what's the relationship like with BM? Do you think this is a problem for her too? It would be nice if you all could work together to help skids to develop a routine in both homes. I imagine that the problem is partially due to the transitions back and forth. LOL but something tells me that you wouldn't be here if everything was all peachy-keen with BM and she would work together with you.

I agree with DH needs to back you up. Is the situation new or in transition at all? If so it might take time to develop the routine. I would not pick up after them though, I would either throw the crap away or make them stop what they were doing to pick up after themselves.

I HATE it when my skids leave their crap in our common areas... We give them their own rooms, is that not enough??? they need to dominate the entire house too?

It really is up to your husband. These are his relationships to manage, his boundaries to set, his rules to create and enforce - no matter how long you've been in their lives.

Have a candid talk with your husband and tell him that he needs to make the rules and consequences about messiness really clear to his children. It's not just for your peace of mind - it's about responsibility and respect, lessons his children will benefit from.

My dad used to ask us once to put our stuff away, and if we didn't? Well, I'd find Barbie in the trashcan (propped up so I'd be sure to see her and rescue her!). Or I'd find my snack plate that I should have taken to the kitchen in my bed. I'm serious!

He'd put our toys and clothes in the trash and our dirty dishes in our beds. It made us laugh but it also made an impression. It kept things light and he didn't have to do it very long! I've tried it with my husband's daughter, too. Same affect - laughter and groans and message delivered.

You have to start making their stuff disappear if it is not put away. That worked on SS and BS. Now, everything has a place and they make sure it goes back there. Their closests are a disaster but they are not my problem. They are allowed to have that as their disaster area...Once in awhile I go ape shit on them and make them clean it, but for the most part that is it.

Kids have to have someplace that is theirs. But, the main common area needs to be respected. Pack up the stuff. Put it away somewhere, for me it was hidden in the garage. They got it back, but not for awhile.

I agree and disagree with childlessSM. While I agree that you should have a sit down with the husband to try to come up with rules and consequences, he doesn't have the final say. If the kids are in your house they have to follow your rules. Just because you're a step parent doesn't mean you don't get to have any say. If he won't do anything, it might be time to throw their crap away.

When I find stuff in rooms that don't belong there I usually just throw it into their room. There's a perfect little area right next to the steps where I let things collect. If they don't get picked up or used in a week it goes.

I have the same issue with my SD. She has her own room at our house, but she still leaves her crap all over the house instead of putting her things in her room when she’s done with them. It is so aggravating seeing her stuff everywhere! I haven’t thrown anything out yet. Normally I just pick it up and throw it in her room. I think you and your DH need to come up with a consequence and stick to it. Show the skids you aren’t playing games and you will not have them destroying your house.

So Im so glad i found this forum. Im feeling pretty alone here. I do not understand how anyone can let thier kids destroy a house and not expect them to help clean up at all. Im dating a man who has two girls 10 and 11. Last night getting ready for work picked up a paper plate stuck to a pillow in the livingroom. Ramen noodle packet and ramen noodles all over the kitchen floor. Not sure what is smeared all over the bathroom mirror. Finger prints of some sort of food on the walls. We rent an apartment right now im in the process of buying a house and i dont want them to move with me. The house is so bad all the time i will not allow anyone over which puts a strain on me and my grown children and my grandbabies. I love him with all my heart but i dont see us making it much longer cause he has no control over his children and doesnt seem to see a problem with it. I told him tonight that it really bothered me about the paper plate full of syrup stuck to my pillow. And he says they are kids shit happens what you dont want us to move with you. Well to be honest i really dont. I cant afford for bug control to come in once a month and spray cause they leave food every where. I do not want are relationship to end. I feel like maybe im just being irrational. At my wits end with this.i work alot and do not feel like coming home to clean up after his kids or him. Nothing seems to make it in the trash EVER. To make thier own food seems to be the end of the world and god forbid they put up their dishes when they are done. I counted 13 water bottles yesterday one on the floor no lid on it dumped out just really tired and dont know how to change any of it other than leaving 

So throw it away. Anything not put where it belongs goes in the garbage. If they don't fish it out before garbage day... buh bye.

Lather, rinse, repeat. When they get in trouble for not turning in their homework, don't have their favorite clothes to wear or their special belongings, etc... they will learn.

Less stuff = less mess. I go through the kids stuff on a regular basis and get rid of anything that is broken or never gets used, etc. I also wouldn't hesitate to take things that dont get put away.

I actually have this problem with my own kids more than SD. ODS loves drawing and art which equals paper everywhere so the rule is either he draws in a notebook and doesnt tear out the pages or he uses a reusable tablet to draw on. SD sits on her tablet playing video games all day and that at least doesn't make a mess. And then my one year old is in the taking every random thing and throwing it on the floor or putting it somewhere else stage. But hes actually learning to pick up/put stuff away just from watching me so it's not like kids arent capable of it like some daddies seem to think. But since your skids dont seem to care to listen to anything I'd just put all their stuff in a basket in their room and if they don't put it away too bad. Daddy can deal with them not being able to find and/or wrecking all of their belongings

I struggle with this too. Part of it is the kids leaving their stuff all over the house instead of keeping their things in their own rooms. The other part of it is using household items and not putting them away. For example, they take classes and cups to their rooms and never bring them back to the kitchen. I used to do a "dish sweep" of each kid's room every time they went back to their mom's house and would have a dish pan full of dirty cups and plates. 

Now, this is what I do. If I find personal items left in common areas, I just move them to the doorway of their bedrooms. That way, they have to do something about those items if they want to get into their rooms. It also points out to them how much stuff they leave around. Yes, it takes me moving the items, but they also have to take steps to put things away. And they have started leaving less stuff all over the house because they don't want to come home to a pile at their door. 

As for household items that they don't put away, I don't do anything about it. When we run out of the cups they like because they're all dirty in their rooms, oh well. They'll have to go get them and put them in the dishwasher. 

Stuff that isn't stored in their rooms, but doesn't get put away ... I take it away temporarily. For example, if they take out board games from the basement play room but then don't put them away when they're done ... those games disappear for awhile. If they take out DVDs and then don't put them back, those movies go away. I call it "left out time out." If they left it out, it goes into time out.

So these damn skids came over here last night. I was sleeping and didn’t know that they were here until this morning when I heard movement in the house (which made me mad, why didn’t my husband give me the heads up???). Since their arrival I have found paper on the dining table, an empty container on the stove, empty cups around the house, and water on one of the bathroom’s floor. I’m so annoyed and can’t wait for them to go back home!