My ex (he was my first husband) and I are planning to get married. However, I’m not so sure anymore. We never had kids, and after divorce, we were away many years. In the interim, he married and had a daughter, who is now 14. He divorced his wife after 5 years, and since then he went back to her once and ended up divorced again within 6 months. During all those years, he paid a pretty penny above and beyond what he was assigned by the court, hoping his daughter would care for him.

When he called me 6 months ago, he had no relationship with his daughter and couldn’t get alone with his ex. He’s never had a relationship with his daughter, and his daughter pretty much shared her mom’s views. In fact, their divorce was hostile. The few times his daughter visited him, all ended up hostile. He was miserable when he called me. As our relationship progressed (he visits me every month), he began to feel better and became quite happy. I asked him not to tell his ex and daughter about me until we had solidified our plans (we live on different coasts). Unfortunately, because he was suddenly so happy and going out of town so often, his daughter began to wonder, and he told her that he was seeing me and that we were serious.

Well, now, suddenly, his daughter is treating him "wonderfully," she asks him to the house, he’s eating at her mother's house, his ex-wife for the first time in over 9 years is treating him "with respect." I don't know why, but I had a feeling this would happen. The daughter will call him to go over, he jumps, drops everything, and flies over there, and the ex calls his cell along the way to pick up things for her at the supermarket. Anyway, tomorrow he’s traveling to another state to see a camp that his daughter said she wants to go to this summer (which is outrageously expensive), so they’re going with him. I’m jealous. I’m worried. I told him. He got angry. He said he has to keep up this relationship with his ex and daughter, since it’s the first time he’s had a relationship with his daughter. I can't emphasize enough that he had zero relationship with his daughter prior to his mentioning me to them. I asked him if this will continue once we’re together, and he said, “Well, when you’re up here, you can come with us!”

I don’t know what to do or think. I have a feeling that if I ended it with him, the relationship with his ex and daughter would turn sour again, and I told him that the relationship with me is the only reason his ex and daughter are treating him nicely. He got very angry. I get the feeling that his daughter (who previously called him ugly names and refused to see him), is manipulating him and will make our marriage a living nightmare.

Am I being unreasonable? I'm scared to death!