Sympathy card
Forums:
DH sent sympathy cards to BM and her parents because her grandmother died. He got an email stating... The sympathy cards you sent to me directly and to my parents were *extremely inappropriate. Our communication should be strictly about the boys.
All I can say is wow!
I can't understand where she is coming from.
If she was close to her
If she was close to her grandmother, it might be good to cut her some slack here.
I think you have a valid point and commend your dh for trying to do the right thing. However, many people here also think it is best to keep communication strictly about the kids.
I know if my ex sent me a card about a relative's passing, I'd think it was a bit inappropriate, but that's just me.
I think it's all about
I think it's all about context. If he regularly rejects non-kid related communication from her, then he was likely setting himself up for this one.
It sucks that even kind gestures get railroaded in the post-divorce conflicts
Eh, I've gotten that sort of
Eh, I've gotten that sort of thing from my ex. Whatevs.
I guess maybe I could
I guess maybe I could understand if the divorce was fairly new maybe? But they have been divorced 7 years now,twice as long as they were married. She is remarried with 2 kids with her new DH. She is just amping her crazy up and I'm not sure why.
If she was close to her
If she was close to her grandma, that's probably the reason for amping up her crazy.
Just saying .. maybe she gets a pass on this one?
And her parents sent DH and
And her parents sent DH and family a card last year when his grandmother died do he was only trying to do the right thing.
I would chalk this up under -
I would chalk this up under - good thing to know and move on. It would be nice to blame the grieving process, but some people are just assholes.
my take is a little
my take is a little different. maybe your dh has been contacting her more than he should be? i was having a hard time after my ex and i separated/divorced. he just wouldn't let go. i had to get rude. my dh has had to get rude with his ex.
Unless DH put a picture of
Unless DH put a picture of his junk in the sympathy card, it was not inappropriate. BM is just being a hag on this one.
I don't care how close she was to gma. And her parents sent DH a card last year. She is just being a b!tch.
^^^ hmmm...never thought
^^^ hmmm...never thought about that.
Maybe her new DH didn't like
Maybe her new DH didn't like the idea of the ex sending a sympathy card. How many of us would have had a shit fit if a card came in from BM???
I wouldn't want BM sending DH
I wouldn't want BM sending DH or their parents a card. In fact, DH's grandmother died in December. Nobody even bothered to tell BM because it was during school and the funeral was 15 hours away & he didn't want SD to miss school for the funeral. She got all pissy when she found out that nobody had told her, but it was none of her business. MIL was really really down and DH was busy trying to comfort her, plus BM is always acting crazy and cussing people out. The last thing MIL needed was contact with that psycho.
I agree. All communication should be about the kids. BUT it is rude to not thank someone for a kind gesture. We personally would have thanked her, even though we didn't want to - & waited until another time to address boundary issues.
^^^^^^^ditto^^^^^^. as far
^^^^^^^ditto^^^^^^. as far as i'm concerned, bm gave up ALL rights to dh's family when they divorced, as i did my ex's family. she may comfort her children all she wants, but please don't try to comfort my dh and the remaining family. i wouldn't be rude, but she wouldn't receive a thank you, either.
This to me is a "Damned if
This to me is a "Damned if you do and a damned if you don't" scenario. DH sent the cards and was told it was "inapprpriate". Had DH not sent any sympathy card, he would have probably been chewed out for being uncaring. There is no winning move with BM's like this.
She is an asshole. There is
She is an asshole. There is no way around it. It's not grieving, it's not her DH, she is just an asshole. She was in contact with Dh because it was our weekend with sk's and her grandmother who was 98 was placed in hospice and not expected to make it for more than a day or so. She decided it was best for them to stay with her given the situation. Dh said he understood. She died on Thursday night. Bm told sk's "dad cancelled on you for this weekend." Didn't say why. Did not even tell them their great-grandmother died until 2 days later when they were in the car going out of state for the funeral.
She wanted them to think their father decided he didn't want to see them. Luckily, the 12 year old is starting to pick up on these things and ask us about them.
Dh did the right thing. She is a nutcase and is just trying so hard to find something to bitch about.
Before this, the most recent "issue" was Dh gave 12 year old a benadryl and did not inform Bm via email, text or phone about the "medication" given!?!
This is so exhausting, and in 6 years it has not gotten any better..........
Thanks for letting me vent.
Seems like an unnecessarily
Seems like an unnecessarily harsh response to what's generally regarded as a kind gesture. That was her and YOUR kids Grandmother too so an acknowledgment (non-verbal one at that) was common. Unless they are bitter enemies, can't see how that's so bad. I guess he could have had the kids give it but depends on their age. Anyway, I would ignore her and leave it be.