Hi, Folks,

I'm new and not down with the all the initials yet, so bear with me here.

I am a step-father with a teenage step-daughter.(16) I've been in this child's life for over half of it but it is now that things are beginning to happen and putting a stress on my marriage. In trying to deal with these teenager-gone-bad behaviors, I've been shut out by her mom totally and told it isn't my place to do anything.

Unfortunately, my wife has no backbone whatsoever. She's a pushover and I think she's afraid to put the hammer down. I am an educator with lots of experience dealing with children of all ages and am very matter of fact and consistent with discipline, but am unable to do anything, hence the reason I feel so helpless. Here are the major things going in our household right now:

1. SD began dating a bad boy back in November. He's a total douchebag/pot head. I wasn't crazy about him from the get go because I had seen all the crap he posts on Facebook/Twitter. The first time he came over I took him directly outside and had a nice conversation about his life choices and the fact that if he wants to impress me, he needs to show me something better than albums of pot smoking pictures and posts calling ex-girlfriends a C***. Long story short, the SD lost her virginity to the douchebag after which he dumped her but still texts her for the booty call or to ask to borrow money for drugs. After showing her mother all the drug crap of his on social media, my wife agreed that she was not to go to his house any more. About a month ago, I learned from our cell phone bill that she was constantly texting him and he was still trying to get drug $ and booty. Basically I was shut down at this point by the wife who "doesn't see any harm in her just texting him". I, on the other hand understand that she obviously was not emotionally prepared to lose her virginity when she did and she is in obsessive-mode with this boy, taking any kind of contact from him all the while degrading herself. So, the texting continues. I have no idea if she's sneaking to see him or not.

2. After the SD broke up with the douche, she became fast friends with his friends who all have major drug problems. My first impression was to say, no, you're not hanging with those kids, but wife overruled me. She will not let her do sleep overs and has limited her contact with these stoners to meeting somewhere like that's any better. I have no doubt that we could detect pot use by the SD because we stay up and wait when she goes out and wife always gets close to her when she returns home. That won't work with the other things these kids are into like molly, Xanax and cocaine. THAT'S what I worry about most. Actually, there have been a few times when I suspected she was high on something, but my wife just poo-pooed it away. The SD's favorite line is, "I'll take a drug test any time you want." meaning a test for pot. I often wonder how she would react if I brought home a drug test that tests for EVERYTHING.

3. SD has a big problem with social media and appropriateness. When she was 13 we let her to Facebook and I monitored it. After me getting on her case multiple times, the wife said she would monitor from now on which doesn't happen. I've seen her Twitter page. It's filled with vile, vulgar talk and multiple posts about me. She is also posting inappropriate videos on other social media apps. I am not supposed to know this because wife has declared that her accounts are "private" now.

So, that's where I'm at. I'm stressed to the max because I worry about the welfare of my SD who I dearly love. I'm also reeling from these new characteristics within my wife when it comes to what she thinks is acceptable for her. Honestly, if I had known her opinions before hand, I'm not so sure I would have considered her marriage material all those years ago. Since my SD has turned 16 I feel like she and my wife have turned into two entirely different people. I feel helpless because I know what to do in these cases but am unable to do it. I feel alienated because it feels like me against the ladies, and the SD's friends know me as the "Psycho Step-Dad". And, I have to keep it bottled up inside because I really don't have any friends that I would feel comfortable confiding in at this point. My wife and I are seeing a marriage counselor, but I really don't see her changing her twisted views because of it. I, myself am going to start seeing a counselor on my own just to be able to vent and deal with those things I can not change.

Thank you if you've read this far. This is the first I've expressed these things to anyone, so it feels damn good to get it out in some fashion. Any thoughts and prayers are appreciated.