SS and Ex-wife have told my partner he should dump me!
Further to my post on Feb 8th, titled "Pregnant and step-son and ex-wife very, very angry about it"...
My SOs ex-wife wouldn't allow my SO to go to see their son the day she was asked for help telling him the news of our pregnancy. She said she was devastated about the news and that he would be crushed. That was amongst lots of ranting nasty texts about me to my SO.
My SOs mobile goes at lunchtime on Sat and its his 12 year old son, asking if his Dad had something to tell him. When my partner explained he had wanted to tell him but that BM wouldnt allow it, he said he was glad his Mam had told him and when asked what he thought if the news, told his Dad it was "Shit". He then proceeded to tell his Dad that I am a nasty person who has trapped him, that my SO should sign both his houses into his sons name, that I hate him, that he has been putting on an act of being happy around me for the last 2 years, that I tell lies about him and that he should therefore dump me!!!!! When his Dad questionned him about all of this and said it doesn't make sense based on what his Dad has seen with his own eyes when we've all been together, he was met with more complaints. He then told his Dad that if he does dump me, everything will go back to normal - he'll start coming over to stay 3 nights a week like he used to and stay at the weekends too. My SO repeated this back to him and to his BM who agreed he should be dumping me.
After my SO pointing out all the contradictions and inaccuracies with what SS had said, his BM became very emotional and started bringing things like "How can you afford another child, you always say you've got no money to spend on our son?" (She gets well over £300 in maintenence every month from my SO). That when SO and SS had gone to the supermarket together, SO had complained about the cost of something (and this had been fed back to BM, as is everything that goes on with his Dad or me) and all sorts of other petty little things.
SS then text his Dad restating that I have never wanted him in my life, don't want to bond with him because I'm not a nice person but that its not just me, its his Dad he's unhappy with too so just to let him get on with his life because hes not bothered anymore.
I can't help feeling that my SO will begin to resent me because of being he cause of his son not wanting to see him. He has reassured me that he can see what they are doing and what is going on and that he knows I am a nice person and based on what he has seen with me and SS over the last 2 years, what is being said is wrong but what if his SS really doesn't see his Dad for months even years?
Bloody nightmare! If I'd known hooking up with a guy with kids could end up like this, I wouldn't have bothered. And now I'm pregnant and the SS thinks its shit. Great 
Oh sweetie, I'm sorry you're
Oh sweetie, I'm sorry you're hurt by this and telling you to just let it go is easier said than done. It sucks and it's fairly typical. I think at least half of us have had the skid of BM tell our SO that they needed to drop us.
My SD had a raging fit at my husband when he told her we were engaged, said he was replacing her, that if he married me it meant he didn't love her. A month before the wedding she did it all over again, begged him not to marry me. When he did, he got taken back to court and basically lost any enforceable visitation. We pretty much haven't seen her in two years.
In a few weeks, he gets to deliver the news to her that he and I are expecting and I anticipate another round of "you're replacing me, I hate you". And honestly, I don't really care. It kind of sucks for DH, he had to deal with the backlash, but at the same time since when do kids get to dictate their parents lives? There are siblings who are pissed off about new babies in intact families, they get told to suck it up.
You are not the reason and the baby is not the reason that your SS doesn't want to visit. It's more BM is the reason and it's more that your SS is spoiled and has been given too much control over relationships where it's inappropriate. It sounds like your SO has a good handle on what's going on and knows perfectly well that you aren't the reason. You're not the one issuing ultimatums. You're not the one banning this kid from his dad's life. It's not your fault, don't accept the responsibility.
Like I said, SD has cut us out of her life. It makes DH sad, he wishes it were different but it doesn't affect his relationship with me. It doesn't affect how excited he is about our addition. You know what's being said is a lie. Your SO knows what's being said is a lie. Have some faith in your SO and stay out of what BM and SS are saying, it's only going to hurt you and there's nothing you can do to change it. Let your SO deal with it.
your SS said what?! Shocked!
:jawdrop: your SS said what?! Shocked! well not really after being on ST. but OMG! your skid really thinks he is owed the world. He had the nerve to tell your SO to sign over his house to him?! My dad would have K/O'd me if I ever said anything liek that!
Would it really be a big deal if you didnt see him for a few years?! I know its not nice for your SO but jesus, who needs a little shit of a son like that.
Concentrate on your baby and your SO, they are the most important things. dont let them stress you out because they are not worth it. Let your SO deal with it and you support it.
How it works with me is, Ive told my DH that I do not want to hear one word about any bs concering his kids or BM, not one word. if he has issues then he can talk to him mum, but my life and thinking space is not going to be consued with what ever rubbish is this weeks drama.And Im not even pregnant, I just cant deal witht he stress of it all.
How selfish...Your husband
How selfish...Your husband shouldn't have argued with SS he should have replied simply, "You are 12 years old and have absolutely no idea what you are talking about. You are being very insulting a rude and I will not have to talk to me or my wife like this ever again. We are adults and will thank you, the child, to stay out of adult business." Something like that. wow! Just wow.....reading your post made me so angry for you. I cannot believe that BM would poison her son like that, because obviously every word he said came straight from BM's mouth. What a terrible situation.
Sounds like BM is a piece of
Sounds like BM is a piece of work though and has probably already screwed that kid for life.
Either BM is behind the boys
Either BM is behind the boys attitude or more likely he sees the anguish this has caused her and wants to protect her.
Dad's best bet is to let things settle down by just keeping in touch withOUT trying to lure his back info visits. Just let the boy simmer for awhile. Meanwhile you go about business as usual as you've got one in the oven to worry about and that's plenty.
Don't have any more by the way, none would have been better but there you are.
Give him support as he works through this and encourage him to believe the boy will come around in time which is true. Unfortunately depending on how much propaganda his mother feeds the boy it may be after high school is past.
I think this is awful and I
I think this is awful and I am not sure I would really want to be apart of that environment. Just make sure you are good and the baby is good. If your SO loves you and really wants it to work he will work at making it ok. I wish I could give you more advice but this is a huge challenge. Just take care of you and that baby. If it gets to be too much remove yourself. Your health and the health of your unborn child is more important. As well as your husband will need to step up. My husband has had to tell his children...look one day you will grow up and meet someone and have a life of your own, and I want to be happy too. He has exlained that they will not get between us, that he loves them and he loves me and if they have a problem with that then they shouldn't come over anymore. I know this is hard for a parent to say, but sometimes you have to let them know its ok for him to love you both and its not a competition. Maybe your SO has unresolved feelings for his ex? Or fear of his ex? Whatever it is if he wants to keep you something has to change. Good luck with your baby...This is a happy time don't let anyone steal that from you!