Is it ME?
I have been seeing my bf(now fiance) for a year and a half. I moved in with him after about 6 months...His ex cheated on him, but seems to want to constantly try and make me mad. he is a pushover and i know if i stay with him i am always going to have to deal with this. i have never felt so alone before, i feel like i am just a fly on the wall half the time. i feel like she knows she has him no matter what and it drives me nuts. am i just an insecure person? everytime we go to events i end up getting so angry watching her parade around like she is SO AMAZING. it is driving me nuts. i have turned to alcohol so i dont have to feel anything...it isnt good. i want children of my own SO bad but i also feel like fiance is in NO hurry. he has his kids already, so why have anymore? i dont think i have ever felt so deprssed before. everyone is always saying what a good guy he is, he is NICE but he lets her run the show and i cant take it much longer. BTW- i live in THEIR OLD HOUSE together ANOTHER thing he knows I HATE. but he loves that house, it is his LAND and the place he built. SPARE ME! 
PLZ HELP. DO I NEED TO WALK AWAY? AM I CRAZY?
When you find yourself
When you find yourself drinking to make the feelings go away -you already know the answer to your question.
Do I need to walk away?
Yes.
Look - cruise thru the blogs and the forums here - you'll see it RARELY gets better. And if you don't have children with this guy - you can break things off a bit more cleanly.
good luck!
Yes or run if possible.
Yes or run if possible.
Drinking does not solve
Drinking does not solve problems although it feels bearable at the time. Drinking will bring health problems on if your not careful too. I was up to 4-6 stiff drinks everyday. Like yourself, I have no kids of my own and wanting and DH has two already. Now when both kids moved in, I started drinking. As my tolerance increased so did my consumption.
You are at one of them points where you have to make a decision. You can keep drinking as problems continue to spiral out of control, disengage, make the kids live with their other bio parent, or move out possibly starting completely over.
This is a great time for you to be selfish about your life and figuring out what you want out of it. Please read blended family's posts. That will give you a bigger picture of what you are in for should you stay and have a child or two with your current BF.
My Skids went back to live with their mother and I have been careful with my consumption since.
You are right. thank you. i
You are right. thank you.
i feel like hes watching me slip down a spiral and doesnt even care.
I also feel like he tries to
I also feel like he tries to BUY my love.
It is almost a slap in the face.
For Christs sake woman why
For Christs sake woman why are you doing this to yourself. Is your self-esteem so low you believe that this losing situation is your best bet in life.
Get a few months of courseling after you leave.
thanks everyone. i am trying
thanks everyone. i am trying to work on myself and my happiness, i just have so much hatred towards his ex. i dont kno why. i feel like i cant compare or something. even though i have a great job, educated, i take good care of myself etc..i just always think, they have kids together, i dont have that.
It is normal to feel that way
It is normal to feel that way about another woman having a child with him and you do not. It is in our DNA to be territorial and we were not made to deal with this kind of a relationship no matter how modern the world may be. Basic human emotion is timeless and universal and the kid is a reminder that he is used goods and we, as women, do not like that. I married mine and my advice is the same I wished I would have been told over and over before I did...DO NOT DO IT. Period. It sucks, it will hurt, you will miss him, you will drink more, then the hurt will lessen, you won't miss him as much, you won't drink as much, and you will be thankful to have gotten off the train before it wrecked. Sorry I can't be a ray of sunshine for you, but that is the reality of this life. I would give about anything to go back in time and undo what I have done. But, due to circumstances I don't have the energy to go into here, personal issues,etc., and due to the fact that my stubborn nature has locked into this and I can't admit defeat at the feet of a five year old, I stay. Trust me, you do not want to be me.