Not sure how to ask this but...
So, I used to really like my skids. They're 7 and 9 and I don't have any bios yet. I've been with their dad since the youngest was 2, which was right after his separation, so I was there through the whole messy divorce and drama of her false accusations, police reports, and trying to get the kids taken away, but I never held anything against them despite my anxiety and stress.
And then I got my dog.
I have no idea why this transition happened, but when I got my first dog, I immediately wanted him all to myself. I'm a dog lover, but I feel like this is extreme. For the past year, I've started to get irritated with their whining and complaining if everything isn't exactly how they want it, among other things. I enjoy it when they're not here and when they are I tend to be in the parts of the house that they're not, although they tend to treat our bedroom as their playroom so it's an effort.
We now have two dogs and they're my babies, but my real concern is that, if I feel this way about my dogs, what's it going to be like when we have a baby?!? Am I going to be bratty and want the baby all to myself, and to try to control the baby around skids all the time?!? My hubs complains sometimes that I spoil the dogs, and the only thing I can come up with that feels like an explanation is that they're really the only thing I have that isn't someone else's - I feel like they need me.
I realize this is sort of stupid, I just hope that things get better with skids and not worse, and I'm genuinely concerned that a baby is going to make it worse.
It is harder having a blended
It is harder having a blended family and everyone would have their own issues to work on. I felt that way about my animals with my SD but she was trying to hurt them.
I have 2 bios and 3 fur
I have 2 bios and 3 fur babies. They all rank way ahead of skid. I see OPs point, those skids aren't hers, but the fur babies are. It is OK for her to spoil them and treat them well. She loves them. And I agree with your post: your bios love you, animals love you and that's that. Honestly, I am 100% in agreement.
OP doesn't seem to HATE her skids (yet, but that'll come), and there's no law saying you can't treat your animals well. I pet my kitties and cuddle them DAILY. I go out of my way never to touch skid. ever.
first of all, get those kids
first of all, get those kids out of your bedroom. that is your sanctuary, the place you can escape to. and yes, you WILL feel territorial over your own child, especially if the skids are being raised in a way you do not approve of. and that's ok! you're supposed to feel the way you do about your pets. but i promise you, your feelings for your children will be even stronger.
This is not a stupid topic at
This is not a stupid topic at all. You are totally justified in feeling this way. I got my little Min Pin puppy and I made it clear to SD7...this is MY dog. And whenever she treats her with disrespect I call her out on it. I don't let her take the dog out and I closely monitor her interactions with the dog. Given that she's TINY, I walk around the house with the dog in my arms. Sometimes I feel slight guilt because sometimes right after i'm "disciplinary" toward SD7, I turn around and I treat my puppy like an angel. I really needed a puppy because I was struggling with infertility. Now that I have my own bio, I was equally protective. MY BD doesn't have the influence of another hateful woman and is a sweet child.
and I totally understand
and I totally understand about feeling that you have "someone" who doesn't belong to somebody else.
oh yeah, and as far as
oh yeah, and as far as wanting the baby to myself...I barely let SD7 go anywhere NEAR BD. I also had this attitude (that I know is shitty) toward DH. "Look...........you already HAD your kids. lol. It's my turn. This one is MINE. I mean yours too and thanks for the sperm, but MINE. Worry about your OWN. " lol
I completely understand this
I completely understand this mentality. Sometimes DH gets disappointed if I don't participate in activities (because ss7 and sd9 ask to do activities by saying 'can we have FAMILY day at the movies?' Etc.) and honestly sometimes I'm just not in the mood to handle it if they're in a complain-y mood. When I do opt-out, I sometimes find myself making mental lists of things I will do differently with MY kid - oh ya, OUR kid
They're good with the dogs - good thing because each dog outweighs them by 10-20lbs - and they ADORE them, I just get protective (aka unreasonable) if they feed them and it's what I perceive to be too much or too little, or if they try to give the one her daily pill (she has spay incontinence) which tastes like a treat and do it when the other dog is around and he doesn't get anything. A small part of it is that I'm working really hard with training and I worry that the inconsistencies of the kids will affect it. I'm definitely not trying to compare my dogs to human children but I feel protective of them, sometimes unreasonably, and I never saw it coming when we first adopted a pup.
I really shouldn't be complaining about them. They're wonderful kids, they're just those type of kids who have to have the right brand of Mac and cheese or else they won't eat it and that really gets to me. If something isn't familiar to them, they struggle big time, and that couldn't be further from the way my childhood was so I get a little caught-up in the 'my way is better' mindset and it causes me stress.
I have had dogs throughout my
I have had dogs throughout my life, and they are a part of my family. But they are not - and never will be - equivalent to my kids, or any kids in the family.
Apart from that - don't baby your dog(s). All that will do is create issues when you have kids. I've seen it to many times, when the dog gets jealous of the baby - and that is a huge problem.
I agree with this. I adore
I agree with this. I adore my pets, but if you're planning to have kids, you have to train the animals to be ready for that too.
I have rescued and fostered SOOOO many dogs that end up with animal control because they nip/bite at small babies/children when they suddenly find themselves at the bottom of the attention list. Last year, I watched a 2 year old shepherd be put to sleep because she bit a 9 month old baby. The dog was the "baby" in the family since she was 12 weeks old .. human baby comes along and bam .. suddenly no more time for the family pet. Most shelters won't even consider adopting out a dog if it has a bite history .. which was the case with this dog.
I know that's an extreme .. but irresponsible pet owners really really get under my skin!