STBX moved out on Friday. I held my breath so much, i’m permanently blue in the face. There was no show-down, no anger, no begging. There was, however, great guilt trips. And I felt guilty, because that’s my nature but it didn’t change anything. H said ‘I will miss seeing Mr Toddler every day’. Which was interesting because he hasn’t made an effort to see him during his wake hours. Sooo. . .

A former Stalker reminded me of her situation and my mother said the same thing: at least you won’t see the skids anymore! They had been by the previous weekend and H and I had an awful row about stupid crap (not the skids or anything to do with them). I’m so glad I don’t have to deal with his anger on skid weekends anymore.

Which brings me to my decision. I continue to go back and forth on why. If I were to stay, my teen bios would see a relationship in which the H verbally abuses the W on a regular basis. Mr Toddler would see that as a role model to be a husband. After H started attacking my bios with threats of ‘beating the shit out of them’ for teen defiance (they have no respect for him after witnessing the horrible things he has said to me), I couldn’t waiver anymore.

But now I will have to deal with Mr Toddler putting up with H’s anger. I’m hoping with me not around, he won’t be quite so angry at his kids.

H asked to have our son this coming weekend, since it is skid weekend too. I said no. I am so afraid of his anger with his kids around. I actually had to take our son with to my job last skid weekend because H was so out of control angry.

I’m tempted not to start the divorce proceedings because in my state, whoever has the kid has custody. And the justice system here has made it perfectly clear that my concerns are not a concern because I chose not to call the cops all those times. I knew calling the cops would have escalated things the next time.

I know I sound like a horrible BM but many of you know my history with H. Yes, he’s the father of my child so if he was good enough to have a kid with, he’s good enough enough to have visitation with, right?

But one thing that makes me different is I DO hope he finds someone else. The early years were good. He was calmer once we started dating so I can only hope he would lose his rage with someone new, if only for a little while.

I don’t want to keep him from his son, I really don’t. But without the justice system on my side, I’m so afraid of his rage towards our son.

I feel like my choice is sacrificing my bios or our son, whichever way I choose, someone loses big-time.