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lesangel's picture

Submitted by lesangel on Wed, 03/06/2013 - 2:54pm

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Bio Child Free Zone

Just want to say hi to all the bio free step mommies out there. Im new to this site and like all step parents i need to vent. My stepson is almost 2 and in the fit throwing stage :/ it's so annoying. Im 27 with no kids of my own. I try to be a good stepmom and not resent him but sometimes its hard. It doesnt help i battle anxiety and depression.

TASHA1983's picture

Submitted by TASHA1983 on Wed, 03/06/2013 - 3:00pm

Welcome! This is a great place for support and advice on the Step-situations we all go thru.

I can't imagine being in your situation and having to deal with a 2 year old, and having sooo many more years of hell and bullshit because of that kid too!

I really hope this site helps you... Smile

lesangel's picture

Submitted by lesangel on Wed, 03/06/2013 - 3:06pm

Thank you tasha1983 hard to find a site for stepmommies. I hate the scrutiny from bio moms on other sites.

TASHA1983's picture

Submitted by TASHA1983 on Wed, 03/06/2013 - 3:12pm

Just a heads up...there are some that will be like what you have found on other sites, but for the most part the Mom's here are pretty open minded, helpful, and can relate to the feelings that you experience.

P.S. I am one of the ones that will be on your side when it comes to NOT liking your skid or finding him annoying etc... Wink

lesangel's picture

Submitted by lesangel on Wed, 03/06/2013 - 3:15pm

Him and skank bitch have no written papers. He has son basically all the time. No money for a lawyer Sad

lesangel's picture

Submitted by lesangel on Wed, 03/06/2013 - 3:20pm

@tasha if bio mom wasnt crazy i prolly wouldnt carry resentment. I have not said one bad word to her. Shes called me a homewrecking cunt bitch, slimeball. Shes threatned to beat me up. She uses ss to get what she wants. Shes constantly harassing me and fiance. It gets so old.

TASHA1983's picture

Submitted by TASHA1983 on Wed, 03/06/2013 - 3:29pm

WOW! What a douche! Maybe you and your fiance should get an RO against her and I understand that you don't have the $$$ money to afford a lawyer BUT you can go and file on your own without a lawyer. Get something IN WRITING ASAP so that she cannot take advantage of you both and STICK TO IT...she is that childs mother and she should be just as responsible for that kid as your fiance is!

This will only work if your fiance is willing to stand up to BM and not give in to her ridiculous demands and set boundaries for her. She is not the boss of your lives, and you shouldnt have to live that way.

ASAP get an RO on this bitch and go to court and get a custody schedule set up and DON'T let her dictate who, what, where, when, etc with YOUR lives!!! Smile

I know you can do this.... *big hugs*

lesangel's picture

Submitted by lesangel on Wed, 03/06/2013 - 3:36pm

He has SS alot. I flat out refuse to be alone with SS esp if biobitch will show up. He plays nice too much and that just burns me. Im from pa i tried to get a pfa on her and the sheriff said no cuz biobitch isnt my rrlation and i didnt date her. I have filed a report with the local police. Her being an asshole makes me and fiance closer and he knows i have issues so he encourages a good relationship with me and SS and we try to ignore cuntface and do for us. I do want him to get papers.

TASHA1983's picture

Submitted by TASHA1983 on Wed, 03/06/2013 - 3:50pm

It is good that you refuse to be alone with SS because you never know what BM will say/do. And also because he is NOT your responsibility. I personally believe that SM/SD should only do for skids what they CHOOSE/WANT to do. They should never be expected or demanded to do anything that they don't want or choose to do because they are NOT our responsibility. We did not create them or give birth to them or want them therefore we should have that right!

That is messed up that you can't even protect yourself from her! What about your fiance, would he be willing to get an RO against her for you both?

Your SO needs to stop being BM's doormat. Just because he procreated with her doesnt mean that he is to be at her beckon call and allow her to run and dictate his life! I know he loves his son and he wants to see him but there is nothing she can do to him or with hold his son from him if he gets a CO from a Judge that specifies a custody arrangement.

lesangel's picture

Submitted by lesangel on Wed, 03/06/2013 - 4:03pm

He says she'll keep his son if he'd get a RO brfore a CO is drawn up. To obtain a lawyer to get papers is like 1700$ she also has a daughter she gets 3 days a wk. She dont bother them but they have papers. Shes a shit talker. Shes jeallous i help with her son and jeallous that her trap didnt make fiance love her. I dont think she'd want him happy with anyone. He says after he gets a COhe does want to put an RO on her and i nag him on that too.

christinen's picture

Submitted by christinen on Thu, 03/07/2013 - 3:13pm

^^^ I agree with Tasha. My DH didn’t have money for a lawyer either but he didn’t need one. They actually didn’t even end up going to court because they had mediation prior to that where they agreed on 50/50 custody (week on/week off).

Anyway, welcome to the site! I know what you are going through. I am also 27 with no kids. When DH and I got together, SD was only a year old so I have been through all the tantrum crap and everything else with her (she is 5 now). I have also been through the BM threatening me and harassing my DH and I. Sorry to tell you but it doesn’t ever end! Being a SM seriously sucks!!

lesangel's picture

Submitted by lesangel on Wed, 03/06/2013 - 3:43pm

I resent biomom and the situation she has him in. I wish she wasnt his mom so we would have less drama. But i cant change it. I want to try and be good but its hard sometimes.

lesangel's picture

Submitted by lesangel on Wed, 03/06/2013 - 4:24pm

No kids of my own currently but i do hear biochildren are easy to love. I hope one day to have one of my own. Fiances son is gonna be 2 in june, deff at a hard stage.

oncechoosetosmile's picture

Submitted by oncechoosetosmile on Wed, 03/06/2013 - 4:37pm

lesangel, yes, it is totally different with your own ones, trust me.However I would think twice to have biokids with someone who already has a child, it seems the existing problems sometimes get worse.

hippiegirl's picture

Submitted by hippiegirl on Wed, 03/06/2013 - 5:33pm

Welcome to our humble home. I, like Tasha, will never judge you for not liking your skid.

TASHA1983's picture

Submitted by TASHA1983 on Thu, 03/07/2013 - 8:49am

You are NOT terrible for not liking/loving your skid. IT IS NORMAL! I can't explain it entirely but most people don't like children that aren't their own or of blood relation....I know I don't. }:)

lesangel's picture

Submitted by lesangel on Thu, 03/07/2013 - 8:53am

Its taken. Me awile to see that its normal to have mixed emotions. Im glad to know that there are alot of other women out there with mixed emotions or dislike such as me. Im hating the tantrum throwing stage >_< big headache after a long night at work.

TASHA1983's picture

Submitted by TASHA1983 on Thu, 03/07/2013 - 9:09am

Just keep telling yourself that it is OK to feel that way...it's not like you are beating the kid or burning him with ciggarettes. It will never be easy being with a man with a kid(s). It will pretty much always be an uphill battle in so many ways. But it is worth it when the person you are with is on the same page as you and is willing to put you and your relationship first. IT CAN WORK! It will not be easy but with the right person it can be worth it in the end! I like to think that way to help me ease my bad feelings towards my situation.

If my BF wasnt as amazing as he is, I would have been G.O.N.E. after I knew what his loser kid and XW were like. They are a total waste of skin but my man is worth it. BUT mark my words, the day he EVER put them first or allowed them to come between us etc. I will be gone! I deserve better than to be somebody's SECOND...and so do you!!! Smile

christinen's picture

Submitted by christinen on Thu, 03/07/2013 - 3:15pm

^^^ I'm with you, Tasha! I absolutely HATE kids, but can't wait to have my own! Sounds crazy but I know it will be so much different when it's my own.

TASHA1983's picture

Submitted by TASHA1983 on Thu, 03/07/2013 - 3:56pm

EXACTLY!!!

When it is your own you have a much higher tolerance for BS etc. and alot more patience, when it's someone elses brat you just wanna push'em off a cliff!!! LMAO!!! }:)

I know that we might get bashed for what we say and how we feel and I know I am not the best mother but I sure am not the worst either!
My son never gets in trouble at school, makes honor roll, he is kind, and caring, and so much more...I must be doing something right as a mother eventhough I am not a fan of kids that aren't mine. Wink

Oceanic815's picture

Submitted by Oceanic815 on Thu, 03/07/2013 - 12:58am

Welcome!

Most of us either don't like our skids or have times when we don't like them. I'm good with mine for the time being but there have been times when I've disliked one or both. BM is a different story!

If I have a stepparent issue this is the first place I go. Everyone offers their own perspective. I try to do my best giving advice when I can as well.

You are not a terrible person at all! DH and I have a son of our own and yes, there have been times when my skids say he's not their brother (among other hurtful things, BM loves those moments) but we get over it. We shield our son as much as possible.

Just do your best. DO NOT do all the parenting for your skid. Don't let BM get to you. Good luck Smile

lesangel's picture

Submitted by lesangel on Thu, 03/07/2013 - 6:39am

I deff dont plan to take all the parenting. I'll help and be a positive influence. Birth mother is a piece of shit. I was on another site but quit it. Too many bio moms being nasty and assuming step mommies are bad. We deal with alot of shit. My fiance is wonderful to me. Thank you for the nice welcome oceanic 815.

TASHA1983's picture

Submitted by TASHA1983 on Thu, 03/07/2013 - 3:57pm

We are the majority my friend...it is just that some of us are more vocal and honest about it!!! Wink

amilosingmymind's picture

Submitted by amilosingmymind on Tue, 03/12/2013 - 3:32pm

Hello Everyone. I just joined this blog today. I finally feel as if I cannot take it anymore. I am 44 years old, no kids of my own and just got married for the first time 3 years ago. What was I thinking! My husbands son, then 14 moved in with us immediately...FULL TIME. So I met him and we all lived together. The first 6 months he made messes around the house, refused to eat anything but mac-n-cheese, through tantrums, sat in his room all day and played videogames. I was patient, I tried to invite him to movies, cleaned up after him etc. I'd wake up to a kitchen full of dirty dishes and chocolate syrup on the floor and then end my day with computer game noise. Thankfully I got a job after being out of work and then we got a bigger house so he can make noise in the basement. All this time, he was being told how smart, great, mature and athletic he was. I was told to be patient. Skip to year 1. kid was smoking pot, drinking, being rude. Still a filthy mess. Never said Happy birthday or thank you for shopping or cooking. Just today he stayed home from school again, yes again, why? He cannot handle adversity or confrontation so he'd rather cry in his room. Father had to stay home from work again at his new job to handle him. People kept telling me "he is a child" so be patient. I have fought back, dumped trash and food on his bed, screamed, yelled, sent him away. it doesn't matter. I simply cannot like this kid. I cannot stand being around him. He is lazy, uncaring, rude, dumb...just cannot even look at him. If I would've know that this kid had mental probelms, I would've never agreed to him living with us. OH, AND he had been living with his mother for the previous 5 years...for some reason they thought that it'd be GREAT form him to live with his dad for HS. I tell you, it is thankless and I agree with the above post: NOT MY KID, NOT MY PROBLEM. The problem is I have to suffer his company. I just told his father to send him back to his mother since I cannot give him the love he needs. Of course, I am the bad guy...

lesangel's picture

Submitted by lesangel on Tue, 03/12/2013 - 9:51pm

Wow your not the bad guy. I wouldnt like that either. I dont clean up or dicipline my SO son hes only 2. I leave all major things to him. Its not my job to dicipline his kid. Dad needs to put his foot down.