going to check out the link, and Loving Life, you didn't pot any links with your replay, I would love to see them too. Thanks for all the support!
Oops, silly me!
It's a good thing I went back and scanned over old posts... just now saw I didn't post the links!
Here they are:
http://www.med.umich.edu/1libr/pa/pa_pickyeat_hhg.htm
http://www.ucsfhealth.org/childrens/edu/pickyEaters/index.html
I hope you all find useful. Like I said, my approach is different now and I find mealtimes much less stressful now... expect when SS decides to throw up his 2nd bite!
What about the "two bites" rule?
I was a SUPER picky eater. I remember sitting at the table, staring at a plate of cabbage until bedtime! And I lost count how many other vegetables I sat and stared at, but would NOT eat. My babysitter and parents had the "you have to sit there until you eat your veggies" rule, and I can tell you, it didn't work with me. I would only eat corn on the cob or french cut green beans until I was probably 12 or 13!
When I had kids, I vowed to come up with something better. So I made up the "two bites" rule. You absolutely, positively HAVE to eat at least TWO BITES (normal size, one garden pea is not a bite) of each thing on your plate before you may have seconds of anything, be excused, have dessert, etc. It is so easy. They'll eat just 2 bites of DOG FOOD if you put it in front of them! Nothing tastes too bad for 2 measly bites, right?
And guess what? They keep trying foods, and develop a taste for them. Both my kids LOVE spinach, broccoli, cauliflower, and will eat almost any vegetable. My daughter even loves brussel sprouts! (really. no kidding.) She won't eat rice, and he won't eat eggs, but they have tried them over and over, and understand that they still have to have 2 bites, that's just how it is, then they can have all of what they like best that they want! It is psychology at its FINEST!!!
"Be careful who you have babies with..." --BitchBitchBarbie, 2009
love the two bites rule!
i will be talking it over with my FH! I think I love that new rule!
I hope it works for you!
It's one of the few things I've thought of as a parent that I'm really confident was best... I second-guess myself on a lot of things, but if I have a 14yo daughter that eats more veggies than I do, it must have worked well!
It makes it easy for me not to be a pushover, too, because we can ALL count to 2, no way for me to let it slide. Funny, when they were smaller, like 3 or 4, they'd be sure to get my attention before eating the "dreaded" food, so I'd witness the 2 bites! Then they were all proud, and "oh, can I have more mac and cheese now?!" And then you can say, "sure, you ate your 2 bites of peas/carrots/salad, whatever" they're all happy bc they can pig out on mac and cheese, and I'm all happy because they ate 2 bites of baby carrots. Ah, harmony!
"Be careful who you have babies with..." --BitchBitchBarbie, 2009
Also seriously consider the portions you give BD4
My BD6 doesn't eat much. She's overall healthy, just a little skinny but growing fine for her age. My sister gives her son the same age twice as much as BD6 eats, and he has no problem finishing it. But she's full with just a few bites of each thing. Like for school lunch, she only eats half a sandwich, maybe six chips, a serving of fruit, and milk. That's it. Just try to have age-appropriate serving sizes, and encourage BD to be a "healthy eater." BD6 will come to me and request a healthy snack because she feels she hasn't eaten healthy enough some days!