Interesting article
Forums:
I got more out of the comments posted and the author's response to them than the actual article itself. Anyone read this one?
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mary-t-kelly-ma/nobody-asked-me-the-pligh_...
Your thoughts?
I got more out of the comments posted and the author's response to them than the actual article itself. Anyone read this one?
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/mary-t-kelly-ma/nobody-asked-me-the-pligh_...
Your thoughts?
Interesting article. I think
Interesting article. I think the Brady Bunch tv show has done so much damage to blended families, people think everything will be all rainbows and unicorns. Doesn't always work that way.
Wow, call me suspicious but
Wow, call me suspicious but I'd be worried for your friend, not just her kid! He's had two wives die in childbirth - and he's a doctor?
In our situation, we asked
In our situation, we asked SD14 (then 12-13) several times over the course of our developing relationship how she felt, was she ok with things, was she alright with the divorce, did she like that we were moving forward, did she feel a part of our family, etc. She LIED every time. She said she loved me, she was happy to see her dad so happy, she was hoping we'd get married someday, she felt like my DD was her "sister". DH had plenty of daddy/daughter alone time with her and they had discussions just the two of them as well as we had "family" discussions to include me and sometimes also my daughter.
It was only after we got engaged that SD14 became a complete nightmare. Sure, she'd tried her best to interfere in our relationship and get in between us, play the mini wife as best as was allowed, but once she knew I had a ring and we'd set a date - all Hell broke loose.
She didn't admit her true feelings until just a few months ago and DH and I have been together more than 2 yrs. She now says she never was happy for us, she doesn't care for me, she didn't want her dad to move on from her mother, she wanted them to reconcile, didn't like my daughter and would never support our marriage.
So, I feel we did approach everything with her correctly (according to the article anyway) and we STILL got a bitter, hateful, spiteful teenage girl that was unhappy since things didn't go HER way. She didn't get what SHE wanted so it didn't matter how it all came about.
My opinion is that no matter how much you include the kid, ask their feelings, let them know they matter and have a voice that counts - if they don't WANT the situation, the end result is the same.
And with some kids, you can
And with some kids, you can do everything wrong and end up with a good kid! My daughter's been through Hell and back and let me tell you, she's such a great girl. She'll be 15 next month but is very mature, articulate and intelligent. Most people who meet her believe she's 17, not 14. I made every mistake known to man while raising her. She now lives with her dad in Michigan full time (Her choice) but we have a better relationship than ever. And DH mentioned to me a while back that it's pretty sad that he has a better relationship with MY daughter who lives 1300 miles away than his own, who is 5 miles up the road!
I don't doubt it because she
I don't doubt it because she ADMITTED to DH a few months ago that yes, she indeed LIED about everything.
We had her in counseling and therapy as well, since we realized that she was having major issues with our relationship/engagement and wanted her to have an unbiased, unrelated adult to openly discuss her feelings with. Funny, she lied to her too, to get sympathy and attention. We found that out when the therapist asked us to join in on a "family" style session. SD had a major shit fit and refused to go if we were going to go. We finally got her to go with us and it was all unveiled that she'd lied about a lot with regards to me, DH and my relationship and even the ATV accident that almost killed my daughter and I. SHE claimed SHE was the one involved.
At 12 and 13, she knew damn well what she was saying wasn't the truth and it didn't have anything to do with not being able to articulate to anyone. She tells people what they want to hear or lies to get herself attention, sympathy or to keep from getting in trouble.
Yeah, that's why I said I got
Yeah, that's why I said I got more out of the comments posted than the actual article itself. Did you peruse those? There were others that shared your thoughts about giving people tools to cope with the situation and she said she'd address that in her next article.
She also addressed (in the comments below the article in response to someone) the narcissistic nature in which a lot of kids are raised now, the perils of guilty parenting and the fact that no, it's not up to the kid to decide whether or not their mother/father gets remarried.
And I agree with you that step situations are unnatural (and suck ass for the most part!!)
Hey no worries and no
Hey no worries and no apologies for your feelings are necessary here girl! As a fellow former Michigander, I appreciate your Detroit attitude, trust me!
See, the original article angered me as well, but it was the comments that made up for it. A lot of them were saying exactly as you've stated above. And I'm right there with you as far as women put up with too much shit all in the name of love. I know I did. Both with my ex husband and my SD14.
I think that was the main reason I posted it. Was hoping to get some differing opinions on this whole "kids come first" attitude and the narcissistic ways they're being raised especially in step situations.
When my parents split (I was 17 and had just graduated high school), neither asked ME or my younger brother how we felt or what we wanted. They simply both parted ways. Mom took my brother and dad moved in with my grandma. I was on my own!
I totally respect your opinions and you never need to apologize for your feelings.
Yeah, Detroit attitude is
Yeah, Detroit attitude is something very unique indeed and I'm so glad I was able to get mine back! After 8 long years of being controlled, abused, put down, told I was nothing, losing everything - I stood up and said NO MORE!
I have gave thought to the
I have gave thought to the Brady Bunch as being the perfect blended family also. And heres what I came up with.
1.) I don't remember even seeing the other parents in the show? Not sure if they were dead or who knows where. The issues were never brought up due to the times I think.
2.) Also back durning that time frame, parents had more control over the children. Mothers were stay home moms. Kids didn't have all the TV, video games and out side influences that is there today. Kids ate 3 meals a day at home cooked by their moms and they ate at the table (supper any way). Familys were more bonded. It was a treat to go to the DQ for ice cream.
I haven't had to deal with my ss feeling that way because DH and I were together when DH found out he had a son. So Dh and I enter into ss life at the same time when ss was 18 months old. So ss has pretty much always had me as a mother figure. SS is crazy about his Bm but she is in prison right now. The only thing I don't feel comfortable doing is giving ss a spanking which I did with my bio children.
I think all children react different due to their individual circumstance.
I have gave thought to the
I have gave thought to the Brady Bunch as being the perfect blended family also. And heres what I came up with.
1.) I don't remember even seeing the other parents in the show? Not sure if they were dead or who knows where. The issues were never brought up due to the times I think.
2.) Also back durning that time frame, parents had more control over the children. Mothers were stay home moms. Kids didn't have all the TV, video games and out side influences that is there today. Kids ate 3 meals a day at home cooked by their moms and they ate at the table (supper any way). Familys were more bonded. It was a treat to go to the DQ for ice cream.
I haven't had to deal with my ss feeling that way because DH and I were together when DH found out he had a son. So Dh and I enter into ss life at the same time when ss was 18 months old. So ss has pretty much always had me as a mother figure. SS is crazy about his Bm but she is in prison right now. The only thing I don't feel comfortable doing is giving ss a spanking which I did with my bio children.
I think all children react different due to their individual circumstance.