Need advice from experienced SMs and SDs ... hesitant to take the jump, is there any reward?
My FI and I are finally almost moving-in together. Quick background - been dating for 14 years, yes 14 years! Engaged for the past year. I have two BDs, FI has two BDs. His ex is "unreasonable" and possibly mentally ill (or just perfectly manipulative, who knows). We were on the crusp of moving in together (within two weeks) when his eldest, on her own, moved in with dad after college graduation. This has thrown me into a tizzy, I am down right pissed. He accepted the situation and claims he doesn't understand why I am upset and now NOT moving in under the current circumstances. It has boiled down to one thing for him (whether actually believed or thrown out there as a cheap defense) ... that I am making him choose between his "child" and me. I was busy with my own children for the majority of the years and have not been involved with them primarily because of the ex and her alienation tactics. We got engaged a year ago and it has been difficult to say the least. He is totally a Disney Dad and pays in time and resources over and above his legal obligation and any common sense. His are 22 and 15, yes the 22 "child" is the subject matter of this debacle. I have been on the sidelines for so long with this that I am not sure I am capable of seeing it from a "get my head out of my idealistic expectations ass" ... The question I have for the more experienced SMs and SDs of this board is: is there any reward, is it worth making this jump. I want to run away ...
It's not for the faint of
It's not for the faint of heart or the thin skinned, that's for sure. Most relationships with people who have kids from previous relationships don't work out. Usually due to differences over parenting or interference from the ex.
But for me personally, it's worth it. I love my FDH and as crazy as it all gets sometimes, we have these moments together that make it all worth it. I think of it like mining for gold. There's a lot of mess, a lot of explosions and a lot of hard work. But we keep doing it because those few nuggets are really very precious.
That's just me though.
After 14 years, you know whether it's worth it to you or not.
What about remaining together
What about remaining together but maintaining separate homes? I sometimes wonder if this is what I should have done...
Particularly since DH reminisces that SD was comfortable in 'his' house, but now in our house she won't come over.