Pregnant and step-son and ex-wife very, very angry about it
I've been with my partner for 3 years. He divorced from his ex-wife 6 years ago and had shared custody of his son, who is now 12 years old.
Last May we were pregnant, told him and after the initial shock, tears and reassurance from both of his biological parents, he came around to the news and was talking about it lots. Unfortunately, we miscarried at the end of July. Since then, his relationship with his Dad has deteriorated to the point where he didn't see his Dad for 5 months, finally replying to one of his Dads calls just before Xmas 2012. Since then, he has come over for tea one evening each week but leaves shortly after I get home from work so its been almost impossible to try to begin to re-build a relationship with him.
We found out we were pregnant again early Jan 2013 and haven't told anyone up to now (I'm 10 weeks today). We've had 2 scans because of what happened last year and my partner decided it was now time to tell his son so that we could tell the rest of our families.
Thats where it gets interesting...He thought to approach his ex-wife and ask for her help, bearing in mind the difficulties over the last few months. She has hit the roof, and is now saying any issues the son has about seeing his Dad are my fault, that we had no right to get pregnant before he had sorted things out with his son, that I hate his son, that I have got pregnant on purpose to drive them further apart, that his son will be crushed and devastated when he hears his Dad is having a baby with the woman that has changed his Dad, that she is devastated, that she thinks he will do much better with his new baby and that there will be no shortage of cash or love for it compared to what we give his son. (FYI - She gets £350 per month maintenance from his Dad).
The tricky part with all of this is that my partner doesn't stand up to her because he can't cope with her rants, anger and confrontational behaviour. So this results in nothing being done other than her sending vile texts and the son not seeing his Dad and I become the devil, the person whose only goal is to ruin his relationship with his Dad.
All this at a time when I want to tell my family and be hopeful, excited for the future and to fall in love with the baby I am creating.
I'm also worried about how this will affect my parter - he became very low and use alcohol as a crutch during the last big bust up. How did anyone else support their partner in the same situation?
Interesting to hear anyones thoughts, advice, similar situations and how they dealt with it.
Last I checked it was not
Last I checked it was not required to get the kids or the EX WIFE approval in order to have a baby. You and your partner need to stay together as a team and a united front. Unfortunately, if your partner is not willing to stand up to BM, this can be difficult to do. SS can't use this as his excuse for poor behavior. He is making a choice to not have a relationship with his father. And it sounds like his mom is encouraging it. I would request that they go to counseling (partner and his son) and possibly add you in to the mix after a while. Certainly, how they are handling it now, is not working.
Congratulations! Tell your
Congratulations! Tell your family and let them share your happy news. Do not let BM or skid ruin this very special time for your and your partner. Detach. You don't need any stress. You need to take very good care of yourself.
I can't believe your partner told BM and asked for her help. He doesn't need her help. You don't need her help. She needs to get her own life and act like a mature adult. And your partner was asking for a bunch o'drama when he told her. He needs to man up and tell her to buzz off. And the nerve of these BMs is stunning. Why would they think they have any input? BM needs to fuke off. This is none of her business, she has no say in what you do with your lives.
Kids often aren't happy to have a new sibling join the family. It isn't the end of the world. Skid will get over it or he won't, even though I get the idea she is PASing skid big time. I feel sorry for skid, but there is not much you can do in these situations except for DH to tell his kid he loves him and try to be a mentally stable, loving force.
Best wishes!
Girl, enjoy being pregnant
Girl, enjoy being pregnant and don't pay any attention! Stepson does not have any choice but to accept it. If he does not want to, that is his problem. Your partner needs to stop telling the crazy ex-wife about your business.
Some people like this BM need to grow up. It is not about them.
What a self centered BITCH!
What a self centered BITCH! As if your reproductive habbits have anything to do with her or her freaking kid. How selfish! You need to politely let her know that your family planning and sexual life with your partner has absolutely nothing to do with her or her offspring.
The problem is your husband,
The problem is your husband, First you've married a alcoholic who uses the drug when things get tough. First try and solve that. Visit Alcoholic Anonymous web site and find a information and group meetings for relatives/friends of alcoholics. Follow advise you get there to get him off his dependency.
Forget the kid - Mum is going to ruin this kids relationship with his Dad. Frankly if Dad were here, and sober, I would tell him to walk away from the kid - the damage is done for a start, (your new family Daddy that is to say) and your ex will make sure the boy stay damaged. Send the kid a card on appropriate holidays but no presents. Just a card with a note saying you love him and he knows where to find you when he the day comes that he needs a father. That day will come if you stay the course.
Any begging, pleading, bribing will only open the door further for Mum to stoke the fire is discontent in the boy making out Dad (and of course your wife) as the evil doers. Whereas if you, Dad, step back then in time the boy will see who it really is that is doing the evil work.
You have no right to get
You have no right to get pregnant? Wtf, seriously? And DH doesn't argue this with her?
I'm guessing SS has backed off, because of BM pumping his head full of crap, and prob has been told he will mean nothing now that you guys have ur own child. I'm sure he has heard every bit of it.
I suggest you leave ms controlling out of it, and have a chat with step son. You do have a right to he pregnant, and have a family of ur own. Period. And yes, its boohoo that your child will be blessed with everything that you provide.