Being mean to a baby is grounds for severe punishment, whatever that means in your family.

Let her know and warn her ONCE. Then immediately follow up with punishment if she screws up. Do not let up if she says she is sorry, she won't do it again, etc. She can't get out of it. Continue being consistent and she will learn the rules. The rules are fair and she will see that.

You don't bully the small and defenseless because it's wrong. Pick on someone your own size.

You also aren't mean to your brothers and sisters because you love them and it's wrong to hurt the ones you love.

These are rules anyone will back you up on and she can go ask her friends and know it's the same everywhere.

What is it WITH parents who don't think a kid touching another kid inappropriately is not "that big of a deal" that does not deserve extra monitoring and punishment?

If it was their child who had been violated (no matter how "harmless" or small it may seem), they'd probably flip their shit.

I'm just appalled--call me a prude or whatever but seriously, putting your hand on another person is not okay, be it violence or sexual violation under any circumstance, especially unprovoked.

This is so beyond sibling rivalry as she's exhibited some serious signs of real issues beyond the home- touching, school bullying--how does DH explain that away? And siblings normally don't 'rival' unless they are within the same age range and a toddler is not on same range with a 7yr old. A 7yr old may be jealous of a new baby but they normally display it by acting more like a baby themselves, wanting attention, etc. But being malicious and domineering is a different story.

They need to address this and stop acting like it's not an issue. Your Mom doesn't live in your home and it sometimes hard for people to understand what it's like so support isn't always there (which is why this is such a good site) so probably best not to turn to her anymore for venting. She will not fully get it (until it's very public from school or something) as this kind of behavior usually escalates if not checked quickly.

A dominant personality is one thing but it can be guided and honed into appropriate avenues to be a benefit but first it comes with addressing it. If she stays at it and DH does nothing, tell him you will take the baby and leave until he does because its upsetting to the child and to you. That should be enough to make him act but sometimes these DH's can be dull about stuff and he may need a very clear picture that you will not wait for SD7 to start physical attacks or nightmarish level yelling and pushing around of a 2yr old.

Good luck!

I think you have hit the nail on the head with the assessment that the younger "baby" is mild-mannered.

There **IS** a level of normal sibling rivalry within this and I can see how others viewing this may sit back and allow it to happen. But the key IS two fold: a) the elder child is getting in trouble at school and b) the younger child is mild-mannered.

Were I you I would put a "No Bullying Allowed" rule at home. We love our sister; we do not bully her. No Bullying Allowed at home. Period. No emotion. No Discussion.

If the 7-year old bullies, there are immediate consequences. They are always the same. They are never given in anger.

I dealt with this when my kids were little (3-year age difference) between full-blood siblings. My ds4-5 was horrible to my dd1-2. I was firm about being nice; but I knew, and I was right, that this specific problem would solve itself eventually. I never ever allowed things to get bad..... but, I allowed my son the freedom to explore not-so-nice behavior. The difference between your situation and mine: My dd was never ever a mild-mannered child. She was a spit-fire from birth. I waited and was rewarded with the pummeling I knew my dd2-3 would hand out to my ds5-6. She snapped one day and let him have it. This was a teaching opportunity right around their 6 & 3 birthdays. He learned that just because she was smaller didn't mean she couldn't retaliate. She learned that if you have to fight you better be prepared for the consequences.

He never bullied anyone again and she remembers getting into trouble for smacking the crud out of her brother even many years later. Oh, and they have been best friends ever since.

This isn't going to work at your house, so instead you need to make specific and expected consequences for bad behavior.

Kate

Pull the B and S prefixs out of your post, reread it and you will see the obvious answer.

To cut to the chase ...... you should protect your 2yo child from your 7yo child. 5 years age difference is notable and a 7yo can cause significant injury to a 2yo while a 2yo poses zero threat to a 7yo.

This is an issue of parenting. I am 6 years older than my next eldest brother and 8 years older than the youngest. My parents gave me absolute clarity in no uncertain terms that as the eldest it was my responsibility to keep and eye on my younger brothers and to not allow anything to happen to them.

They also set the expectation with all three of us that we were brothers, we were never allowed to get in to physical fights with each other and if we ever did that we would all three have to go in to the back yard when dad got home and fight him.

Sibling rivalry happens, intersibling violence should never happen. Your DH needs to put on his man undies and man up with his eldest. You keep on doing what you are doing even if your DH is not man enough to do his fatherly duties.

I would suggest that regular and notably forceful corporal punishment be applied to your SD-7's bare butt cheeks on the next and every subsequent incident of phyisical violence with your or any 2yo.

IMHO of course.

As for your SD-7 being a bully, someone will put a hard object across her face one of these days and SD-7 will be the better for it. Hopefully this happens sooner rather than later.

I was a mild tempered kid, I just wanted to get along with everyone and I hated fighting. So I did not fight. That made me a target. Then in ~6th grade I came to the realization that getting hit hurts whether I fought back or not. So I decided if someone was going to hit me that they would feel pain too. It took a total of 2 fights after I came to that realization for people to clearly understand that you do not fuck with me and get away with it unscathed. I was taken to the Principal's office for those fights (one in 6th grade and one in 8th)where the Principal asked who the hell I was since I had never been in any trouble I was a decent student and had never been on any behavioral radar screen befor. When I explained what happened I had zero repricussions and the idiots who started the fights were expelled or suspended. Witnesses of course helped keep me out of trouble since I was the one who was attacked.

Your SD appears to be one that will not learn her lesson until she gets a few stitches when she picks on the wrong person.