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biological child doesn't like step kids

dgrafe's picture

Submitted by dgrafe on Mon, 04/29/2013 - 5:34pm

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Teenage Stepchildren

my son has decided not to see me in almost a year. He will be 18 in August. My 2 step-kids, (19 and 17- 1 girl 1 boy), he says are the problem, and that I have done nothing wrong. However he doesn't keep in contact, and I haven't physically seen him since last July. Any advice would be welcome. Thanks

dgrafe's picture

Submitted by dgrafe on Tue, 04/30/2013 - 6:41am

the physical distance is only a matter of a few miles. He just tells me that "he doesn't like my new step kids, and he doesn't like being the child of a divorce". I told him, well that's what you are, and we can't change that. My step kids are very different from him. Loud, dirty language, getting arrested, and with a history of violence and abuse - all of which my son has never experienced, and I guess doesn't know how to deal with. I have a hard time myself dealing with them. Sad

dgrafe's picture

Submitted by dgrafe on Tue, 04/30/2013 - 6:45am

he IS old enough to articulate, but getting ANY kind of response out of him is like pulling teeth.

dgrafe's picture

Submitted by dgrafe on Tue, 04/30/2013 - 6:44am

i've been remarried for 5 1/2 years. the kids are just very different. "Why can't/won't he see YOU since you aren't the problem?" - that's what I've been trying to figure out for almost a year.

dgrafe's picture

Submitted by dgrafe on Tue, 04/30/2013 - 6:42am

i've asked him to dinner, the flea market, the movies - anything he wants, but he never says yes. All I can do is keep trying to get him back in my life.

jumanji's picture

Submitted by jumanji on Thu, 05/02/2013 - 8:00am

What's his reason for refusing your invitation? I honestly think that there is something going on between the two of you (even if you don't know what it is), and the stepsibs are a convenient excuse. Has he always lived with (presumably) his Dad? Or is this something since you remarried?

dgrafe's picture

Submitted by dgrafe on Fri, 05/03/2013 - 7:05am

He doesn't give reasons, except maybe he's busy with his girlfriend. My ex and I have had shared custody, but this is a new issue since I married my new wife.

superstarwife's picture

Submitted by superstarwife on Tue, 04/30/2013 - 5:53pm

I don't blame the kid. My skids are the same age as my 16 year old brother and he doesnt want to come over to my house when their there. He told me the other day he hates them. So I just don't try anymore.My skids are rotten,disrepectful kids. That think the world revolve around them.

luchay's picture

Submitted by luchay on Tue, 05/07/2013 - 5:34am

I think all you can do is keep trying. Keep offering to see him (away from your home) ask him when he is free and what he wants to do. Tell him you miss him and would love to spend some time hanging out with him, and that you will always be there, whenever he is ready to talk.

Hugs to you, it is very hard, i went through something similar with my eldest dd. She is now turning 24 and we are close again, but for a while it was very difficult.