Skids inheriting your money
There I was enjoying my spaghetti and meatballs when my other half decides to talk about the future, specifically...us dying! He said what we will do is split our money between the FOUR kids equally and that will be that. (Bearing in mind we are in our early twenties and at this point have peanuts to give to our children/future children). Now, I have always said to him that I am having THREE children, so you can guess who this fourth one is who is getting the same amount of money as my own kids!
I didn't say anything as I was mulling it over in my head trying to decide if I am a spiteful b!tch. I decided that I really don't see why the money I will earn over the next however many decades should be given to a child that isn't mine. OH and I don't pool our money together right now, we put equal amounts towards bills, split everything halfway, have separate bank accounts etc. I realise this may change over the years, especially when our unborn baby is born etc but maybe this is why I can't get my head around the idea of me giving my stepson my money, that I strongly feel is for MY children. Am I being selfish/spiteful?
I feel that it is unfair for my kids, they will inherit from me and my OH only. Ss will inherit from me, OH, his mum and maybe even his stepdad if they think the same way my OH does. Fair enough he's not likely to inherit £10 from his waste of space mother but that's certainly not my problem, and certainly not my childrens problem.
So what are your views on this? Your DH's views? Have you got a plan?
That's what I thought would
That's what I thought would be the fairest way identity crisis.
Glad to see its not just me being unreasonable and spiteful! Can't wait to see how this goes down!
Hatemydad: The solution to
Hatemydad: The solution to the scenario you raised is fairly simple. DH and I prepared our wills a few years ago, after I had just gone through a horrible situation as the executrix of my mother and grandfather's estates. My grandfather had financed my uncle's education (PhD) while living, and er go, left everything he had at death to my mother to balance that.
My uncle was extremely angry that my grandfather chose to write his will that way. My mother died two months after my grandfather, and my mother left everything to me and my two siblings. Since my grandfather's money filtered into my mom's estate, my uncle sued me and my siblings for what he thought was his "equitable" distribution of my grandfather's money. Since his name was mentioned in my grandfather's will (as an heir that had already received his full distribution preceding my GF's death only), he had legal right to challenge BOTH wills, as it entered double probate.
Because of all the heartache, extortion, and pain this situation caused, it was even more important to me and DH to have ironclad wills. We both refer to the other's will in the text, and state that SD will receive a life insurance policy (on DH only) in the amount necessary to fulfill his entire future CS obligation. We did the wills when SD was twelve, but the amount of the policy will always remain the same, even though his total CS obligation is reduced with each payment. That will be the entire sum of her inheritance. I am named as the executor of DH's estate (and he mine), as well as the trustee for SD's portion. She will receive full payout at age 25, with periodic distributions for higher education or CS, depending on her age. I am leaving her no money, only a few items that I want her to have. DH also has some of his personal effects listed for her.
The will goes on to state that if SD (or BM, as her agent) challenges the will(s), she will receive NOTHING (except what is legally obligated for the pay-out of the CS obligation, if one exists upon DH passing). Having it written this way ensures that our DD's will not have to endure what I did when my mom passed, and that SD is sufficiently provided for. Should we experience a windfall of significance, we may revise it. But I have NO obligation to provide anything for SD. I've been told so many times by both SD and BM that I'm NOT SD's mother that it couldn't possibly have slipped my mind that she's not my responsibility. I'm not going to do "motherly" things only when there is something for SD or BM to gain, either financially or otherwise, if every other effort I've put forth has been rebuffed.
Well gee, it's very nice of
Well gee, it's very nice of your OH to tell you what will happen, lol. Sorry, but that doesn't fly in my home. DH's kids will not inherit anything from me. DH understands that, and has no problem with it.
My dh and I did exactly this.
My dh and I did exactly this. Our will states that his daughter gets 25% (which is 50% of 50%) and our son gets 75% (50% of dh's 50% and 100% of my 50%). Even his attorney said it was a fair way to split since I earn a living and contribute. He earns more than I do, but over the course of his cs years, he will have paid $250K for his kid, plus what he spends on her in our home 50% of her life. Our child won't come close to getting that amount.
This is how it went down:
This is how it went down:
Me: when you said about splitting money between the 4 kids, you meant your half of the money, right?
OH: *starts laughing* I thought in 60 years you might feel differently about ss
Me: it's not about how I feel about ss, it's the fact he isn't my son
OH: *face turned deadly serious* fine, do that then *starts watching a YouTube video on his phone*
Me: that's a bit disrespectful, this is obviously a discussion we need to have. (I explain the whole ss inheriting from 3 people, bio kids inheriting from 2).
OH: yeah fine do that then *not looking at me*
Me: why did you think I would give ss my money, is that what you would do if you had a step kid?
OH: yeah I would give him my money
Me: I call bullsh!t, I guess you don't know til your in the situation but I'm pretty sure you'd feel differently
OH: ok well fine, do that then
Glad that's cleared up!
Well that went well. Big
Well that went well. Big jerk! I would be pissed. I'm thinking about this situation now for myself and SO and our combined kids. I have one, he has 2. So far, none together. Do I start a savings account and put money in there for my son? Do I make a will saying my son gets everything of mine? What about if I die but my husband lives?
This situation sucks!! All I can say is, make a will. If you share money in the future, then you both die together in a crash, since 50% of the money is yours, 50% should go to your kids equally then your husband's 50% to divide among his kids.
Keep your finances separate.
Keep your finances separate. Our wills are done individually. Works better with Step kids. He provides for his and mine, since he is my son's Dad - his dad is deceased. I only provide for my son. Works that way since SS has a BM. SD is not provided for in my will and gets the bare minimum in DH's.
I am married to a widower, so
I am married to a widower, so I see this from a different perspective. When my DH's late wife died, her assets went to him. Most of their kids were still minors and they had joint finances. They also had massive debt from medical bills and a home equity loan taken out to cover travel expenses to travel to an out of state cancer treatment center.
I have to laugh when my skids accuse me of being a golddigger because DH was in such bad financially shape when we got married. But the skids consider any money he had prior to us getting married their mom's and theirs and constantly accuse me and my kids of living off their mom's money.
My Dh put money and mainly stocks that his late wife inherited into a trust, and that goes to his kids only. They also had a savings account that was for their kids' college, which some of the money came from grandparents. My Dh had thousands of dollars of debt which was absolutely crippling us and all of this money in a savings account and in stocks that were rightfully his but he wouldn't touch them.
The skids barely speak to their dad, they were estranged for years, treat him horribly, dictate terms of their relationship where they ignore that I exist, but they will financially get rewarded.
My Dh has raised my kids (his stepkids) and his treats them as if they are his own kids. They absolutely love him, respect and value him and have spent more time with him then their stepsiblings. But when my DH dies, my kids will get nothing. All of his assets are tied up in the trust for his kids. The house we live in will go to the skids. If my DH passes away first, I can live in the house, but when I pass, the house goes to the skids who refuse to visit and treat their dad like garbage. It's infuriating.
The house was purchased by my
The house was purchased by my DH and his late wife, and most of the down payment was paid by his late wife's father and from money she inherited, so the skids see it as 100% their mom's house and theirs. The house was placed in the trust for the skids before we were married.
I wish we had sold the house and moved, but we've had financial difficulties and the house is paid off, so we didn't bother. I know wish we had since it would make things far less complicated. We could have gotten rid of all of the late wife's things and divided them between the skids then.
If something happened to my DH, I would dread having to deal with the skids demanding all of their mother's things out of the house.
Splitting it 50% to one SK
Splitting it 50% to one SK and then 50% to three bios is fundamentally unfair. Not only with the SK benefit more from your and BFs portion, but will also get money from his BM. He is in essence getting a major windfall. SS already has a Mom, he shouldn't get the inheritance of 2 Moms. He is not your child and you will need to look after your bios best interests. BTW, is it me or do the bios always get overlooked? Everything seems to revolve around the SKs without any consideration for the bios and the sacrafices they have to make for the SKs.
I agree, bios tend to get the
I agree, bios tend to get the left overs...so unfair for them. My bios were getting the left overs until I stood up for them and kicked SD out! Initially, I had her set up to get just as much as my bios...I thought that was the right thing to do since her mom abandoned her. Oh hell no! Not after what she has put our family through. She gets NOTHING from me...NOTHING.
My hubby and I just got
My hubby and I just got married in August. We are in our 40s, but neither of us has much of anything to leave to anyone. He's got some 401k and life insurance. I won't have anything until my parents pass, then i'll have my own house and some $. We've discussed our dying. If he dies while SKID is under 18, that kid goes directly back to his parents. If I die, my kids go to my parents.
If we did have $, no way ANY OF MINE would go to a kid that aint mine. At all. Ever.
I don't know how this hadn't
I don't know how this hadn't even crossed my mind! I was thinking that me and OH will probably have put equal amounts into the property we buy and not have a substantial difference in what we are both worth at the end of our lives. I completely forgot the fact that I will inherit money from my own parents!! (Which won't be millions but probably looking at £500k from my mum, who knows how much I'll inherit from my dad- he is an erratic earner!). The thought of ss effectively getting a cut of my mums money is even more irritating to me then him getting my money!!
OH's parents are both unemployed and have no assets so he won't have anything to inherit.
That definitely settles it then!!
Congrats on getting married!
Congrats on getting married! I'm 40 and DH is 38, we just got married in June and are pretty much the same as you guys. We don't have much but DH's grandparents and his dad are LOADED so he knows one day he'll have an inheritance. Of course, DH ADORES his dad and grandparents and wouldn't take a dime if it would bring them back when they do pass, but his grandpa is 87 and he knows we can't all live forever.
We haven't made up living wills or anything but DH told me if I passed before him and my ex was also gone, he'd take my daughter in a heartbeat. I would NOT take his though.
He made me 100% beneficiary and I did the same for him. If we both die together (like a car or plane crash or something) then 100% of MY money goes to MY daughter and I don't care what he does with his (I never asked, just assumed his kid would get it).
If we did have $, no way ANY
If we did have $, no way ANY OF MINE would go to a kid that aint mine. At all. Ever.
Oh I don't know - I'd pick several random kids that I know over skid any day.
LOL!! This made me chuckle!
LOL!! This made me chuckle!
I'd pick several random kids
I'd pick several random kids that I know over skid any day
LMAO!!! Isn't that the truth!
I totally agree with you! I
I totally agree with you! I figure it was the responsibilty of DH and his ex old lady to secure their kids' futures back when they were together. If they did not....that isn't my fault. I should not have to over compensate for their failures (I've done enough of that). Skids get nothing from me. I'm going to take care of mine and mine only.
As far as I am concerned we
As far as I am concerned we do NOT need to secure the kids future with an inheritance. That is BS. We work hard for our money and I plan on spending most of it before I go! If there is any left, my BS ONLY will be inheriting from me. DH can split his half in half and leave 25% to 2 SD's and 25% to our BS together. That is the only fair way to do it in my opinion.
If I outlive DH (he is 11
If I outlive DH (he is 11 years older), everything goes to our kids. SD41 gets nothing. BM initiated her divorce with DH and made sure DH ended up with an old broken down truck, some furniture and all of her bills and the debt from her embezzeling and all the bad checks she wrote while they were separated and divorce wasn't final yet. He lost his house, the new vehicles, the good furniture most of his personal effects, family herilooms, even the medals he earned in Vietnam.
Everything we have now was earned during our marriage. Since SD41 chose not to be part of our family, she isn't going to participate in our estate. I'll make sure of it if I outlive DH. I feel she deserves nothing that her mother didn't already steal for her.
We have old wills right now, leaving everything to each other if one of us passes. If I go first, he'll probably split it all three ways and there won't be much I can do about it. If I outlive him, I will be down asap to change mine. I am the owner of his life policy, so she won't get any of that.
When BM croaked, her husband at the time made sure SD41 didn't get anything but a few momentos and she had to fight for those.
Our wills are very different.
Our wills are very different. We each have 3 kids. All adult. Mine love him. His hate me (their momma is a victim...) They've treated me like dirt for 10 years and not one of them will get one cent of my money. We'll retire in a few years, We'll do what we want and go where we want and buy what we want.
If he dies first, everything of his (possessions, life insurance, whatever retirement he might have left) comes to me. I decide if his kids get a cent. If they've become kind, gracious adults with kind, engaged children, I may give them something. There's a provision that if any of them contest the will, they get NOTHING.
If I die first, I have a trust set up that he'll live off the interest til he dies, then it all goes to my kids. Not one cent to his kids. In the event we die together, for the purposes of inheritance, it is written that he died first, everything of his is passed to me, then I died, so effectively everything of OURS goes to MY kids. If my daughter, executor of my will, chooses, she may then give his kids something. I rather doubt that ever happens...
I think idetitycrisis's idea
I think idetitycrisis's idea is the fairest - if my partner and I were to pass away at the same time.
My partner is over 10 years older than me. Obviously you cant predict these things but its probable that he will pass away before me. His current will leaves everything to me.
Assuming he and I have children together, I would plan to leave everything to him (or if he had alrady died) to my future bio children... but then I feel guilty because in effect that means his kids would inherit nothing from their father. (Mind you, they'll do very well from their mother who got the bulk of their assets in the divorce)
What do people think?
Should his kids get some of the assets he and I built togther? His ex got all the assets in the divorce so it really would be assets he and I accumulated. Or is it fair enough to just leave everything to my bio kids given that the skids will inherit (quite a bit) from their mother?
We're reasonably well off but not so rich that he could leave his kids a lump sum of cash in his will.
I have a bio son whom I love
I have a bio son whom I love more than life itself. He gets all my money!