Wow - first things first. BM is getting her way and in control here - as far as she thinks. You have to convince your hubby that she is NOT in control and he will never lose visitation with his children. The courts are not going to take them from him because he doesn't dance to her tune. As soon as he fully realizes this, you two are back on top. Don't allow what happened with me - I allowed BM to try to run the show for two years, not wanting to rock the boat. It will start out with the late pickups/demands and escalate into more money, favors, and outright disrespect to you both. You have to nip this in the bud and stick with the CO for now.

Send her an email or letter (totally business like) that tells what hours she may call, unless it is an emergency that requires immediate medical care. Tell her that she will stick with the CO or it will be documented. Keep a calendar and make note of every time she is late/early or doesn't follow orders. The next time she calls with anything except issues directly relating to Skids or in a disagreeable tone, or late at night, let her know the next incident will result in email only contact. You can block her on your phones for 3 months at a time. If she sends nasty emails, let her know that the next incident will result in

If she tries to pull any nonsense with not letting him have the kids, drag her butt to court immediately and ask for a change in custody or on contempt of court. Let her know (like a dog) that every negative action, comes with a reaction. The courts will NEVER keep kids away from their dad, unless their is clear evidence of abuse. Don't let her bully you, it will just get worse.

How do you think she would react if he asked to keep them like Friday after school until Tuesday? Or every other week? or during the school week? Sounds like they desperately need stability and regular sleep schedules and you guys are the ones whol provide that for them.

I'm totally new to this forum and here BC my DH has a (i think) delusional Exwife (BM) and I'm looking for info on PAS. This post caught my attention BC every time things get difficult for BM she either diagnosis them with a mental issue or drops them to us. Don't get me wrong we lOVE our kids...I'm super lucky to have very close relationships with SD13 and SS 17 for many years. We want them to have a healthy relationship with BM and we want them with us...I think that might be the way a lot of parents wish. It seems the more we try to help her, the more it fails (not BC of kids, but BC of her weird expectations,rules,and general blame it all on DH when the wheels fall off).
So she dropped SD13 off at our home with all her belongings several months ago for an "unspecified period of time" after the court ordered therapist told her that her home and relationship with SD was "unhealthy". A month prior, BM told SS17 he no longer had to follow the parenting time schedule when he (after two years of unproductive court ordered therapy) finally had the courage, thanks to help from DH, to tell her his wishes in a productive and as respectful as he could way (live with/spend more time with Dad). It seems so true that every time things get difficult for her ...we get the kids...or it's DH's fault...or she goes therapist shopping to try and prove there is something wrong with the kids.
I'm at my wits end and it makes me both sad and somewhat relieved to see I'm not alone. We had our last show cause in March and judge really made a dramatic temporary PT change in,our favor...well, our kids favor..they have been asking for this for nearly three years. Since then, We have been trying to work out a mediation solution out of court to spare our kids being interviewed by the judge and the very real chance(as advised by the treating therapists) that BM's fragile relationships with both kids will be negatively impacted by the therapists testimonies. We've even offered to keep paying CS b/c her initial complaint was that it was about $$. She did't even respond until a week prior to the hearing stating now, it's PAS.. We have three therapists coming to testify that our kids are healthy and they don't need more therapy...now we have to defend ourselves against PAS? Selective cancer ....we get selective Syndromes! What the heck will it be next...actually, I hope it is cancer...
And this whole thing which ironically started five years ago when we got married has been one drama attention seeking-I'm-the-victim scenario after another. Our kids have collectively been to way over 100 sessions, dragged to different therapists by BM when "it wasn't working" and now she's proposing, after giving up her PT and after therapists have said "kids need dad,not more therapy ", that all this is a result of PAS. Last session our 17 (will be 18 in 8 mo) straight A, state ranked athlete, no drugs, no alcohol , well adjusted loving son, told his therapist "I continue to be here because my mom thinks there's something wrong with me. When do I have a say over my own life?" This may not be the PAS forum, but we have a delusional BM trying to convince the judge that we are child abusers! Oh, and after weeks of DH asking for her to attend family sessions with our kids and their therapists (no response of course), she miraculously has been referred to a fourth therapist over an hour away and of course insists that DH attend to "help our children" , But of course does not want the input from the children or to involve them. Nor can she tell DH what will be different from the last therapy sessions and what her desired outcome is. How many therapists will there be? How much more insanity ? Can the judge see how nuts this is, BC I feel like I got tossed on the crazy train without buying a ticket. I have to go to bed now...we have a half day of court tomorrow to see what will come up next. I needed to see other people potentially like me and personally, give a small rant. This is exhausting....and, I might add, very costly on many levels,
Thanks for listening,,,.wish I found this site years ago.