I think it depends on the individual, their history and the situation. I don't believe there should be a blanket it should always be X or it can never be Y.

Some of us have better situations than others, and so being excluded would be a painful experience.

Some of us can't stand our skids or vice versa, so being excluded would be a great thing.

Some of us have weak spouses who always cave and allow the BMs and skids to treat us rudely and with disrespect. Yet again another painful situation caused by two problems, the skid/BM and the spouse (or SO).

I mostly see members write about it when they've been hurt by being excluded or hurt by their spouse/SO not standing up for them.

I do feel that those SPs that excluded their skids from numerous important events, have no room to bitch when the favor is returned.

I think more stepparents would be inclined to invite skids if the skids actually treated them fairly and respectfully.

In our case, stepdevil14 was so horrid and tried breaking us up repeatedly and then flat out told her father that she didn't support our marriage so he didn't invite her to our wedding reception.

She most recently texted him a nasty message last month saying she had an awards ceremony at her school but for him not to come because "she didn't want him there". We BOTH went for two reasons: 1. To show her that she's not in control or calling the shots anymore. We're adults and will go anywhere we please and 2. To let her know that even if she didn't want her dad there, he was there to show his support of her achievement and to express how proud he was of her.

I'd have NO issues inviting SD along on ANY of our outings, excursions, trips, whatever IF she was nice and respectful. But you bet your sweet ass she's not going to say "Don't bother coming to my event because I don't want you there". Sorry honey, but you're the child and you can't tell the adults what they can and can't do!

There are so many factors at play in this type of seniero. In the original post, this exclusion story is about a pre-prom photo meet and greet.... Thusly a high school kid... Most often, in my opinion issues related to that aged step kid are either directly related to bio parent interfering/behaviors, short length of time post divorce, week bio parent( the remarried one ) or bad behaviors on the part of the step-parent

Personally, I was newly married, after a year or so of dating/engagement When the youngest sd had her prom and a fairly large multi family pre-prom gathering. I didn't go... My choice... Not because of dislike of the sd or not being invited... I felt it wasn't for me... I hadn't engaged with her friends and their parents... The rituals of ending high school are as much about the present as they are about the past... Parents often say " i cant believe they look so grown up... I remember the first day of school" etc....there isn't a place in that for a step who hasn't known the sd for many years.... I did go to the graduation and had a (my label) " why don't we all get along" dinner after... These gatherings were difficult in the beginning, but I knew that participating in an adult way, no drama on my part, was a part of the long game.... Some adult steps are awful.... But many with enough time and good non drama actions by the step parent can find a way to be that isn't hell... It is important to note, I'm a mental health counselor/ therapist and see many divorced related situations.

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I think this depends on the situation. Imagine if your children are totally fantastic with your SO. They behave in a decent and kind manner and make a conscious effort to build a relationship with him/her. And imagine if your SO on the other hand turned around and acted a hostile, disrespectful manner to your children and completely refused to engage with them in any way. As a decent parent I wouldn't tolerate that from my SO at all, they would be out of my life so quick. Now on the other hand of it's your SO who is the decent kind human being who has done nothing but go out of their way to treat your children wonderfully and those same adult children have been nothing but asses to him/her and refuse to invite her/him to family events along with you, well then I think it is the responsibility of the parent - loving and supportive spouse - to stand up and say no, this behaviour is unacceptable and if my SO is not invited I'm not going either. SP's I feel have a right to disengage from adult skids who have treated them badly. On the other hand, if neither skid nor sp are in the wrong - they just simply don't like and mutually can't get along (no different then some bio parents with their bio-kids) than maybe it's better both disengage and avoid each other? I don't know but I think it is wrong on so many levels to allow either SP or Skid to treat anyone who has been decent and kind to them in a crappy way. If the SP has been great, then too bad for the skid if they just don't like them, they need to learn to suck it up and invite the SP regardless. Although my dh's eldest daughter has been horrific to me over the years despite how hard I tried with her before totally disengaging, she still does invite me to events along with dh. She knows that this is where dh draws the line. She knows she will lose there....