Oh My God!!! The man pisses me off!!!!
SD11 just messaged me a RUDE comment on Facebook. I told her dad-he shrugged it off. Ok, so I messaged her back that what she said was rude. So she messages me back and said it was rude of me to have called her out on her rudeness. Showed it to her dad. He got on there and told her enough with the smart mouth.
Then he said I was over-sensitive b/c I'm on my period!!!!!
I said no-I'm sensitive because I'm sick of her smart mouth and asked him why he is afraid to confront her.
That little bitch comes back to my house tomorrow for 7 days and she had better watch her step. I told her dad I'm going to start writing down her smart ass remarks. If he doesn't address them, I'M GOING TO BECAUSE I HAVE FUCKING HAD IT WITH THAT LITTLE BITCH AND HER SMART MOUTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Shit!!!!!! Fuck!!!!!! Fuck!!!!!
Don't be friends with her on
Don't be friends with her on Facebook. I think Facebook is a huge problem for stepfamilies. It's just asking for situations like this to happen.
Your not being fb friends with her will not cure her attitude or rudeness. But there's a chance that you won't be able to do that anyway. Her parents have to.
i agree. i got rid of sd on
i agree. i got rid of sd on fb for the 2nd or 3rd and final time last may. she uses it as a way to track me, to gossip about me, and to send me rude, shitty messages. since i got rid of her, i have had none of that. she doesn't have the balls to say to my face what she will behind a computer screen. if i didn't work at the only dept store in our county, i would probably never have to deal with her in any way at all anymore.
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Damn - did I write this reply
Damn - did I write this reply - because it is EXACTLY what I was thinking.
Do not "tattle" on her to your DH. Just use that "fear of death" tone of voice to tell her where she can go and what she can do when she gets there.
Don't play games. That will
Don't play games. That will just lead SD to think you're afraid to confront her in front of your husband.
Get on her ass in front of dad.
Won't work. Precious SD
Won't work. Precious SD doesn't lie, you see. It's DH's 5th kid!!!! They will all lie or twist the truth to save their ass!!!!!!!! She'll say my tone scared her so much she cried....I'll say no, it was a stern, yet friendly tone and he will believe her, not me, cause she doesn't lie.
Unfriend her and don't take
Unfriend her and don't take any shit when she comes back. Write it down record it, whatever, but unfriend her for sure.
Took your advice and she is
Took your advice and she is unfriended.
Good. Trust me, eradicating
Good. Trust me, eradicating her from your life as much as possible will only bring positive things to you.
Stay off FB with SD. And
Stay off FB with SD.
And don't "tattle" on her to your DH. It puts you at her level, and he'll think of you BOTH as children.
But part of my disengaging
But part of my disengaging means I don't deal with her. H came back to me and sat down and said, "ok, write down everything she says."
But come to think of it, maybe that's so he can ask her about it, she can deny her wrongdoing, and he can come back to me and say, "well, I talked to her." And the case will be closed and once again, she will have pulled the wool over her dads eyes and gimme that smirk, just to twist the knife a little deeper.
Besides, I HAVE given him chances to stop her from being a smart-mouth to me. He says, "she's tired" or some other excuse. I'll write down what the little bitch says and then what I said back!
""But part of my disengaging
""But part of my disengaging means I don't deal with her"
If you're engaging in conversations, fights and tattling off of FB, you are anything BUT disengaged. You are fully, 100% engaged."
Agreed.
"It's nuttier than squirrel
"It's nuttier than squirrel shit. Honestly."
I am not evn commenting on this in regard to the OP's original post. I am just commenting to say how much I love this phrase.
But, in my opinion, not saying it is for everyone, but, in my life, being friends with anyone that is from DH's past is a BIG GIANT mistake. Being friends with the BM, the skids, the exes....just no. Don't do it. I boycotted FB for almost 2 years at one point because I got to where I just found the whole concept ludicrous. I have since had multiple family members move away and I allowed that to lure me back. I very rarely get on there these days and I would recommend that everyone do the same. It just isn't healthy to live that way.
Ok, This is what I am going
Ok, This is what I am going to do TODAY, because no one else has the balls to stand up to SD11. When she gets home from school, I am going to sit her down and tell her that she will not speak to me or treat me or anyone else in this household disrespectfully. She will not insult, criticize, challenge or backtalk me. She will not interject with her opinion when other people are having a conversation that does not involve her. She will respect our home, and all the house rules apply to her, too. She does not get special treatment because she is no more important than anyone else. She will not argue like a 2 year old. If she disagrees, she needs to do it silently. We WILL have peace in our home the week that she's here for visitation JUST LIKE we do the week she goes home to her moms house.
Now I don't see anything wrong with that. If she cries to DH, what's she gonna say, "SM said I can't be disrespectful anymore"!
He might get mad that I am going to have this conversation without him, but she is running her mouth to me without him, so what the hell. I don't know why I have waited so long. I will let you know how it turns out.
I told SD11 how it is. She
I told SD11 how it is. She came home to our house this afternoon. She was here less than 5 minutes before she SLAMMED THE DOOR IN BD12's FACE....I told her exactly what she was not going to do anymore. She started crying before I was halfway through, but I stayed strong and kept on talking, and didn't miss a beat. Then at the end of it, I stated that I believe SD's problems are related to her low self-esteem and then she lost it. I told her that I think every time she says, "no it's not!" what she really means is "I'm in pain" and she lost it again.
So it turns out that the kids at school are calling her fat and ugly. Also, she said she feels that her dad ignores her. She also said she goes around feeling guilty even though she hasn't done anything wrong.
When her dad got home, we talked to her, and she told her dad how she feels about him spending NO time with her. He literally will go a whole evening a time without saying 10 words to her. She told her dad he never says she's pretty or beautiful, and even if she makes good grades, he only points out the one bad one.
So it turned out to be a good thing. I'm curious to see what happens. This could be just a thing to take the focus off her bad behavior, but I don't think so.
Her dad plans to spend some quality time with her, and when she gets ready to work on weight loss, I can help her with that. I think I wont bring it up for a bit since her wounds are still fresh.
Thanks to all of you for the advice and encouragement!
Ummmm - ok, that sounds
Ummmm - ok, that sounds positive, but what I am wondering is why is his 11yo even allowed on facebook?
Isn't the age limit to open an account 13?
And I think given the rise in cyberbullying that is even too young.
Get this child OFF facebook!
^^^^THIS - contact FB
^^^^THIS - contact FB administrators and flag her profile and have them remove it.
SD11 is absolutely too young
SD11 is absolutely too young for FB, and she should be too busy with school to have time for it anyway.
A dynamic was described by another poster recently that pointed out that if SMs run to dad with the skid's transgressions instead of dealing with them herself, she puts herself on the same level as the child, as a peer or "sibling" that needs dad to referee a dispute. Much better to demand respect for yourself right in her face, as you did.